Day 1
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So today my world fell apart. The police knocked and my husband got taken away. He has been allowed home and can be with the kids so long as he's not alone with them but has to sleep elsewhere. The police said that there is one image that he has received and shared. They later phoned to say there is indications that he has an interest in children including our own. I am completely devastated!
My husband has promised me that he has never done anything inappropriate with a child. He has today admitted to having a cocaine addiction and said that these things only happen when he is intoxicated. He said that he has never shared any images of our kids and that he has only written an erotic story about one of our children. He says that when he is sober such thoughts do not enter his head and this evening we went to an NA meeting together.
Can someone please tell me that I'm not a fool for wanting to believe him?? My kids are so happy when they are around him that I can't believe he would hurt them.
My husband has promised me that he has never done anything inappropriate with a child. He has today admitted to having a cocaine addiction and said that these things only happen when he is intoxicated. He said that he has never shared any images of our kids and that he has only written an erotic story about one of our children. He says that when he is sober such thoughts do not enter his head and this evening we went to an NA meeting together.
Can someone please tell me that I'm not a fool for wanting to believe him?? My kids are so happy when they are around him that I can't believe he would hurt them.
So sorry to read your post. It is devestating and traumatic and will take a long time to get your head around. The whole process of waiting to receive charges and then court etc takes a very long time. I'm not sure if you've read any posts but timelines are almost always a year plus.
There are people on here who stay with their partners and those who don't, and every story and backstory is so different you will find support either way.
Social services will be involved and they will be assessing your safeguarding. In your post one word in particular rang huge alarm bells and would for SS too. 'Only' writing erotic stories about your child. You have had a huge shock and it will take a long time to process, but words like 'only' will be picked up as minimising his crimes. They will expect you to put your children at the forefront of all decisions and assume the worst of him. This doesn't necessarily mean that you have to break up. It does mean that you will have to demonstrate right from the start that you put their needs ahead of his and ahead of your relationship.
Speak to the team on the helpline. Give yourself space to process if you can. Take each day one at a time. I would love to tell you something positive and reassuring. It is a huge journey you are starting on. It does get better eventually. Deep breaths and ask anything you need to on here.
Wishing you the best x
There are people on here who stay with their partners and those who don't, and every story and backstory is so different you will find support either way.
Social services will be involved and they will be assessing your safeguarding. In your post one word in particular rang huge alarm bells and would for SS too. 'Only' writing erotic stories about your child. You have had a huge shock and it will take a long time to process, but words like 'only' will be picked up as minimising his crimes. They will expect you to put your children at the forefront of all decisions and assume the worst of him. This doesn't necessarily mean that you have to break up. It does mean that you will have to demonstrate right from the start that you put their needs ahead of his and ahead of your relationship.
Speak to the team on the helpline. Give yourself space to process if you can. Take each day one at a time. I would love to tell you something positive and reassuring. It is a huge journey you are starting on. It does get better eventually. Deep breaths and ask anything you need to on here.
Wishing you the best x
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Sorry you've found yourself in this group. No one wants to be here but you've got a great network of support.
It's horrible that police have found an image but what's more important is safeguarding your children and ensuring you are getting the help you need right now.
If it was a single image he'd be found with without the erotic story then me personally I would be more inclined to believe him, it's the erotic story about one of your children that's concerning.
The majority of the people that commit these crimes don't involve their own children. That's why they are very good at hiding it, the shane is something they take on themselves and theyre able to separate it. They're porn addicts, or they're alcohol addicts who do stupid things online with low self esteem, depression ,ADHD, anxiety, Autism and potentially a past that involves their own story of sexual abuse/grooming they have been taught by society to repress... All because they're a man.
I don't mean to scare you, it's just the first time I've heard someone on here write erotica about their children. As someone who reads erotica on the daily, I can assure you my willingness to write erotica as well has never extended to my family. They're fantasies that happen in my head separate from my life.
Please be cautious going forward...
It's horrible that police have found an image but what's more important is safeguarding your children and ensuring you are getting the help you need right now.
If it was a single image he'd be found with without the erotic story then me personally I would be more inclined to believe him, it's the erotic story about one of your children that's concerning.
The majority of the people that commit these crimes don't involve their own children. That's why they are very good at hiding it, the shane is something they take on themselves and theyre able to separate it. They're porn addicts, or they're alcohol addicts who do stupid things online with low self esteem, depression ,ADHD, anxiety, Autism and potentially a past that involves their own story of sexual abuse/grooming they have been taught by society to repress... All because they're a man.
I don't mean to scare you, it's just the first time I've heard someone on here write erotica about their children. As someone who reads erotica on the daily, I can assure you my willingness to write erotica as well has never extended to my family. They're fantasies that happen in my head separate from my life.
Please be cautious going forward...
Thank you all for your feedback and great advise.
Social Services are having a multi agency meeting tomorrow so I am guessing decisions will be made then.
Today I just want to go to sleep and wake up in 2 years when hopefully this will all be over. Trying to stay strong for everyone is exhausting but my head won't stop thinking for long enough to sleep.
Social Services are having a multi agency meeting tomorrow so I am guessing decisions will be made then.
Today I just want to go to sleep and wake up in 2 years when hopefully this will all be over. Trying to stay strong for everyone is exhausting but my head won't stop thinking for long enough to sleep.
Hello Confused,
Your story is very different to mine, but we are all supportive and non judgemental here.
Please let yourself have a few days to let this sink in.
You're going to be expected to make decisions very quickly regarding the safety of your children. Take notes, write things in a notebook, put dates straight into your phone calendar, write down the names of people you deal with.
Try to eat and sleep when you can.
Sending love and stay in touch with the forum, there are people with children here who have been through the whole process xx
Your story is very different to mine, but we are all supportive and non judgemental here.
Please let yourself have a few days to let this sink in.
You're going to be expected to make decisions very quickly regarding the safety of your children. Take notes, write things in a notebook, put dates straight into your phone calendar, write down the names of people you deal with.
Try to eat and sleep when you can.
Sending love and stay in touch with the forum, there are people with children here who have been through the whole process xx
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In the early times after the knock I found the sleepcasts on the headspace website really valuable for trying to go to sleep. Nothing else worked to stop the 'what ifs' going through my head x