How long can this go on?
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Hi everyone,
I've been lurking on this forum for quite a while, but finally posting as nothing seems to be moving and I'd really appreciate anyone who can share their experience or offer me any words of wisdom.
Back story: My brother had "the knock" in September 2018. He was at home with our older brother, dad and mum. I don't live at home any more so wasn't there on the day, and nobody told me about it for a couple of months. My mum finally told me in November 2018, because she couldn't keep the stress of it all bottled up any more, but she made me promise not to tell my brother that I know, so I haven't. The information I have is very limited because my mum just shuts off any time I mention it, she can't bear to think about it and doesn't want to discuss it at all. Apparently the police spoke to our older brother first, then my younger brother, who was then arrested and taken for questioning. His devices were taken as well. He is saying he has nothing to hide and my mum believes him. 99% of me believes him as well, but I have a horrible niggly feeling just because I can't understand why the police would make an arrest if they didn't have some kind of evidence?
Apparently he has heard no more since that interview in 2018. He hasn't had his devices back and is just going about daily life. Its like nothing has happened.I asked my mum if he had chased it up at all last week and she said no. That was the end of the conversation.
For me, I can't get it out of my mind. I almost wish I didn't know. I was 8 months pregnant when I found out about it all so now have a 2.5 year old and I darent leave her alone at my mums house. How awful is that? I feel like I can't trust my own family because of this, whereas if I didn't know about the arrest it wouldn't even cross my mind to not trust them. I cant stop thinking about it and even if the devices come back with nothing on and case closed I think it will still play on my mind. If it wasn't on his device does it mean it was on my older brothers or my dads and they just got the wrong person? Why did they speak to both brothers and only arrest one? Why didn't they speak to my mum or dad? I'm just so confused and have so many questions that nobody can answer.
I actually ended up making a request for information under Sarah's law to try and get some basic information as the info my mum is giving me is so limited, it's like getting water out of a stone. A police lady came out to see me but basically said she couldn't tell me anything as we weren't in a situation where my daughter is at risk, but that there must be some evidence for an arrest to happen. I asked how much longer it would take and she said not long at all, definitely by the end of the year. That was October and we are now in June.
Has anyone else had it take this long? Part of me thinks my brother is lying and has heard something as I haven't seen anyone else on here where it's taken nearly three years? But then I can't think what he would have to gain from lying.
Sorry for the essay, but it feels good to get all that off my chest, even if nobody reads it!
I've been lurking on this forum for quite a while, but finally posting as nothing seems to be moving and I'd really appreciate anyone who can share their experience or offer me any words of wisdom.
Back story: My brother had "the knock" in September 2018. He was at home with our older brother, dad and mum. I don't live at home any more so wasn't there on the day, and nobody told me about it for a couple of months. My mum finally told me in November 2018, because she couldn't keep the stress of it all bottled up any more, but she made me promise not to tell my brother that I know, so I haven't. The information I have is very limited because my mum just shuts off any time I mention it, she can't bear to think about it and doesn't want to discuss it at all. Apparently the police spoke to our older brother first, then my younger brother, who was then arrested and taken for questioning. His devices were taken as well. He is saying he has nothing to hide and my mum believes him. 99% of me believes him as well, but I have a horrible niggly feeling just because I can't understand why the police would make an arrest if they didn't have some kind of evidence?
Apparently he has heard no more since that interview in 2018. He hasn't had his devices back and is just going about daily life. Its like nothing has happened.I asked my mum if he had chased it up at all last week and she said no. That was the end of the conversation.
For me, I can't get it out of my mind. I almost wish I didn't know. I was 8 months pregnant when I found out about it all so now have a 2.5 year old and I darent leave her alone at my mums house. How awful is that? I feel like I can't trust my own family because of this, whereas if I didn't know about the arrest it wouldn't even cross my mind to not trust them. I cant stop thinking about it and even if the devices come back with nothing on and case closed I think it will still play on my mind. If it wasn't on his device does it mean it was on my older brothers or my dads and they just got the wrong person? Why did they speak to both brothers and only arrest one? Why didn't they speak to my mum or dad? I'm just so confused and have so many questions that nobody can answer.
I actually ended up making a request for information under Sarah's law to try and get some basic information as the info my mum is giving me is so limited, it's like getting water out of a stone. A police lady came out to see me but basically said she couldn't tell me anything as we weren't in a situation where my daughter is at risk, but that there must be some evidence for an arrest to happen. I asked how much longer it would take and she said not long at all, definitely by the end of the year. That was October and we are now in June.
Has anyone else had it take this long? Part of me thinks my brother is lying and has heard something as I haven't seen anyone else on here where it's taken nearly three years? But then I can't think what he would have to gain from lying.
Sorry for the essay, but it feels good to get all that off my chest, even if nobody reads it!
Hi Confused,
Sorry you've found yourself here and I think it's great you're questioning things for your sanity and for your child. It would be very rare for it to be almost 4 years down the line and charges not to have been posted and something happen. There are people in a similar position but we've all at least had charges, been to court to plead not guilty etc. I would've thought something would've happened. Of course when released under investigation the Police could effectively take as long as they like but I'm sure there is a cut off point of maybe 6 years to be able to prosecute once an investigation is launched. The Police officer you spoke to is right in 99% of cases there is usually more to it but there is the odd time it's a mistake. From the reaction you are getting I would be inclined to say that perhaps he may have been convicted but you wouldn't necessarily know if it hadn't been in the press. Have you noticed he isn't on social media anymore or has a different phone? If you offered your child to stay over has there been excuses made as to why it can't happen? These little things could be a sign of conviction if he's received a SHPO or on the register. I'm sorry you feel like your family are withholding info from you, it must be very frustrating! X
Also, they do tend to ask everyone in the house who uses what, I was asked if I have access to certain things. If they went there on suspicion of iioc because the internet provider had alerted them to activity then I would assume that the younger brother must've admitted it was him if only his devices were taken. If no evidence had been found then NFA (no further action) would've happened and probably a long time ago x
Sorry you've found yourself here and I think it's great you're questioning things for your sanity and for your child. It would be very rare for it to be almost 4 years down the line and charges not to have been posted and something happen. There are people in a similar position but we've all at least had charges, been to court to plead not guilty etc. I would've thought something would've happened. Of course when released under investigation the Police could effectively take as long as they like but I'm sure there is a cut off point of maybe 6 years to be able to prosecute once an investigation is launched. The Police officer you spoke to is right in 99% of cases there is usually more to it but there is the odd time it's a mistake. From the reaction you are getting I would be inclined to say that perhaps he may have been convicted but you wouldn't necessarily know if it hadn't been in the press. Have you noticed he isn't on social media anymore or has a different phone? If you offered your child to stay over has there been excuses made as to why it can't happen? These little things could be a sign of conviction if he's received a SHPO or on the register. I'm sorry you feel like your family are withholding info from you, it must be very frustrating! X
Also, they do tend to ask everyone in the house who uses what, I was asked if I have access to certain things. If they went there on suspicion of iioc because the internet provider had alerted them to activity then I would assume that the younger brother must've admitted it was him if only his devices were taken. If no evidence had been found then NFA (no further action) would've happened and probably a long time ago x
It's not impossible.. if he is released under investigation and not bailed then there is no time limit that the police have to work towards.
Although this does seem an incredibly long time..!
Hopefully someone will be able to help you, sending love and strength in the mean time xxxx
Although this does seem an incredibly long time..!
Hopefully someone will be able to help you, sending love and strength in the mean time xxxx
Hi
Yes my partner has been waiting since June 2018 with not a word from the police also. I think it is a bit unusual. We are in Essex tho he was arrested a long way from where we live, and I think it does depend where you live.
it is hard to carry on and sometimes I still can't believe it happened, but I think now I am so used to getting on with our lives and luckily our son knows nothing about his arrest. I have changed the way I think since his arrest and now I just focus on today, no one knows what is round the corner, enjoy today!
wishing you all the best
mabel xx
Yes my partner has been waiting since June 2018 with not a word from the police also. I think it is a bit unusual. We are in Essex tho he was arrested a long way from where we live, and I think it does depend where you live.
it is hard to carry on and sometimes I still can't believe it happened, but I think now I am so used to getting on with our lives and luckily our son knows nothing about his arrest. I have changed the way I think since his arrest and now I just focus on today, no one knows what is round the corner, enjoy today!
wishing you all the best
mabel xx
Thank you so much for the replies.
I haven't noticed any difference in him, no. He was never a massive social media user anyway but he hasn't come off of them, and still posts very occasionally (in keeping with his usual sort of usage). The reaction from my mum has been the same the whole way through - after she told me about it, any time after that she would shut me down and give abrupt answers so I don't think it's because something worse has happened and she doesn't want to tell me. I just think she tries to put it to the back of her head. I know nothing more than the initial arrest/interview had happened at least up until October when I saw the police lady as she confirmed that to me. He/they don't bat an eyelid at the thought of my daughter staying there. It's been suggested on more than one occasion but I always avoid the topic and have never left her there alone. I don't think he would ever do anything but this whole thing has put so much doubt in my mind.
I really can't see him having done anything. If anything, as awful as it sounds, I would think him least likely out of the three of the men in the house. He has a girlfriend, a good social life, job etc. He just doesn't fit the sort of mould for people you would expect to do these sorts of things. But then I guess there isn't really a standard "type". A million things have gone round my brain, could he have been speaking to a girl without realising her age, I could totally see that happening. Or even being in a group chat and someone sharing something disgusting. But I just can't see him doing anything purposefully. But who knows really?
It's so hard because on the one hand I want it all finished and for the police to come back with no evidence but on the other I just feel like, if no evidence is found for him, there will never be any closure. I will always be wondering what has triggered all this and been missed. Surely they don't get things like this wrong??
Baffled, your post reminded me that in his interview he apparently admitted having KIK so I don't know if that was the trigger. But say that was the case, and my older brother also had it but denied it, does that mean they just believe him? Only my younger brother had his devices taken away. My mum and dad weren't even spoken to, and my older brother kept all of his devices.
Mabel, so sorry you are in a similar situation. It's just so hard isn't it? I know what you mean about just living for the day, and sometimes I do, but there's just certain things that trigger me. I can't relax at my mums house anymore, if my daughter goes upstairs I'm straight there with her, I feel like I can't let her out of my sight. And it's like that with all of them really. Just a sad situation to be in. Xx
I haven't noticed any difference in him, no. He was never a massive social media user anyway but he hasn't come off of them, and still posts very occasionally (in keeping with his usual sort of usage). The reaction from my mum has been the same the whole way through - after she told me about it, any time after that she would shut me down and give abrupt answers so I don't think it's because something worse has happened and she doesn't want to tell me. I just think she tries to put it to the back of her head. I know nothing more than the initial arrest/interview had happened at least up until October when I saw the police lady as she confirmed that to me. He/they don't bat an eyelid at the thought of my daughter staying there. It's been suggested on more than one occasion but I always avoid the topic and have never left her there alone. I don't think he would ever do anything but this whole thing has put so much doubt in my mind.
I really can't see him having done anything. If anything, as awful as it sounds, I would think him least likely out of the three of the men in the house. He has a girlfriend, a good social life, job etc. He just doesn't fit the sort of mould for people you would expect to do these sorts of things. But then I guess there isn't really a standard "type". A million things have gone round my brain, could he have been speaking to a girl without realising her age, I could totally see that happening. Or even being in a group chat and someone sharing something disgusting. But I just can't see him doing anything purposefully. But who knows really?
It's so hard because on the one hand I want it all finished and for the police to come back with no evidence but on the other I just feel like, if no evidence is found for him, there will never be any closure. I will always be wondering what has triggered all this and been missed. Surely they don't get things like this wrong??
Baffled, your post reminded me that in his interview he apparently admitted having KIK so I don't know if that was the trigger. But say that was the case, and my older brother also had it but denied it, does that mean they just believe him? Only my younger brother had his devices taken away. My mum and dad weren't even spoken to, and my older brother kept all of his devices.
Mabel, so sorry you are in a similar situation. It's just so hard isn't it? I know what you mean about just living for the day, and sometimes I do, but there's just certain things that trigger me. I can't relax at my mums house anymore, if my daughter goes upstairs I'm straight there with her, I feel like I can't let her out of my sight. And it's like that with all of them really. Just a sad situation to be in. Xx
To be fair, thinking about it I reacted the same when my sister has asked me about it - the Police forced me to tell her because of her child even though we never offer childcare, because it's been asked when I'm just trying to go about life and bringing it up is painful and worrying, she hasn't asked me about it for a long while, I assume she's forgotten about it now! So maybe your Mum is just trying to forget about it and pretend it isn't happening and there really hasn't been any news.
I think in your situation it is either lousy police work or they had evidence that made them believe strongly enough that it definitely was that brother. I don't understand how they decide to do what they do. There were multiple things the Police never bothered to take in my case which rang alarm bells to me considering they were making out my partner was the worst of the worst, they literally handed me a leaflet entitled "what to do if a loved one has been accessing indecent images online" - which is what brought me here but there wasn't ever any images - for them to assume that you would think they would cover all grounds and take everything. They went off my word that he never accessed my laptop (which he didn't) but by the time they asked I could've lied, I could've lied that the phone I'd bought him for Xmas was mine and he had no access to it but I didn't which makes me wonder how many people aren't forthcoming when the horrible knock happens! Hopefully it is taking so long because they're scrambling to find evidence which they won't find and it's all a mistake, it's truly awful people are left in this limbo and quite frankly I find it impedes on human rights.
I think in your situation it is either lousy police work or they had evidence that made them believe strongly enough that it definitely was that brother. I don't understand how they decide to do what they do. There were multiple things the Police never bothered to take in my case which rang alarm bells to me considering they were making out my partner was the worst of the worst, they literally handed me a leaflet entitled "what to do if a loved one has been accessing indecent images online" - which is what brought me here but there wasn't ever any images - for them to assume that you would think they would cover all grounds and take everything. They went off my word that he never accessed my laptop (which he didn't) but by the time they asked I could've lied, I could've lied that the phone I'd bought him for Xmas was mine and he had no access to it but I didn't which makes me wonder how many people aren't forthcoming when the horrible knock happens! Hopefully it is taking so long because they're scrambling to find evidence which they won't find and it's all a mistake, it's truly awful people are left in this limbo and quite frankly I find it impedes on human rights.
After 25 months I'm thinking the same. How can he not have heard anything yet. I guess it happens, we are Southwest England.
Hi, my Dad was arrested 14 months ago and I thought that was a long time. We haven't heard anything either. The wait is horrible, like limbo! I hope you hear soon. Xxx