Family and Friends Forum

I rarely comment just read but tonight I'm in bits because I feel stupid.

Truly feel very alone.

Broken hearted

OH was arrested and the charge sheet stated digital penetration. I truly thought this meant digitally as in online... that he hadn't physically done anything. He admitted to chatting to another adult regarding a minor.

Never would I believe he would have physically done anything like this. He says he hasnt and wouldnt that it was a conversation. I am now mortified that hes not the person I believed he was. I have supported him when he's lost everything. Family, job, home and me as a partner.

Ultimately I'm scared for him but also for myself and the consequences of his actions.

Hi Lee,

Suspicion of digital penetration of an under 13 year old.

I truly thought this was because he'd talked online about a scenario he'd 'created'.

Online being digital

At no time did I think (or still think) he would have physically touched intimately any child.

He is such a caring, loving man who is now so ashamed and embarrassed.

He was chatting and drawn into a conversation (most likely more than one convo) that would normally of set alarm bells off.

Not been charged to my knowledge. Still under investigation.

He's trying to rebuild his life (with my help) although the future still very unknown.

I still care for him but can't be in an intimate relationship with him. Even though I don't believe he's a threat to any child the thought of what may have been discussed upsets me so much. This all happened when we had been together for more than two years. Both with adult children of our own it's so hard to get on with 'normal' life as life will never be the same again.

The only way i can express my emotions is by saying he threw the stone into the pond but the ripples keep bouncing back and forth from the edge. Each time taking a bit more of my confidence with it. X

Yes he has bail conditions and I understand the reasons these have been put in place.

No conditions relating to my children.

I have no concerns towards him and them but as I have distanced myself from the relationship we had as a couple, we no longer all go out together.

He categorically denies any physical contact but must have discussed some form of sexual touch with the other adult.

He says he's done a couple of modules but doesn't feel they apply so much to him. As I'm unaware what they consist of I can't comment but know I've struggled to find others on here in similar situations to compare to or look at for advice. He was chatting with guys on a 'glamourous ladies site' which lead to a conversation with another adult which led to some talk about children.

His children are dealing with it in their own way, protecting themselves from more hurt and upset. I don't feel anyone else knows how broken and hurt he really is. He's trying to carry on as normal a life as he can, coping by joking and trying to make others laugh. He's a private person so struggles to talk openly for fear of causing more hurt. His doctor has said he can't do anything yet (counselling) to wait till they know what happens... I think that's going to be too late. He's now on antidepressants.

He has made a positive changes. I only wish others knew how much their support would help him.

Thankyou for commenting Lee.

I've very much appreciated having someone to chat to.

Thankyou for commenting Lee.

I've very much appreciated having someone to chat to.

Thanx Daffodil,

I can only respond to things when he talks to me but know he's bottling up so much emotional pain. He knows what he's lost and the fact he will never be treated the same however many times he apologies to those his arrest and ongoing investigation has impacted.

He feels he needs some form of help/support although still adamant hes no threat to any child.

The fact he had a conversation with another adult and what in his mind created its contents are what I feel he needs help dealing with.

At the moment processing the hurt and upset brick by brick is a daily battle. Losing so much in such a short space of time. Starting at the bottom trying to rebuild some form of normality.

X

Thankyou Lee,

Explaining it so perfectly for me to understand.

You are so, so helpful. Xx

Well, what a difference a year makes

Finally it went to court.

Just need to rant tonight

He isn't the man I thought he was. The judge outlined some of the conversation he and the other adult had. I was disgusted that I had supported this person. Once again I feel a complete fool. I should have known!

I believed what he told me and stuck up for him. How wrong could I have been.

I now understand why his children were advised to have no contact with him. I presume as I was 'supporting him' they felt I knew what he'd done so I'm guilty by association. I only knew what he chose to tell me (turns out very little) and after two years I hear detsils in court, whilst sitting in front of the families of the victims he'd discussed.

We are all victims of these crimes and life will never be as it was.

Memories from my relationship are now tarnished knowing the sharing of pictures and conversations were going on throughout it.

I want to scream at him but end up crying out of frustration. I've told him I'm done. I can't keep being hurt. However much I care/cared about him, I obviously never knew the real him. Sounds crazy, together for five years and if I hadn't been in the court 'supporting' him I doubt i would ever have known.

I didn't go to his sentencing, I'd heard enough but am told the judge was very graphic. Thankfully that's something I won't repeat over and over in my head.

Unlike the knock, the invasion of my home, the worry and heartbreak. The anger, dissapointment and the visions when i closed my eyes... the ripple effect from this will stay with me forever.

Please look for the signs that your person may need more help than they will admit. Had mine been honest in the beginning maybe I could have helped. Instead my love for him has turned to anger and that's not who I want to be. So far better for me to walk away and hope he gets the help and support he needs.