Finding a balance
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Hello
Hope you are all well (given your circumstances) and are managing to function ok, whatever stage you are at.
I'm currently trying to find a balance at the moment between all of my own emotions and those of my partners and just feel that I need to talk out loud to someone.....anyone.
My partners support network is myself, his counsellor and LFF. Over the last few months he has been looking back at his past behaviours and also his childhood as a means to understand how things went so wrong. As a result he has experienced a whole host of emotions and reactions that he's not used to and doesn't know how to process them.
Sometimes I struggle to know what to do or say as I'm trying to deal with everything that this situation has thrown at me too.
Normally my support network (other than my partner, who is the cause of this) would be my family, but as nobody else is aware of what's gone on I can't turn to them.
Most days I wake up in the early hours of the morning having a conversation (in my head) with my family explaining what has happened and each time with varying reactions from them. It's like I'm rehearsing a big speech in my sleep and it's exhausting.
I feel like I've been dragged into my partners old world of deceit and lies when normally I am an open and honest person.
A big part of me wants to tell my family so I can hopefully gain that much needed support, but there is also a big part of me that is frightened of a different outcome.
I know ultimately that any decision is mine to make, but how do you decide when you don't even know what is best for yourself!
Apologies for the ramble, just needed to get it off my chest.
Hope you are all well (given your circumstances) and are managing to function ok, whatever stage you are at.
I'm currently trying to find a balance at the moment between all of my own emotions and those of my partners and just feel that I need to talk out loud to someone.....anyone.
My partners support network is myself, his counsellor and LFF. Over the last few months he has been looking back at his past behaviours and also his childhood as a means to understand how things went so wrong. As a result he has experienced a whole host of emotions and reactions that he's not used to and doesn't know how to process them.
Sometimes I struggle to know what to do or say as I'm trying to deal with everything that this situation has thrown at me too.
Normally my support network (other than my partner, who is the cause of this) would be my family, but as nobody else is aware of what's gone on I can't turn to them.
Most days I wake up in the early hours of the morning having a conversation (in my head) with my family explaining what has happened and each time with varying reactions from them. It's like I'm rehearsing a big speech in my sleep and it's exhausting.
I feel like I've been dragged into my partners old world of deceit and lies when normally I am an open and honest person.
A big part of me wants to tell my family so I can hopefully gain that much needed support, but there is also a big part of me that is frightened of a different outcome.
I know ultimately that any decision is mine to make, but how do you decide when you don't even know what is best for yourself!
Apologies for the ramble, just needed to get it off my chest.
Evening Nimbus
I dont have a lot of advise for you but just wanted to send you a deserved hug , this journey really takes so much out of us and constantly whirling around in our minds never mind also been the support mechanism for our offenders
We diddnt tell anyone, only the four of us who live together (my son is the offender) myself, daughter and my other son knew, 16 months of living with this all of us going through such mixed emotions and the added pressure of my son been suicidal
Just before he was sentenced I confided to my ex brother in law and his family as I diddnt want them to find out via the media, they have been so kind and supportive to us , others have walked away but we have no control over this as like this journey
I would really say to you if you have a close friend or family member you could disclose to it really would take some of the heavy weight you carry around with you but that decision can only be your choice
Always here if you just want to air your thoughts and feelings xx
I dont have a lot of advise for you but just wanted to send you a deserved hug , this journey really takes so much out of us and constantly whirling around in our minds never mind also been the support mechanism for our offenders
We diddnt tell anyone, only the four of us who live together (my son is the offender) myself, daughter and my other son knew, 16 months of living with this all of us going through such mixed emotions and the added pressure of my son been suicidal
Just before he was sentenced I confided to my ex brother in law and his family as I diddnt want them to find out via the media, they have been so kind and supportive to us , others have walked away but we have no control over this as like this journey
I would really say to you if you have a close friend or family member you could disclose to it really would take some of the heavy weight you carry around with you but that decision can only be your choice
Always here if you just want to air your thoughts and feelings xx
I totally here ya! I've told noone the truth, everyone thinks he's just talked to other girls online, my mum knows he spoke to underage girl as dies my sister but have asked for no more details, both of them kniw we are still friends but because of what's going on in my family (my sister died) I couldnt burden them. But I decided to put myself first after 15 mi this as he's being looked after now, and it's a bigggggg weight off if I'm honest. Do whars right for you. You need to start looking after you because you've did nothing wrong. Sometimes taking a step back is all you need xxx
Thank you so much Upset Mum, I truly felt and needed that hug x
Big hug back to you for being the strong person that you are.
That is one of the things I am missing the most at the moment, a good heartfelt reassuring hug. Although my partner is still living at home I feel that any physical contact at the moment would either repulse me or confuse me.
I do think at some stage I will have to tell someone as this is such a massive thing to keep locked inside me but at the same time I wouldn't want to burden another soul with this. Such a tough decision!
Newlady, I hope you are doing ok and that you are able to grieve naturally for your twin now knowing that your person is in safe hands for the time being. Big hug to you as well x
So glad this forum is here, thank you to all the LFF team for allowing us this space.
Big hug back to you for being the strong person that you are.
That is one of the things I am missing the most at the moment, a good heartfelt reassuring hug. Although my partner is still living at home I feel that any physical contact at the moment would either repulse me or confuse me.
I do think at some stage I will have to tell someone as this is such a massive thing to keep locked inside me but at the same time I wouldn't want to burden another soul with this. Such a tough decision!
Newlady, I hope you are doing ok and that you are able to grieve naturally for your twin now knowing that your person is in safe hands for the time being. Big hug to you as well x
So glad this forum is here, thank you to all the LFF team for allowing us this space.
Hi Nimbus
We have no choice but to be strong xx
Honestly if you have a close person to talk to then do, you would not be burdening them they would be more upset to know you are dealing with this on your own and you diddnt confide in them , we are all so sure that once you speak to someone they will run for the hills because they will judge, I am so glad I spoke to someone and they were so understanding not with what my son did that took a bit more time but they knew me as a person and wanted to show there strength for me xx
if you need support I am here xx
We have no choice but to be strong xx
Honestly if you have a close person to talk to then do, you would not be burdening them they would be more upset to know you are dealing with this on your own and you diddnt confide in them , we are all so sure that once you speak to someone they will run for the hills because they will judge, I am so glad I spoke to someone and they were so understanding not with what my son did that took a bit more time but they knew me as a person and wanted to show there strength for me xx
if you need support I am here xx
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We at LFF just wanted to remind individuals of the risks sharing personal details, such as usernames for other forums, on a public site. Please see the following link to our previous post: https://get-help.stopitnow.org.uk/family-and-friends/family-and-friends-forum/topic/1417
Here at LFF we are in the process of looking into a DM (Direct Messaging) feature and more information is to come, please watch this space and look out for any of our future posts.
Thank you and take care
Lucy