Rumours
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Hi, first post and tbh I'm petrified doing this but hope there's some support/advice.
It's been 8weeks since the knock, we're married and have two children.
He has a solicitor and we've been told that they are asking for more time so we're looking at a lot longer now before charges and sentencing.
SS have closed case for my family, husband is bailed and living elsewhere.
There is a small amount of people who know details, but there is tonnes of speculation due to the nature of his job as he has been suspended from work and our current living circumstances/us not being together anywhere as previously we were a team, a real family unit.
I'm really struggling to adapt and have sought help, and having medication to help me stabilise following a really traumatic few months prior to this.
I guess I'm posting to see how I can cope with this moving forward, dealing with rumours and what we actually say as I'm being bombarded with messages (albeit supportive) letting me know they're here and sorry I'm going through a difficult time. Though they don't actually know the scenario.
Any ideas/tips/support?!
It's been 8weeks since the knock, we're married and have two children.
He has a solicitor and we've been told that they are asking for more time so we're looking at a lot longer now before charges and sentencing.
SS have closed case for my family, husband is bailed and living elsewhere.
There is a small amount of people who know details, but there is tonnes of speculation due to the nature of his job as he has been suspended from work and our current living circumstances/us not being together anywhere as previously we were a team, a real family unit.
I'm really struggling to adapt and have sought help, and having medication to help me stabilise following a really traumatic few months prior to this.
I guess I'm posting to see how I can cope with this moving forward, dealing with rumours and what we actually say as I'm being bombarded with messages (albeit supportive) letting me know they're here and sorry I'm going through a difficult time. Though they don't actually know the scenario.
Any ideas/tips/support?!
Hi Ellem
I'm fairly new to the forum as well and I totally agree that sending your first message takes a huge amount of courage and nerve. So well done you for making such a positive step and reaching out.
I haven't told anyone about our situation yet (no kids so SS not involved) but I dread the day when we may not have a choice. It sounds from what you have said that those that do know are supporting you which is a good thing. However, if you feel that you are getting too many messages you can ask your friends/family to give you a bit of space. We all know that it's hard to switch off from this whole nightmare and in those small moments when you can you don't want to be reminded by getting pinged from someone.
Unfortunately I don't have much advice to give you at the moment but noticed that you hadn't received a reply and just wanted to send you a quick hello.
Most people do post on the Discussion topic so there isn't much traffic on this section unfortunately.
Hope you are doing ok today.
I'm fairly new to the forum as well and I totally agree that sending your first message takes a huge amount of courage and nerve. So well done you for making such a positive step and reaching out.
I haven't told anyone about our situation yet (no kids so SS not involved) but I dread the day when we may not have a choice. It sounds from what you have said that those that do know are supporting you which is a good thing. However, if you feel that you are getting too many messages you can ask your friends/family to give you a bit of space. We all know that it's hard to switch off from this whole nightmare and in those small moments when you can you don't want to be reminded by getting pinged from someone.
Unfortunately I don't have much advice to give you at the moment but noticed that you hadn't received a reply and just wanted to send you a quick hello.
Most people do post on the Discussion topic so there isn't much traffic on this section unfortunately.
Hope you are doing ok today.
Well done for first post.
I'd recommend telling nobody else at the minute as once told it cannot be undone.
I told 2 'friends' who have turned their backs on us and I wish I hadn't disclosed. Thankfully told family and have been amazing.
Oh has a couple of friends who he told he is going thru a bad time and is not ready to talk about it, they haven't pushed for any info, respected him and said if you want to talk we here, if not that's fine too.
I've learned to say as little as possible to those I dont 100% trust too with 'not ready to talk / going thru a bad time / not getting along '
I'd recommend telling nobody else at the minute as once told it cannot be undone.
I told 2 'friends' who have turned their backs on us and I wish I hadn't disclosed. Thankfully told family and have been amazing.
Oh has a couple of friends who he told he is going thru a bad time and is not ready to talk about it, they haven't pushed for any info, respected him and said if you want to talk we here, if not that's fine too.
I've learned to say as little as possible to those I dont 100% trust too with 'not ready to talk / going thru a bad time / not getting along '
Post deleted by user
Well done for being brave and doing your first post.
Just be prepared this will be a long process... probably at least 6 months until there is a charging decision and then probably another year until any court proceedings. It will be hanging over you for a long time.
Be careful who you tell, just say you are having a break and that you don't want to talk about it really. Setting your boundaries is key. Friends who may initially be great, May still walk away. But those that you expect to walk away are sometimes those that become your closest friends.
if convicted your life is going to change dramatically, but you will get through it, I promise you. Use this forum to vent/ask questions. Nothing will shock us on here!!
Just be prepared this will be a long process... probably at least 6 months until there is a charging decision and then probably another year until any court proceedings. It will be hanging over you for a long time.
Be careful who you tell, just say you are having a break and that you don't want to talk about it really. Setting your boundaries is key. Friends who may initially be great, May still walk away. But those that you expect to walk away are sometimes those that become your closest friends.
if convicted your life is going to change dramatically, but you will get through it, I promise you. Use this forum to vent/ask questions. Nothing will shock us on here!!
Thank you all.
I've told no one else and won't plan to.
Friends (other than those who know) have just heard rumours and keep saying things like "I've heard this, I don't know what you're going through but we're here" and I just reply thank you, things are difficult and I have no idea what rumour you have heard but I'm not going to discuss it.
It's really hard to know that I am in this limbo for such a long time. I've lost all control of so many aspects and I hate it.
My OH isn't living with his and his bail has been extended for 6months. He is still in contact with us. I find it so tough as I'm still so confused about my feelings and the future.
Really appreciate all comments.
I've told no one else and won't plan to.
Friends (other than those who know) have just heard rumours and keep saying things like "I've heard this, I don't know what you're going through but we're here" and I just reply thank you, things are difficult and I have no idea what rumour you have heard but I'm not going to discuss it.
It's really hard to know that I am in this limbo for such a long time. I've lost all control of so many aspects and I hate it.
My OH isn't living with his and his bail has been extended for 6months. He is still in contact with us. I find it so tough as I'm still so confused about my feelings and the future.
Really appreciate all comments.
I totally understand your condition, but people will always gossip, it's enough just not to pay attention to what they say.
Iv had to move out if family home and back to area I didn't want to return but having felt like I have no other choice as ss involved with my children but told a sister whom used against me so fear of bien found out too put pressure in finding a safer environment for us to be put into place of a refuge from September last year I chose to stop contact with him so much that he is alone were he had to move into property of own as not allowed any formal relationship with his kids with me now a single parent is a struggle with my fear of being exposed to ppl finding the ugly truth for iv told ppl iv split up with him as not told anything more then limited friends who are trusted with it for moral support is essential but my kids know 11yo limited to me too much is more damage then needed as she struggle with her changing her school friends all gone so much for family his family say that I should cut all ties and trust that he will be looking for jail time but as a mum it only thier welfare of all I need to have them taken of cp to children in need to leaving me alone and to try bien what I am a parent obviously no relationship will ever rekindle with time I want to be civil for the children and the fact that his father to the kids but where to say happens duno as don't want sw involved again after they don't trust me in our long relationship with each other to return to it wen I wouldn't risk such stupidly of risk loosing my lifeline of them kids my world I failed them as going to say as I should have been stronger than was in beginning but now I'm slowly trying my best but it's hard..... appreciate to express my feelings for many more going through similar things is actually shocking why do they do it...