Sentencing Tuesday
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So earlier today I dropped my partner off at the airport to go for sentencing and have no idea if I'll see him again or what is going to happen.
He's not prepared whatsoever and we have spent this last month dealing with SS and getting therapy support and not focusing on the sentencing.
He literally had no clue what will happen he's got a duty solicitor so no real legal support.
I don't even know how I will find out if he will be sent to jail? I mean who lets me know? He won't be able to.
I have such mixed emotions about it all I'm under so much pressure I've been crying all day.
I feel lost and like my life is not real
He's not prepared whatsoever and we have spent this last month dealing with SS and getting therapy support and not focusing on the sentencing.
He literally had no clue what will happen he's got a duty solicitor so no real legal support.
I don't even know how I will find out if he will be sent to jail? I mean who lets me know? He won't be able to.
I have such mixed emotions about it all I'm under so much pressure I've been crying all day.
I feel lost and like my life is not real
It is a very stressful time. Call the helpline number or the Samaritans to talk things through.
Sentencing will depend on so many factors - what charges he is facing, evidence, any things he's done to help himself and the judge in the day. Do you know which court he is in? You might be able to contact the court directly for an outcome.
Thinking of you x
Sentencing will depend on so many factors - what charges he is facing, evidence, any things he's done to help himself and the judge in the day. Do you know which court he is in? You might be able to contact the court directly for an outcome.
Thinking of you x
My person's solicitor called me, my person gave my number to her - Perhaps yours could do this
It seems there are some similarities in our situation. I wasn't with my partner when the offence occurred. We became a couple after. He didn't tell me until he was charged. So we too spent those months in between not really being able to get to grips with the legal stuff, we/ I had so much emotion to process and he had so many practical things to sort out.
I hope you find a way to find out what has happened. If you know the court and some personal details like name and DOB you may be able to call the court to find out the outcome.
I hope you find a way to find out what has happened. If you know the court and some personal details like name and DOB you may be able to call the court to find out the outcome.
So his charges are 4 counts of sexual communication with a child (4 different children aged from 13 yrs.
Making/possessing 2 images cat B & C
A previous allegation of communication with a minor (non sexual) which there was no evidence to support an investigation, but shows a pattern.
He apparantly pretended to be younger - 18/19 (hes in his 50's).
No solicitor so no references or mitigation submitted. He has a duty solicitor and I did ask him to give the solictor authority to disclose PSR and everything.
He has literally been in denial.
He has not really done any work although enrolled on some course and booked therapy which were on my insistence as he was/is still living in the family home with our child.
I have no clue what sentance he will get it seems so random? I doubt he will be allowed to come home as we are already fighting SS about that anyway - my focus was just getting to this point but now we are here I just dont know anything anymore.
I feel like there is so much I do not know. I want access to the pre sentancing report so I have all the facts. I have posted previously about him being less than forthcoming and playing it down and me then hearing stuff after the fact.
I looked on the the listing for his court today and he is 4th on the list (dunno what that means if anything) hes not replied to my message earlier so he may be in his hearing - I honestly dont know.
I did think about getting a transcrip of the hearing but that looks really expensive and I do not have that kind of money.
I guess I will know by the end of the day as if I dont hear from him then hes in prison.
Making/possessing 2 images cat B & C
A previous allegation of communication with a minor (non sexual) which there was no evidence to support an investigation, but shows a pattern.
He apparantly pretended to be younger - 18/19 (hes in his 50's).
No solicitor so no references or mitigation submitted. He has a duty solicitor and I did ask him to give the solictor authority to disclose PSR and everything.
He has literally been in denial.
He has not really done any work although enrolled on some course and booked therapy which were on my insistence as he was/is still living in the family home with our child.
I have no clue what sentance he will get it seems so random? I doubt he will be allowed to come home as we are already fighting SS about that anyway - my focus was just getting to this point but now we are here I just dont know anything anymore.
I feel like there is so much I do not know. I want access to the pre sentancing report so I have all the facts. I have posted previously about him being less than forthcoming and playing it down and me then hearing stuff after the fact.
I looked on the the listing for his court today and he is 4th on the list (dunno what that means if anything) hes not replied to my message earlier so he may be in his hearing - I honestly dont know.
I did think about getting a transcrip of the hearing but that looks really expensive and I do not have that kind of money.
I guess I will know by the end of the day as if I dont hear from him then hes in prison.
Thinking of you Stephanie x x
So don't know much other than he just text me to get him booked on a flight home this evening and that his phone was running out of charge (seriously). So not a custodial and he mentioned suspended sentance.
I don't know any more than that so told him to charge his phone and call me back.
Question? would a judge order that he is to leave the family home in putting restrictons on the sentance SOR/SHPO that would mean he is unable to come home?
I get that he is coming home tonight but don't know if he allowed to stay. I guess I should be asking him this but hes not responding so I guess he cant ring?
I just want to be informed and prepared.
I don't know any more than that so told him to charge his phone and call me back.
Question? would a judge order that he is to leave the family home in putting restrictons on the sentance SOR/SHPO that would mean he is unable to come home?
I get that he is coming home tonight but don't know if he allowed to stay. I guess I should be asking him this but hes not responding so I guess he cant ring?
I just want to be informed and prepared.
Ok so just had a quick phone conversation.
He got a 9 month jail sentance suspended for 12 months.
He said there are no other restrictions.
I don't understand that as there is a SRO in place (not sure about SHPO)
The SRO states no unsupervised contact with children. So he does not have unsupervised contact as I supervise contact and SS whilst not entirely happy are agreeing to this subject to them seeking legal advice and following safety plan.
The safety plan is in place and working so far but I am not going to lie it is all on me and I am getting increasingly frustrated with that - but thats another thread.
I want to ensure that by coming home he is not in breech of the order from the court (is it even called that?) as he said he has no paperwork detailing the terms of his probation. As if he is he will go to jail because of that?
He said that a probation office just told him he would need to return to England in 9 months? and that they would'nt be 'policing' his probation?? is that right??
Its all a bit much - hes not forthcoming and doesnt seem to know anything.
I wonder whether because we are living in a different jurisdiction that is why? but he has been contacted by the police here so everyone knows what is going on.
Is there anywhere he or I can go to get specific details on what he is and isnt allowed to do - the terms of his probation as a suspended sentance is a kind of probation isnt it? and is that a separate thing to the SRO?
My head is about to explode I feel I have waited for this day for some finality but it feels far from over in reality.
He is literally doing my head in as he is just so passive about it.
x
He got a 9 month jail sentance suspended for 12 months.
He said there are no other restrictions.
I don't understand that as there is a SRO in place (not sure about SHPO)
The SRO states no unsupervised contact with children. So he does not have unsupervised contact as I supervise contact and SS whilst not entirely happy are agreeing to this subject to them seeking legal advice and following safety plan.
The safety plan is in place and working so far but I am not going to lie it is all on me and I am getting increasingly frustrated with that - but thats another thread.
I want to ensure that by coming home he is not in breech of the order from the court (is it even called that?) as he said he has no paperwork detailing the terms of his probation. As if he is he will go to jail because of that?
He said that a probation office just told him he would need to return to England in 9 months? and that they would'nt be 'policing' his probation?? is that right??
Its all a bit much - hes not forthcoming and doesnt seem to know anything.
I wonder whether because we are living in a different jurisdiction that is why? but he has been contacted by the police here so everyone knows what is going on.
Is there anywhere he or I can go to get specific details on what he is and isnt allowed to do - the terms of his probation as a suspended sentance is a kind of probation isnt it? and is that a separate thing to the SRO?
My head is about to explode I feel I have waited for this day for some finality but it feels far from over in reality.
He is literally doing my head in as he is just so passive about it.
x
Thanks Lee - seriously don't know what I'd do without you.
So he's home and he said he has SHPO and SOR for 10yrs which I thought was long tbh. I don't know though. He thinks it's all over and I'm thinking it's far from over.
Probation won't really get involved here he has to attend court again in 9 months for an update in his progress. He's completing programs and starting therapy so I guess it's to ensure he's working on his rehabilitation.
He may have escaped prison but I feel my sentence is starting - 10yrs in SOR is alot of restrictions for me.
SS have been involved since charges and visit every week and so I don't know what will happen with them or whether they will continue with the arrangements we have now or not.
I honestly don't know if I can do this for 10yrs.
it's a lot on me.
He had such an attitude with me also as I was asking so many questions - I get he's tired it's been a long day but honestly I'm not sure he gets it at all.
I'm tired too so gonna just take one day at a time.
I feel likevsentsncing was supposed to bring an outcome and I feel I am still as lost as ever.
x
So he's home and he said he has SHPO and SOR for 10yrs which I thought was long tbh. I don't know though. He thinks it's all over and I'm thinking it's far from over.
Probation won't really get involved here he has to attend court again in 9 months for an update in his progress. He's completing programs and starting therapy so I guess it's to ensure he's working on his rehabilitation.
He may have escaped prison but I feel my sentence is starting - 10yrs in SOR is alot of restrictions for me.
SS have been involved since charges and visit every week and so I don't know what will happen with them or whether they will continue with the arrangements we have now or not.
I honestly don't know if I can do this for 10yrs.
it's a lot on me.
He had such an attitude with me also as I was asking so many questions - I get he's tired it's been a long day but honestly I'm not sure he gets it at all.
I'm tired too so gonna just take one day at a time.
I feel likevsentsncing was supposed to bring an outcome and I feel I am still as lost as ever.
x
Yeah we are on a plan with SS so at the last core group meeting they stated they were taking legal advice as the report from probation recommended a community order and that he does not reside in the family home.
At sentencing the judge apparently dismissed the PRS as unhelpful and proceeded to sentence as he did. The judge was fully aware of our family situation but there were bo specific directions around that so in terms of where SS stand I am not sure as they stayed the whole motivation for seeking legal advice was based on the report by probation - and that's now not relevant as sentencing overrides that - if that makes sense.
So whilst he is really free in the sense that he can still walk about and love his life I am the one doing the sentence as my life movements and actions are under scrutiny by SS
I can't go out the house without taking my child with me he can and does spend entire days doing what he wants.
I also am not going to be able to have my other children stay whilst he's here so that's another big consequence for me.
Also when you take that into account with his shitty attitude towards me yesterday Really does make me want to leave.
I am just not sure I can make sure a huge decision right now. I found myself disappointed he didn't get custodial which was quite telling.
He really doesn't get the impact this is having in me he thinks that SS involvement is unnecessary and he has a point it is a tick box exercise but it is necessary if we want to stay together as a family.
if he cannot get onboard with that then what am I putting myself through this for.
He hasn't even told his grown up children and that really annoys me as my children are being dragged into this yet he is able to shield the truth from his family.
At sentencing the judge apparently dismissed the PRS as unhelpful and proceeded to sentence as he did. The judge was fully aware of our family situation but there were bo specific directions around that so in terms of where SS stand I am not sure as they stayed the whole motivation for seeking legal advice was based on the report by probation - and that's now not relevant as sentencing overrides that - if that makes sense.
So whilst he is really free in the sense that he can still walk about and love his life I am the one doing the sentence as my life movements and actions are under scrutiny by SS
I can't go out the house without taking my child with me he can and does spend entire days doing what he wants.
I also am not going to be able to have my other children stay whilst he's here so that's another big consequence for me.
Also when you take that into account with his shitty attitude towards me yesterday Really does make me want to leave.
I am just not sure I can make sure a huge decision right now. I found myself disappointed he didn't get custodial which was quite telling.
He really doesn't get the impact this is having in me he thinks that SS involvement is unnecessary and he has a point it is a tick box exercise but it is necessary if we want to stay together as a family.
if he cannot get onboard with that then what am I putting myself through this for.
He hasn't even told his grown up children and that really annoys me as my children are being dragged into this yet he is able to shield the truth from his family.
Hey
Yeah so we are on a CP plan and they asked probation for a report before the first conference (I have actually submitted a complaint to SS as they did not follow procedure during the conference) but that's another matter.
The report was basically the PSR which I still have not seen a copy of - again another matter I'm dealing with.
They are wanting risk assessments for both of us bit there's a long waiting list and so I'm not sure what their plans are in the interim other than the safety plan weekly visits (tick boxing) and taking legal advice?!
I am thinking of leaving (or asking him to leave) because the fact he can go out and spend the day playing sport with his mates and have a normal social life where I can't leave the house without my child is unfair.
I feel I have a sentence and I am the one impacted - he is just getting on with his life where I have no life.
So much to think about and consider before I make such a huge decision.
Yeah so we are on a CP plan and they asked probation for a report before the first conference (I have actually submitted a complaint to SS as they did not follow procedure during the conference) but that's another matter.
The report was basically the PSR which I still have not seen a copy of - again another matter I'm dealing with.
They are wanting risk assessments for both of us bit there's a long waiting list and so I'm not sure what their plans are in the interim other than the safety plan weekly visits (tick boxing) and taking legal advice?!
I am thinking of leaving (or asking him to leave) because the fact he can go out and spend the day playing sport with his mates and have a normal social life where I can't leave the house without my child is unfair.
I feel I have a sentence and I am the one impacted - he is just getting on with his life where I have no life.
So much to think about and consider before I make such a huge decision.
Hey
Yeah so we are on a CP plan and they asked probation for a report before the first conference (I have actually submitted a complaint to SS as they did not follow procedure during the conference) but that's another matter.
The report was basically the PSR which I still have not seen a copy of - again another matter I'm dealing with.
They are wanting risk assessments for both of us bit there's a long waiting list and so I'm not sure what their plans are in the interim other than the safety plan weekly visits (tick boxing) and taking legal advice?!
I am thinking of leaving (or asking him to leave) because the fact he can go out and spend the day playing sport with his mates and have a normal social life where I can't leave the house without my child is unfair.
I feel I have a sentence and I am the one impacted - he is just getting on with his life where I have no life.
So much to think about and consider before I make such a huge decision.
Yeah so we are on a CP plan and they asked probation for a report before the first conference (I have actually submitted a complaint to SS as they did not follow procedure during the conference) but that's another matter.
The report was basically the PSR which I still have not seen a copy of - again another matter I'm dealing with.
They are wanting risk assessments for both of us bit there's a long waiting list and so I'm not sure what their plans are in the interim other than the safety plan weekly visits (tick boxing) and taking legal advice?!
I am thinking of leaving (or asking him to leave) because the fact he can go out and spend the day playing sport with his mates and have a normal social life where I can't leave the house without my child is unfair.
I feel I have a sentence and I am the one impacted - he is just getting on with his life where I have no life.
So much to think about and consider before I make such a huge decision.
So pleased for you
it gives us hope
it gives us hope