Trial separation
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So yeah, for my own sanity to stop the arguements we have over the pettiest of things all the time and to explore myself. We're having a trial separation. He doesn't want it but I need it. It's tearing us down to keep fighting and he cannot focus on bettering himself. He's going to continue working on himself, I am going to continue working on me.
If at the end of it, we come together naturally then hooray. I really really don't want to and its been really painful to say and discuss. Maybe it's the start of the end, maybe it the start of a new beginning later on down the line for us, I cannot control that and as difficult as that is, for someone who is a control freak in relationships I must acknowledge it.
It's painful, really painful but I wanted to make one thing clear, it has nothing to do with this crime. It's just us as people, the people we are now don't get on for more than six hours at a time. We cannot cross the road with it having an argument, that's how bad it is.
I'm mature enough though to separate his crime and his remorse, his work and journey from the fundamental fact that we'll end up in an early grave if we keep going.
Ill still support and encourage those who commit this crime and seek help. I'll still support him if we do end up back together regardless of this crime.
I've been crying today, I've been angry today and I'm also slightly nervous going forward. I don't know how long these feelings will last but just as everyone else says, day by day.
If at the end of it, we come together naturally then hooray. I really really don't want to and its been really painful to say and discuss. Maybe it's the start of the end, maybe it the start of a new beginning later on down the line for us, I cannot control that and as difficult as that is, for someone who is a control freak in relationships I must acknowledge it.
It's painful, really painful but I wanted to make one thing clear, it has nothing to do with this crime. It's just us as people, the people we are now don't get on for more than six hours at a time. We cannot cross the road with it having an argument, that's how bad it is.
I'm mature enough though to separate his crime and his remorse, his work and journey from the fundamental fact that we'll end up in an early grave if we keep going.
Ill still support and encourage those who commit this crime and seek help. I'll still support him if we do end up back together regardless of this crime.
I've been crying today, I've been angry today and I'm also slightly nervous going forward. I don't know how long these feelings will last but just as everyone else says, day by day.
Hi Blackhound,
I am sorry to hear this but u have to do wat u have to do to get through this x sending love and hugs ur way xx
I am sorry to hear this but u have to do wat u have to do to get through this x sending love and hugs ur way xx
Hi Blackhound, sorry you're going through this. I'm also separated from my husband the last 6 months but continue to support him as a friend.
I'm still at the stage of feeling very resentful towards him because the arrest was only the beginning of this nightmare for us. He lost his job, we lost our home, destroyed my maternity leave, myself and our baby now live with his parents.
I think that's why we argue so much, the smallest things now grate on my nerves. And if I'm honest I've lost my respect for him. I just see him as weak or not masculine etc. Or when I want to talk things through with his offence he clams up and starts crying. He says he is so sorry but then makes very little effort to work on our marriage.
Similar to your story I find myself constantly arguing with him, even if he has a nice day out playing golf with a work friend it eats me up because I've been left as a new single mother and my life now compared to this time last year is unrecognisable.
It's a no-win situation, i do love him so when he's feeling down I worry about his mental health but if he's having a great day I feel really bitter because he destroyed our lives. He's living young free and single, no responsibilities, no social workers, earning money with a new job.
So we've decided to take a big step back from eachother because I'm basically a single mother doing everything alone anyway. I don't think us being together is helping anything. I feel guilty after every argument and he cries. and round in circles we go.
I'm still at the stage of feeling very resentful towards him because the arrest was only the beginning of this nightmare for us. He lost his job, we lost our home, destroyed my maternity leave, myself and our baby now live with his parents.
I think that's why we argue so much, the smallest things now grate on my nerves. And if I'm honest I've lost my respect for him. I just see him as weak or not masculine etc. Or when I want to talk things through with his offence he clams up and starts crying. He says he is so sorry but then makes very little effort to work on our marriage.
Similar to your story I find myself constantly arguing with him, even if he has a nice day out playing golf with a work friend it eats me up because I've been left as a new single mother and my life now compared to this time last year is unrecognisable.
It's a no-win situation, i do love him so when he's feeling down I worry about his mental health but if he's having a great day I feel really bitter because he destroyed our lives. He's living young free and single, no responsibilities, no social workers, earning money with a new job.
So we've decided to take a big step back from eachother because I'm basically a single mother doing everything alone anyway. I don't think us being together is helping anything. I feel guilty after every argument and he cries. and round in circles we go.
Hi Blackhound, sorry you're going through this. I'm also separated from my husband the last 6 months but continue to support him as a friend.
In so sorry Christmas Chaos,
Other than the fact that you're essentially a single mother, how are you in yourself? How are you finding it?
Its horrible to hear that not only did he lose his job but that your maternity leave was ruined. That precious time you'll never get back.
It's sad to hear that your arguing fuels from what seems to be resentment, hurt and anger. If being strong and masculine is something that attracts you then of course you would be in all rights to see him as the opposite given his crime. Does he work on himself at all? I find men are incredibly obstinent when it comes to working on themselves. I've had to push my partner into everything, but unfortunately he saw alot of it as nagging... I can be overbearing to the nth degree so I will admit I understand where he is coming from...
For us, we argue over the small things because I think my partner doesn't know how to handle his ND nature which effects the way he communicates and how he gets frustrated and I get very frustrated that he can find a log negativity in what I say to him... It's all crossed wires. He cannot work on better handling his ND brain with me there.
Does anyone close to you know? Or is there an opportunity for you to have some me time with friends... You desperately need that it sounds like.
I love my partner, but I need to love me more right now. One thing I will say is that he maybe living the single life now, young and carefree but if your court case hasn't already been heard then be prepared that all that can change for him. So he won't be living a carefree life then
Well done for recognising that together isn't always better. I'm having to teach my partner that and teach myself to not feel guilty about putting me first. It's the best thing we can do for our selves and honestly for my partner atleast I think it'll be good for him.
In so sorry Christmas Chaos,
Other than the fact that you're essentially a single mother, how are you in yourself? How are you finding it?
Its horrible to hear that not only did he lose his job but that your maternity leave was ruined. That precious time you'll never get back.
It's sad to hear that your arguing fuels from what seems to be resentment, hurt and anger. If being strong and masculine is something that attracts you then of course you would be in all rights to see him as the opposite given his crime. Does he work on himself at all? I find men are incredibly obstinent when it comes to working on themselves. I've had to push my partner into everything, but unfortunately he saw alot of it as nagging... I can be overbearing to the nth degree so I will admit I understand where he is coming from...
For us, we argue over the small things because I think my partner doesn't know how to handle his ND nature which effects the way he communicates and how he gets frustrated and I get very frustrated that he can find a log negativity in what I say to him... It's all crossed wires. He cannot work on better handling his ND brain with me there.
Does anyone close to you know? Or is there an opportunity for you to have some me time with friends... You desperately need that it sounds like.
I love my partner, but I need to love me more right now. One thing I will say is that he maybe living the single life now, young and carefree but if your court case hasn't already been heard then be prepared that all that can change for him. So he won't be living a carefree life then
Well done for recognising that together isn't always better. I'm having to teach my partner that and teach myself to not feel guilty about putting me first. It's the best thing we can do for our selves and honestly for my partner atleast I think it'll be good for him.