Strategy for SS
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Bail conditions are that my husband can be with our children supervised but not sleep in the house. We have managed for the last 2 days to fake normality for the kids and he leaves when they are in bed. This is how I want to continue, I want to support him but my main priority is my children. 2 of my 3 children have autism so do not cope with change and struggle to understand the world. For this reason I want to keep my family together.
SS are having a multi agency meeting today and will speak to the police & school. They will also talk to my kids. How do I make sure that they know that my children come first and that I will protect them with my last breath, but still keep my husband in their lives?
Bail conditions are that my husband can be with our children supervised but not sleep in the house. We have managed for the last 2 days to fake normality for the kids and he leaves when they are in bed. This is how I want to continue, I want to support him but my main priority is my children. 2 of my 3 children have autism so do not cope with change and struggle to understand the world. For this reason I want to keep my family together.
SS are having a multi agency meeting today and will speak to the police & school. They will also talk to my kids. How do I make sure that they know that my children come first and that I will protect them with my last breath, but still keep my husband in their lives?
Hi,
Have you spoken to your children to make sure nothing has happened to them? Do they have a level of understanding that would allow you to use some resources to explain the situation with them? I can't remember what post it was, perhaps someone else will, discussing a story someone has tailored to their child. The character is the same age as their child and their daddy saw something online that he shouldn't have and has to spend time away from the house to learn about internet safety or something similar to that.
There is a post called can ss tell you something that's not true which discusses safety plans. From your other post I can see that your situation is more complex than most of ours here as it has the added layer of the story involving one of your children. Do you have full disclosure or as it's still early days for you has he agreed to this? There isn't a set way for ss or any agencies to deal with these cases so it very much depends on what social worker you get and how much experience they have how they choose to assess the situation.
Child in need plans and child protection plans are voluntary, that's important to note. Something I would have done differently in my initial meeting is discussed all options and the benefits to my children in each one. If being on a plan is the best thing for you and your children then it's not a negative to have them involved. You're very early on so no need to rush any decisions xx
Have you spoken to your children to make sure nothing has happened to them? Do they have a level of understanding that would allow you to use some resources to explain the situation with them? I can't remember what post it was, perhaps someone else will, discussing a story someone has tailored to their child. The character is the same age as their child and their daddy saw something online that he shouldn't have and has to spend time away from the house to learn about internet safety or something similar to that.
There is a post called can ss tell you something that's not true which discusses safety plans. From your other post I can see that your situation is more complex than most of ours here as it has the added layer of the story involving one of your children. Do you have full disclosure or as it's still early days for you has he agreed to this? There isn't a set way for ss or any agencies to deal with these cases so it very much depends on what social worker you get and how much experience they have how they choose to assess the situation.
Child in need plans and child protection plans are voluntary, that's important to note. Something I would have done differently in my initial meeting is discussed all options and the benefits to my children in each one. If being on a plan is the best thing for you and your children then it's not a negative to have them involved. You're very early on so no need to rush any decisions xx
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I am as confident as anyone in this situation can be that there has been no physical acts and its all "fantasy".
I will do anything I need to in order to satisfy SS that I can and WILL protect my children. I have looked up information about regarding safety plans and can put things in place, I believe that I am able to 100% guarantee that my kids will never be alone with him. I have already cancelled a holiday, arranged alternative logistics for kids hobbies and been looking into safeguarding courses.
Am I right in thinking that trying to minimise my husbands actions and overly support him implies a lack of understanding the severity of the risk and his actions?
I will do anything I need to in order to satisfy SS that I can and WILL protect my children. I have looked up information about regarding safety plans and can put things in place, I believe that I am able to 100% guarantee that my kids will never be alone with him. I have already cancelled a holiday, arranged alternative logistics for kids hobbies and been looking into safeguarding courses.
Am I right in thinking that trying to minimise my husbands actions and overly support him implies a lack of understanding the severity of the risk and his actions?
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Thank you all, I honestly don't know where I would be with out this forum. This is what I have for my plan. If you guys have any suggestions they would be appreciated.
• Increased Internet security to the max
• Husband will only have basic phone with contacts checked regularly
• H will have no access to family devices with all passwords changed. WIFI password has been changed.
• Pantosaurus
• Speak to children about openness and assure them of the safe adults that they can to talk.
• Only 3 specific family member to look after children in my absence to ensure that no unsupervised contact occurs.
• H will not have house keys so that he can not get in when 17 Yr old is home alone.
• Absolutely no unsupervised access to our children. If I need ro be out of the room H will have a "cigarette break" and be locked in the garden.
• H will not attend any of the children's hobbies. Grandparents will assist with logistics of hobbies.
• H will not attend any of the children's social events Inc sons upcoming birthday party.
• Family holiday cancelled due to concerns about managing H on a caravan site.
• Increased Internet security to the max
• Husband will only have basic phone with contacts checked regularly
• H will have no access to family devices with all passwords changed. WIFI password has been changed.
• Pantosaurus
• Speak to children about openness and assure them of the safe adults that they can to talk.
• Only 3 specific family member to look after children in my absence to ensure that no unsupervised contact occurs.
• H will not have house keys so that he can not get in when 17 Yr old is home alone.
• Absolutely no unsupervised access to our children. If I need ro be out of the room H will have a "cigarette break" and be locked in the garden.
• H will not attend any of the children's hobbies. Grandparents will assist with logistics of hobbies.
• H will not attend any of the children's social events Inc sons upcoming birthday party.
• Family holiday cancelled due to concerns about managing H on a caravan site.
How did it go today? xx
Police say no evidence of a risk to our children and no evidence of contact offending. Police still doing forensic check on the phone for images. Details of some of the conversations my husband had are upsetting but do not seem to have been instigated by him. He did not feel the need to increase bail conditions. The SW said she has concerns over how manageable me supervising in the family home would be but I have said i would be on it 100%. I did not excuse his behaviour or diminish it but made it clear that I did not want to make rash decisions.
SW going to recommend a child protection plan which I'm not happy about but understand.
I've asked about a Subject Access Request which the SW wasn't sure about but I will push for it.
I've told them that we are going to try and get husband on the LFF inform course, the police said that if we did that it would look favourably with the courts.
Day 3 done. Here's to day 4!!!
SW going to recommend a child protection plan which I'm not happy about but understand.
I've asked about a Subject Access Request which the SW wasn't sure about but I will push for it.
I've told them that we are going to try and get husband on the LFF inform course, the police said that if we did that it would look favourably with the courts.
Day 3 done. Here's to day 4!!!
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