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Advice needed

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HelpMe

Member since
June 2022

140 posts

Posted Mon June 13, 2022 12:16pmReport post

Post deleted


Edited Thu August 10, 2023 1:45pm

Newlady

Member since
April 2021

644 posts

Posted Mon June 13, 2022 1:03pmReport post

Sorry can't help you with regards to charges but just a bit of support. Charges will be a long way off so is he doing anything to address his behaviour? Get some help for you also xc

HelpMe

Member since
June 2022

140 posts

Posted Mon June 13, 2022 1:11pmReport post

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Edited Thu August 10, 2023 1:45pm

SAL

Member since
December 2021

895 posts

Posted Mon June 13, 2022 1:27pmReport post

I've just responded to your message on a post I'd made about my person. I'm sorry you find yourself here. There are lots of people here much better positioned to answer tgr questions around your own children and social services.

Was the child portrayed to be fictious in the conversation? Or did he believe there was an actual child?

SAL

Member since
December 2021

895 posts

Posted Mon June 13, 2022 1:28pmReport post

Contact StopSo for counselling. They are very good at responding.

I'd personally say just ignore the "if" they charge. For one, the police aren't the ones that can bring charges, it's the CPS therefore the police can't say whether he will or won't be charged. Unfortunately, its very rare that charges are not made. Secondly, now is the time to confront what has happened and start doing what you can to make sure you get the best outcome for you and your family (whatever you feel that is) and for him to work on understanding why this happened. My person was so naive in everything (the conversation itself, trusting the police and his legal team). He buried his head in the sand, didn't believe it was possible to be arrested for just talking about something (idiot and shows his lack of lateral thinking), he took the advise of "carry on with life as normal".

Edited Mon June 13, 2022 1:39pm

HelpMe

Member since
June 2022

140 posts

Posted Mon June 13, 2022 1:29pmReport post

Post deleted


Edited Thu August 10, 2023 1:45pm

SAL

Member since
December 2021

895 posts

Posted Mon June 13, 2022 2:01pmReport post

Then if he is charged, he will very likely be charged with one or the two charges mentioned on the post I replied to.

HelpMe

Member since
June 2022

140 posts

Posted Mon June 13, 2022 2:08pmReport post

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Edited Thu August 10, 2023 1:45pm

Orchid94

Member since
July 2021

98 posts

Posted Mon June 13, 2022 2:09pmReport post

Hi Helpme,

I am so sorry that you've found yourself here. You'll find lots of advice and support on this forum so try to revisit the earlier posts (when you have time) and hopefully you will find some similar stories.

I also wanted to second what SAL has said, now is really the time for your partner to start working on how and why he ended up where he did. There are lots of resources detailed on this forum and professional support from Lucy Faithful to help guide him so ringing the advice line is a good place to start.

As for you, many congratulations on your pregnancy. I am not surprised that child services are pushing for you to stop contact with your partner - this eliminates the risk and is consequently, less work for authorities. I would also suggest reading through ScaredLamb's and Lost123's posts as they were also pregnant during the knock so can advise on that note.

Please take care of yourself. X

Edited Mon June 13, 2022 2:15pm

SAL

Member since
December 2021

895 posts

Posted Mon June 13, 2022 2:17pmReport post

Other people have had the same charges as my partner and with specific arrangements to meet but received a less severe sentence than my person.

There have also been cases on here recently where the sentence has been suspended - So no, it doesn't mean immediate custodial. There is hope but he needs to face what he's done and seek help and support.

It was penetrative.

Edited Mon June 13, 2022 2:27pm

HelpMe

Member since
June 2022

140 posts

Posted Mon June 13, 2022 2:23pmReport post

Post deleted


Edited Thu August 10, 2023 1:45pm

SAL

Member since
December 2021

895 posts

Posted Mon June 13, 2022 2:31pmReport post

Sex Addicts Anonymous and Sex and Love Addictions Anonymous. They run free sessions throughout the UK, asking for only a small donation. They follow the 12 Steps, similar to Alcoholics Anonymous - However, it isn't somewhere he'll be able to discuss this specific subject and to really understand what led him there, but is a great place to understand why he has a dependancy on porn/ sex.

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2550 posts

Posted Mon June 13, 2022 2:31pmReport post

Hi HelpMe

i think it's disgusting how the SS have labelled your partner with the P word, and said he was grooming. It really makes my blood boil over. It's just not professional to flippantly throw around such accusations/labels in my opinion.

We were told (by the police) my son groomed us all including me - what a load of cobblers!

I know, my lovely, you are SO desperate for answers, but it won't happen quickly. Try to slow down and please don't try to take everything on board at once.

keep posting, you have friends that understand on our lovely Forum.

Edited Mon June 13, 2022 2:35pm

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2401 posts

Posted Mon June 13, 2022 2:42pmReport post

Afternoon HelpMe

Sorry you find yourself here but it is the best place to be for information and support

I second what everyone else has advised , this is early days and you will drive yourself insane trying to guess what the outcome will be

As Lee said the police are only interested in a conviction so be mindful what they ask you

They will not disclose what the charges are unless he gives full permission we had this with my sons case so the solicitor was able to tell me everything

Please reach out to us and make sure you look after yourself first xx

HelpMe

Member since
June 2022

140 posts

Posted Mon June 13, 2022 2:43pmReport post

Post deleted


Edited Thu August 10, 2023 1:45pm

SAL

Member since
December 2021

895 posts

Posted Mon June 13, 2022 4:13pmReport post

I'll second what Lee has said in regards to looking through this forum.

Try and find some time to go through with a pen and piece of paper. Perhaps categories them - Help you you, help for him and another for your child and social services.

As Lee says, you are early days it seems, you need to get your suit of armour on and get all you defense in place to protect for fort - Whatever that might be.

My person had the knock before we were a couple and he didn't tell me, I had only 4 months from finding out he'd been charged to him going to prison - Boy I wish I'd known sooner so I could get into action, but I was like a rabbit in the head lights.

Polly Pocket

Member since
May 2022

440 posts

Posted Mon June 13, 2022 5:44pmReport post

Sending love and backing what all the great ladies here have said xxx