Not a good day today :(
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Hi guys hope your all okay
Yesterday wasn't a good day partner was very upset last night . He doesn't normally speak much about it but last night said alot and basilcly doesn't feel like he can cope anymore.
He said the pain and gulit he feels for what hes done and how it's affected us ect.
I don't know what to tell him becaus ei don't know what's going to happen . I said he will always see his children and I will support the best I can.
But we are just exsisting were not living . This is because his 2nd interview is this week . Well it's going to be 100times worse when waiting on court dates . I'm not sure what I should be doing . No body knowing ect just feels like I'm sat here doing nothing.
Im trying to look after the children and keep them as happy as I can but to the outside world I'm so happy they will wonder how I can pretend when the truth comes out .
Have brekfast with my dad today have to make up an excuse to were he is and to pretend all is great it's just harder today . No point to this really just ranting xxxx
Yesterday wasn't a good day partner was very upset last night . He doesn't normally speak much about it but last night said alot and basilcly doesn't feel like he can cope anymore.
He said the pain and gulit he feels for what hes done and how it's affected us ect.
I don't know what to tell him becaus ei don't know what's going to happen . I said he will always see his children and I will support the best I can.
But we are just exsisting were not living . This is because his 2nd interview is this week . Well it's going to be 100times worse when waiting on court dates . I'm not sure what I should be doing . No body knowing ect just feels like I'm sat here doing nothing.
Im trying to look after the children and keep them as happy as I can but to the outside world I'm so happy they will wonder how I can pretend when the truth comes out .
Have brekfast with my dad today have to make up an excuse to were he is and to pretend all is great it's just harder today . No point to this really just ranting xxxx
Heya XXX
I genuinely feel for you as I've had similar instances.... No second interview though.
So for your breakfast with dad situation I would just make it a regular.thimg that he never goes, it won't look odd then.
For your husband and his downfall in mental health..
1)Ask him if he feel suicidal or wants to self harm. Very important. If he said yes to anyone alert the appropriate authorities delicately.
2) Just listen, say to him itust be really difficult having all the feelings he has about this. Be truthful, you don't have all the answers but all you can do is be there for him along the way. Is he seeing a regular therapist? I'd suggest he does this to unload his feelings because you cannot support him all alone.
3) Make you sure you're taking care of yourself mentally. You cannot see keep the kids up and him and yourself.
Good luck
I genuinely feel for you as I've had similar instances.... No second interview though.
So for your breakfast with dad situation I would just make it a regular.thimg that he never goes, it won't look odd then.
For your husband and his downfall in mental health..
1)Ask him if he feel suicidal or wants to self harm. Very important. If he said yes to anyone alert the appropriate authorities delicately.
2) Just listen, say to him itust be really difficult having all the feelings he has about this. Be truthful, you don't have all the answers but all you can do is be there for him along the way. Is he seeing a regular therapist? I'd suggest he does this to unload his feelings because you cannot support him all alone.
3) Make you sure you're taking care of yourself mentally. You cannot see keep the kids up and him and yourself.
Good luck
Hi Xxx
This is just the awful limbo you are in at the moment, this journey is such a long process
I'm sorry your Hubby is struggling see if he will speak to his doctors for some help honestly his life is worth so more even though he cant see it yet
You need to take care of yourself also keeping everything in is not good for you, do you have someone that you can confide in? Or phone the helpline they really can help
Just wanted to say you are not alone and we are here for you xx
This is just the awful limbo you are in at the moment, this journey is such a long process
I'm sorry your Hubby is struggling see if he will speak to his doctors for some help honestly his life is worth so more even though he cant see it yet
You need to take care of yourself also keeping everything in is not good for you, do you have someone that you can confide in? Or phone the helpline they really can help
Just wanted to say you are not alone and we are here for you xx
Thank you. I used the mental health in the first few months . He lives at a different address aswell so the excuses have kind of ran out why he's not there .
I try anything but my dad really wants to see him . They also don't really understand mental illness anyway his answer to my partner's depression was going out for food.
He said he would end his life but he said that won't help as then the girls would be even more upset so I think he feels no way out no matter what really.
If we have a good day then he's sad if we have a bad day he's sad .
We normally spend our days in soft play swimming the park ect . So not sure what we will be able to do when it all comes out.
I just have a feeling it will be a massive issue around here and will be posted in media
The only issue with media is him being able to work. He has got a different job but we really need all the money at the moment .
I thort I could carry on with the family events and friends ect but it's not the same without him
He doesn't really feel a father to our new born because he hardly sees her .
I'm not sure how much longer I can hold myself together either . I don't want my girls growing up in all this upset and rules .
I try anything but my dad really wants to see him . They also don't really understand mental illness anyway his answer to my partner's depression was going out for food.
He said he would end his life but he said that won't help as then the girls would be even more upset so I think he feels no way out no matter what really.
If we have a good day then he's sad if we have a bad day he's sad .
We normally spend our days in soft play swimming the park ect . So not sure what we will be able to do when it all comes out.
I just have a feeling it will be a massive issue around here and will be posted in media
The only issue with media is him being able to work. He has got a different job but we really need all the money at the moment .
I thort I could carry on with the family events and friends ect but it's not the same without him
He doesn't really feel a father to our new born because he hardly sees her .
I'm not sure how much longer I can hold myself together either . I don't want my girls growing up in all this upset and rules .
Hi, sorry your feeling like this I have been there and still have days ahead with court, evidence etc so no doubt there will be more. I told everyone we split up because he was talking to other girls online, not actually lying but didn't mentain they were 14/15 year old , my mum. Knows he was arrested and nothing else. At the end of the day it's noones business but ours,. Wondering if you sbd your hubby have had help from gp etc? My partner got great help he was suicidal and went to A&E git a whole team to help him an amazing mental health nurse and counsellor. His gp put him on meds which really helps too. I myself did the same only not to a&e. He's communicating and feels remorse for what he did so that's shows he's taking responsibility. Take one day at a time xcc
When it first happened he went to the doctor's they have him a sick note and some tablets but he said they made him silly and laughing all the time . Then extra down. The doctors are that busy I think he hasn't had a follow up or anything for 9 months . I know we had rang a help line ect when he's really bad . He said they just listen that's what there ment to do .
But he didn't see that as much help really.
He's working 12 hour shifts so just goes to bed ect I think it's been the bank holiday off ect to much time to think.
His car got wrote off aswell so we're to akin to him to work at 5am everyday .
In times of troubles like the car ect the lies make things worse because they think it's okay for him to travel from my address they don't know we know lives further away .
The flat he has is nice but in a very rough place druggies waking him up . Ringing the buzzer . Smoking weed. Dog shot in the hall ect his window is smashed ect so it's just like every thing at once really .
When he went to the doctor's they informed DVLA and they stopped him and banned him from driving to begin with so now he dusnt tell anyone anything .
I for some silly reason thort the police were my friend when they called to check on him ect little did I know they don't give a shit .
I think social services ect don't understand the limbo because they think we don't need a sentence to move on . But it's the fact of all the media and people in the street on top of what we feel. I really don't want the school informed to be honest I'm not sure if they have to know . He will never be there xx
But he didn't see that as much help really.
He's working 12 hour shifts so just goes to bed ect I think it's been the bank holiday off ect to much time to think.
His car got wrote off aswell so we're to akin to him to work at 5am everyday .
In times of troubles like the car ect the lies make things worse because they think it's okay for him to travel from my address they don't know we know lives further away .
The flat he has is nice but in a very rough place druggies waking him up . Ringing the buzzer . Smoking weed. Dog shot in the hall ect his window is smashed ect so it's just like every thing at once really .
When he went to the doctor's they informed DVLA and they stopped him and banned him from driving to begin with so now he dusnt tell anyone anything .
I for some silly reason thort the police were my friend when they called to check on him ect little did I know they don't give a shit .
I think social services ect don't understand the limbo because they think we don't need a sentence to move on . But it's the fact of all the media and people in the street on top of what we feel. I really don't want the school informed to be honest I'm not sure if they have to know . He will never be there xx
I surpose everyone is the same . Wondering wether to stay or go ect. I just wonder weather if we all live together in the future my childnre will be more acfected . And for me it's more than this it's lies ect .
I just wish it was all a bad dream the same for us all I surpose.
I don't feel we will be stronger after ect . And eveen when he is charges is this 10 years of not being able to go anywere or attend family events . Eveen when the shpo is spent will social services still stick with the rules for telling anyone at a family eveen ect .
I just wish it was all a bad dream the same for us all I surpose.
I don't feel we will be stronger after ect . And eveen when he is charges is this 10 years of not being able to go anywere or attend family events . Eveen when the shpo is spent will social services still stick with the rules for telling anyone at a family eveen ect .
It's such a confusing sad situation but do what's right for you. I totally get it even though we've no children together I do have a 15 year old, he can't live with me for a long time but I'm OK with that, deoends on what you wabt for the future, just take it easy, make no big decisions yet whole you're head is buzzing like this. It's terrible we have did nothing wrong yet we are the ones to suffer all of this. I'm here if you need a rant anytime xx
Oh and get you both back to gp, obviously the meds arnt working for him and you also need to take care of yourself, maybe get counselling it did me so much good and my partner he's getting a second round here just b4 court etc as things kick off agsin, probably during or after summer x
Oh Xxx, these days when our brains go round and round over the same stuff without any resolution are awful, aren't they? In the old days, before the knock, it might be my other half would turn to for support, but he feels awful too, and anyway, my brain tells me it's All His Fault! Or I might turn to a friend, or my sister, but I can't, because they don't know about all this and I don't know how they might all react. Thank goodness for this forum, where we are all going through the same thing and trying to get our heads round it and figure out how to get our lives back to something resembling normal.
And the having to make excuses. I haven't had to lie yet, just dodge telling the truth. And when we are out and about together, and there are children and teenagers about, I think, we won't be able to go to these places / events if he is convicted. But we are in limbo land for a good while longer yet, solicitor says trials are currently being scheduled for the end of 2023....
Im trying hard to stay positive, look for the good in life, count my blessings, focus on what I have, but it's hard when I remember that in a year or so, possibly less, everything will start to unravel, and I will have to make some hard choices. I'm still grieving for my old life and I'm finding it hard to let go.
I hope tomorrow will be a better day for you and your family, Xxx. And for all of us.
I
And the having to make excuses. I haven't had to lie yet, just dodge telling the truth. And when we are out and about together, and there are children and teenagers about, I think, we won't be able to go to these places / events if he is convicted. But we are in limbo land for a good while longer yet, solicitor says trials are currently being scheduled for the end of 2023....
Im trying hard to stay positive, look for the good in life, count my blessings, focus on what I have, but it's hard when I remember that in a year or so, possibly less, everything will start to unravel, and I will have to make some hard choices. I'm still grieving for my old life and I'm finding it hard to let go.
I hope tomorrow will be a better day for you and your family, Xxx. And for all of us.
I
Hi Xxx
big hugs - we all have days like this.
just wanted to share my experience - oh has been there too - I hugged him, told him I will support him best I can but don't know what is going to happen in the future. No big decisions, like you say, existing. Kids come first. I let him be teary and have a down day then I kicked his ass and give him some tough love - mind doesn't work with everyone but it did with him. I told him this was his mess and to put it right he had to be a support to me and the best dad he could be to our kids. I made him promise he would not do anything stupid or hurt himself as we still needed him. I said if he did do anything it would be even more stress on us and I'd never forgive him. Seemed to work (thankfully!) obviously depends on different personalities. But he's stopped feeling sorry for himself since and is doing the best he can.
Waiting for second interview was horrid but once it was over it was a HUGE relief and I don't think it was as bad as expected - just they disclosed what evidence they had found off devices. cats and number of iioc. It was a relief for me that it wasn't worse than it was. He felt better after. At least things were moving towards our new normal.
Im not all tough love - I took him to GP and got him on meds. He's having therapy. Taking one day at a time xx
big hugs - we all have days like this.
just wanted to share my experience - oh has been there too - I hugged him, told him I will support him best I can but don't know what is going to happen in the future. No big decisions, like you say, existing. Kids come first. I let him be teary and have a down day then I kicked his ass and give him some tough love - mind doesn't work with everyone but it did with him. I told him this was his mess and to put it right he had to be a support to me and the best dad he could be to our kids. I made him promise he would not do anything stupid or hurt himself as we still needed him. I said if he did do anything it would be even more stress on us and I'd never forgive him. Seemed to work (thankfully!) obviously depends on different personalities. But he's stopped feeling sorry for himself since and is doing the best he can.
Waiting for second interview was horrid but once it was over it was a HUGE relief and I don't think it was as bad as expected - just they disclosed what evidence they had found off devices. cats and number of iioc. It was a relief for me that it wasn't worse than it was. He felt better after. At least things were moving towards our new normal.
Im not all tough love - I took him to GP and got him on meds. He's having therapy. Taking one day at a time xx
Thank you your all so kind. My partner got black our drink his friend found him on the floor of his flat and locked the door sonhe was safe. It's a one off he doesn't drink ect just think it was a way off trying to cope. I like a drink always ahve done but the next day in I feel so much worse it's like the fear x100 so hopefully he won't do that again. Yea I'm the same trying to keep the old chin up for the children they have had a blast today always wanting to know why daddy can't sleep over . Little girls in my bed so inday if daddy stays u will be in your own room that soon stops her asking. I'm not sure what I'm scared of I think I'm more scared of him being targeted or everyone knowing for his shake .
He says he doesn't car about his self he cares what he's done to us . But I tell him we can always hold our head high and do what we want ect we havnt done it do if poeple don't talk to us threw osisation then I don't want to talk to them anyway .
My dad cancelled brekfast becaus ehe has high blood pressure and needed a rest he said he needs to stop stressing ect so I definitely hope he dusnt find out . The smallest things seem to upset him.
It was my mum's birthday today but she has never got along with my partner sonshes not fussed when he's not around . Saw a friend today I just said things are conclicated . They said has he got another woman I just said no and then changed the topic .
I've made it thew another day but with children I don't want to wish the days away I wanted to enjoy them . I hope your all okay I wish we were close we could meet for coffe or let the kids play xxx
He says he doesn't car about his self he cares what he's done to us . But I tell him we can always hold our head high and do what we want ect we havnt done it do if poeple don't talk to us threw osisation then I don't want to talk to them anyway .
My dad cancelled brekfast becaus ehe has high blood pressure and needed a rest he said he needs to stop stressing ect so I definitely hope he dusnt find out . The smallest things seem to upset him.
It was my mum's birthday today but she has never got along with my partner sonshes not fussed when he's not around . Saw a friend today I just said things are conclicated . They said has he got another woman I just said no and then changed the topic .
I've made it thew another day but with children I don't want to wish the days away I wanted to enjoy them . I hope your all okay I wish we were close we could meet for coffe or let the kids play xxx