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I'm going through this with my 21 year old son. It's been 2 weeks since the knock and the police said it'll be able 6-8 months before we hear from the again. I have nightmares of him being in prison, I'm off work with anxiety and I don't know how to cope. He deserves some form of punishment but please not prison.

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Ollie - so sorry to read what you are going through please try to slow down and not race into thoughts of a future that might not happen. Really know how difficult this is!

You will burn out physically and mentally and you really do have to take care of yourself.

One big hug sent xxxxxx

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Newbie to this group. The knock came last Thursday - so I'm still shell shocked and have never felt so lonely. I just don't know what to think or even say here. How on earth are you all getting through this without going mad? Where do you go or who do you trust? I'm completely lost.

Jane 63, believe me I had those thoughts too at the start, your whole world feels like it's collapsed but it takes time, get all the help you can, call helpline and speak to gp, it all becomes clearer, and a little more settled in your mind if you geg all the information. Thing that helped me and was honestly really hard to read, but hearing the truth about exactly what he did, I got him to write me a few letters explaining everything he did, gave me space to go on my own, process things then contact him when I was ready xc

Thank you so much for your kind words and suggestion. I know my son is suffering to and truly regrets his stupidity. We do talk about it but I'm conscious that he also needs a break from his worrying about his future. I seem to feel better later in the day — when I wake there is a 5 second pause before reality crashes down on me again (it's the same for my son), so maybe we try and talk mid day (leaving the evening for respite). He has approached STOPSO re therapy and I'm hoping he'll contact LF too — every move is so painful.

Thank you for listening

I have been there 15 months ago with my son, wasnt sure how to cope, who would be there to support us as a family, I worked through it all, i found it easier to be at work, the few people I work with are so supportive to me, as are my parents, we are now going through it again as a phone was found in his possession with images on, I was angry at first but realised he needs help, his solicitor has been brilliant and he has had forensic psychological assessment the report shows he has personalty disorder/ anxiety/ depression. Again friends have supported me, we have been out for meals I feel I need me time to relax and not allow this to consume our daily life, something we learnt from first knock, as we were talking about it, arguing etc Looking back you cant change what happened, but need to work on improving and changing the future, getting all support we can take.

Remember to take care of you as your important too x

Ariagni

Do you know if your son is able to do the LF course again? Presuming he did it before. My son is in the same position and LF has signposted him to the online modules and suggested he calls them again next week. Stay strong x

Hi, how did you get a forensic psychological report done please as my person is leaning towards a personality disorder following psychiatrist report done on the NHS (but no paperwork was provided for the diagnosis at the time), he also suffers anxiety and depression and just asking if the forensic psychological report will help his case :( xx

Hi

I mentioned to our solicitor my concerns, she looked into funding and organised it, hoping you get your son assessed.

Take care x

Ariagni, thank you for responding ????, may I ask has your person been charged and sentenced yet and roughly what for? It's okay if you prefer not to say. It's pure torture waiting isn't it xx

Sorry, don't know where those ?? Came from ?? xx

Hi he was charged and given Shpo 18 minths ago at crown court for touching a minor over clothing, in November he was found to have a phone with images on, he cant remember doing it, he has had mental health issues for several years, I asked solicitors for help as his mood can change from being nice to being angry quickly, paranoia that people in shops when we shop are looking at him this was before his conviction. Im hoping we get more help, but mental health support is not brilliant where we live.

Hi Ariagni, my person had a referral from the doctor to a pyshciatrist and all they dd was a telephone call and followed up with a letter suggesting anti-depressants which he took for a while but came off as they weren't helping him and were giving him even darker thoughts than before. It has been suggested to him over the years that he might have borderline personality disorder and sometimes he talks to himself as in "we". When he did what he did he admits to being in a very dark place from drink/drugs and that it wasnt him that did these things which I totally understand and during "normal" days/nights to do what he did would never enter his head ever. He aalso had childhood trauma which he has only spoken to his therapist about in recent months, and only spoke of to me in dribs and drabs whilst feeling emotionally distressed.

This journey is hard isn't it. They are still the people they were and are not always 'p' as it is put, my person is so intellgent and kind and caring and humorous and tells me he loves me numerous times a day. I really struggle to understand how we got to this and feel nothing but sadness at what he is to face.

Is your person still waiting for sentencing following the knock in November? xx

Hi yes going to court this month, his solicitor rang today suggesting we dont use the report from psychiatrist as it could be detrimental as he mentioned likely hood of reoffending but also mentioned prison would be self destruction to my son. I feel.confused not knowing which is the best option.

Ariagni, I feel for you and will be thinking of you. They are our babies aren't they, I know my person wouldn't survive a custodial, it would rip him apart mentally, he already can't see a future for himself and I can't see a future without him xx