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Have finally managed to secure a first visit to my son in prison. He is 23 & autistic. He's had many issues getting to grips with the system. I've finally set up email & bank account for him. Found out today, I can text him too. How do I stay strong on my visit on 14th? He always said he'd never let me see him there. He clearly needs to see me. I never thought our lives would come to this. I want to get off the train please & take him with me. All he wanted to take into prison was a photo album of his beloved dog, who passed away 3 years ago. He's been inside since May 12th & still hasn't been given it. It's the only thing that would comfort him. Is he allowed a watch/timer? He lives his life by timers (autistic thing) & is late for meds/meals/showers/10 mins exercise. I'm worried he'll get into trouble but he has no idea what time it is. Because of lack of space, he's still in isolation, so spends 22 hrs a day in cell. I try to block him out now, it's the only way I can deal with it. That's not right, I need to still love him every minute of every day, nobody else will. I want the son I gave birth to back, what went wrong? How will we ever get to even be near being happy, safe, again?
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Hi Ebony
The first visit is always so tough to get through but you will and it sounds like you both need it x
My son was in remand and has now moved to another prison so the routine is established for us but I like you still wish I could take him home with me, we have a long way to go but I know one day this will happen and the sun will shine down upon his face again xx
The prison dont allow us to bring a timer or watch in however they are able to purchase items from a catalogue, you can send in books via approved suppliers if you go on to the Gov prison site and search where your son is it will give you a list of book stores , also you can now attach pictures on email a prisoner site ( again you would need to check if the prison has this as not all.of them do) but they are printed in black&white x
As your son is autistic it may be worth contacting the prison and speaking to.someone about your son been able to have a watch brought in but it can only be a basic one and again anything to do with prison takes so long
When you do have your visit you will be allowed to hug your son xx
If you need any further advice please just ask xx
Sending strength and hugs xx
The first visit is always so tough to get through but you will and it sounds like you both need it x
My son was in remand and has now moved to another prison so the routine is established for us but I like you still wish I could take him home with me, we have a long way to go but I know one day this will happen and the sun will shine down upon his face again xx
The prison dont allow us to bring a timer or watch in however they are able to purchase items from a catalogue, you can send in books via approved suppliers if you go on to the Gov prison site and search where your son is it will give you a list of book stores , also you can now attach pictures on email a prisoner site ( again you would need to check if the prison has this as not all.of them do) but they are printed in black&white x
As your son is autistic it may be worth contacting the prison and speaking to.someone about your son been able to have a watch brought in but it can only be a basic one and again anything to do with prison takes so long
When you do have your visit you will be allowed to hug your son xx
If you need any further advice please just ask xx
Sending strength and hugs xx
How terribly hard for you Ebony . I too have an autistic 23 yr old currently on police bail. You will cope because you have to be strong for your son.
you are living through my worst fear! How have you found the whole experience regarding his autism . It must be so frightening for you both.
hopefully things will settle down and both of you will find some sort of routine.
you are most definitely not alone I'm sure x
you are living through my worst fear! How have you found the whole experience regarding his autism . It must be so frightening for you both.
hopefully things will settle down and both of you will find some sort of routine.
you are most definitely not alone I'm sure x
Thank you all for the support. I'm visiting next Tuesday. So, when I close my eyes at night, now all I see is him walking towards me & I just crumble. Him walking away at the end will be even harder. Because of initial isolation period (now in his 4th week), he is only allowed out for 2 hrs day. He has half an hour to go get his meds, shower & eat, same for lunch & night. 10 minutes exercise. I've been told I can take the books in, but they will take weeks to get to him. He takes things literally and doesn't have a filter - he says what he thinks and doesn't hold back. I worry this will get him into trouble but apparently the guards find him extremely polite. He says he is making friends, bless him, so vulnerable. I hope he'll get his photo album of his beloved dog very soon - that would give him so much comfort. He usually chews a chewy tube when stresses- a special device for people with autism but he isn't allowed it - fear of strangling himself, so the probation officer told me. I've had two handwritten emails from him. I can tell by his writing that he's anxious but in the one 10 minute call I had with him, he sounded calm. He will adjust, as he needs routine and there is certainly that in his life now. I count every minute of each day and will do until December, when I pray he'll be home for Christmas.
Evening Ebony
You have got this honestly x
This journey takes us to breaking point but we get through it and so will your son xx
Sending hugs xx
You have got this honestly x
This journey takes us to breaking point but we get through it and so will your son xx
Sending hugs xx
Ebony, I've just seen your other post about your first visit to your son, I'm pleased it wasn't as bad as you'd expected. I visited my person for the first time last month and was similarly terrified.
Your post reminded me that I meant to reply to this one. You said that you think your son would take comfort in having photos of his dog. It seems a bit hit and miss whether photographs get through (a whole album certainly wouldn't) but I send a weekly letter that's typed and printed, in this I include images and they always get through.
The other thing you could do is a custom card from Moompig with images of the dog.
If you have the electronic copies of the photos you could try on of the above or perhaps scan the originals in.
Your post reminded me that I meant to reply to this one. You said that you think your son would take comfort in having photos of his dog. It seems a bit hit and miss whether photographs get through (a whole album certainly wouldn't) but I send a weekly letter that's typed and printed, in this I include images and they always get through.
The other thing you could do is a custom card from Moompig with images of the dog.
If you have the electronic copies of the photos you could try on of the above or perhaps scan the originals in.
I send a few photos to my lad in prison and had no problems - I identify the people in the pic by writing details on the back. He receives them within a few days, parcels do take perhaps a couple of weeks +
I have since emailed pictures of his dog & he has received a black & white print out. That will be his most treasured possession in there & I hope, will comfort him. Thanks again for all the support. He rang me Friday. The phone calls from him keep me going.
I'm glad your boy has a photo of his dog.. sending you so much love Ebony, I can feel your pain in every word you have written here.
Xxxxxx
Xxxxxx
Ebony
I have nothing useful to add, but you are a wonderful Mum and I am so sorry that you and your son are in this situation. All parents think they love their children unconditionally,but it is only when something like this happens that we truly understand the meaning of unconditional.
My son is the same age as yours. Undiagnosed,but without a doubt autistic and with other mh diagnosis too. We are not yet at your stage in the journey ( which is agony) but in this past year, I have only grown to love my son more.
Love to you both xx
I have nothing useful to add, but you are a wonderful Mum and I am so sorry that you and your son are in this situation. All parents think they love their children unconditionally,but it is only when something like this happens that we truly understand the meaning of unconditional.
My son is the same age as yours. Undiagnosed,but without a doubt autistic and with other mh diagnosis too. We are not yet at your stage in the journey ( which is agony) but in this past year, I have only grown to love my son more.
Love to you both xx