Family and Friends Forum

Morning Blackhound

I would avoid anything to do with media sites but that is my own opinion x

No matter how you would try to explain people will judge no matter what and I think it would do you more harm than good to be honest

Hugs sent xx

I hope you are both ok after the trauma over the last few days x

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Blackhound,

Some migbt consider it brave, others foolhardy, the problem with social media and the Internet is once its out there, that's it. If it backfires then you can't ever really delete it. Best not when you can't be sure of the reaction.

Hi Blackhound,

I am so sorry with everything u r going through, having been there on the social media back lash I wouldn't, they will get bored eventually, ours only lasted a week but we were luck in it was just posted online they never turned up at my husbands or my house x please please if things keep happening ring the police x

Hey Blackhound,

I'm sorry you're going through a tough time! I guess it depends who you have on social media and how willing they are to listen. From their perspective they have tarred him with a brush and don't want him around them so if you are going to do it you would need to aim it to disparage their current thoughts and feelings.

I plan to use my social media platform to try and help the way people see these sorts of crimes (in the cases where attraction isn't relevant which seems to be the majority here?) however I am yet to think of ways to do it which won't attract a backlash, it will need to be gentle and well thought out. It's very difficult as everyone seems to see these crimes as always belonging to *the word we hate the most* and society has already deemed there is no cure for that. Unfortunately, until more and more people are touched by these crimes I feel as though it's a losing battle.

BaffledB if the number being arrested caries on at the same rate eventually there will be more people on the SOR than there are not, and it will become meaningless. I suspect we are already at the point where nearly everyone knows someone who is on the SOR, they just don't know that they are...

Very true! I can't say I know of anyone on the SOR but I'm sure they're probably under the radar, as we all know our partners/sons are probably the absolute last person you would expect to be in this position so that'll apply to others too.

BaffledB, as they say, you don't know what you don't know.

Baffled B, I am in total agreement with your comments on getting it out there that people who commit these crimes rarely actually have attraction to minors and may have their own troubled pasts and demons which they have never spoke of/dealt with in the past and which leads to them commiting such crimes without real common sense kicking in and instead finding it a release for the mental anguish they feel inside. They need help and support and to understand the extent of their actions and help to better deal with their own issues, not to be demonised and treated as scum by media and general public xx

My person suffered sexual abuse as a child which involved older children and he never spoke of it until after the knock, he knew it wasn't right but he felt so bad he buried it and never felt right telling anyone. He has a counsellor whom he has opened up to but the abuse he had as a child has led him down this path as I understand such abuse in early years can totally re-wire a childs brain :( xx

Hi Blackhound,

Trust me I no they were sending my 16 year old screen shots of wat they think should happen to her dad, I then had to clean her up as she self harmed and worried about her dad, as we are not allowed to live together, then or now but he is allowed sleep overs thanks to this brilliant forum xx I no it is hard trust me I do but it will blow over, it might be good if u could move but then y should u

I too have wondered how social media could be used to bring a wider understanding of these issues both in the complexities and as BaffledB has said many times before, awareness of the actual laws.

There is a huge amount to understand and unpick from common perceptions, I feel that the conversation needs to be quite wide to not appear to be defending any behaviour or appear to be making excuses. It's important to remember that not all pedophiles will act on their attraction and not all people that commit offences (primary or secondary) are attracted to children. Taking term pedophile (because not all actually offend and they can't help who they are attracted to, but can control what they act on) and looking at it scientifically may take some of the emotion out of the situations from both perspectives. But that's a really big ask for many people to get their head around, but unless as a society we are willling to lean into these issues children will continue to be at risk from people attracted to children or not.

Creating a safe space for those that are unfortunate enough to be wired to be attracted to children is critical to their wellbeing and to reduce the likely hood they will act on it and commit an offence. Likewise great understanding on the chemical hits that occur when watch porn/ engaging in sexual risky behaviour I think would make people more aware of how easy it is to be found in one of these life changing situations when it is so freely available and inadvertently cause harm to children, themselves and loved ones around them. There is a huge conversation and openness about sex (all kinds), porn and how the Internet is real and can have real life consequences.



In regards to the OP, I'd thought whether I'd do this myself if it ever came out but whilst I'd want to, to raise awareness and knowledge, I'd also need to consider my own and my families wellbeing. I concluded that I'd probably end up working through friends that were important to me and talking to them directly, anyone that wasn't on that list for me to consider "important" enough to tell, I'd let them form their own judgement, but do think I'd end up coming off social media or at least whittling friends and followers down to those I've spoken to and trust, unfortunately I could imagine images/ screenshots could be shared very easily - Whether that be where we live, decide to go on holiday or even if we start having a "good life" (holidays, new house etc) many people will not want or believe this should be allowed and will be vindictive in their behaviour - Any image of him, him and I together and knowledge of our life together online would likely make us a target and vulnerable.

Edit: The other thing that needs to be discussed more openly is the impact on the lives for those around offenders. The discussion on All In The Mind, painted a good picture of the impact this crime has on completely innocent family members and what Blackhound has experienced is another example of innocent peoples lives being effected.

I don't know if it would work but I worry that your post could be shared, screenshot and shared thousands of times drawing more attention to you. I think you said the news wasn't on line so that will fade away but a social media post is there forever.

I'm really sorry for waht you're going through. Xx

I agree with what's been said about it being screen shot and shared. You may never get a good fresh start if that happened.

I would protect yourselves as much as possible, you are already subject to so much right now xxx stay safe xx

fB, social media - get rid.

I did two years ago and do I miss it NO!!

I use this forum, ebay and Amazon, message my family and that's it! fB easily turns into hassle and I really do not need anymore of that in my life!

That's another point I'm not that savvy on setting stuff up/security etc. Another reason why I don't bother x