Family and Friends Forum

Confused&worried

Member since
June 2022

326 posts

Posted Tue July 5, 2022 4:32pmReport post

5 days after the knock and I had to go back to work today. Normal has never felt so difficult. Faking it for the kids and performing for colleagues is exhausting. I have so much respect for all you ladies who are further down the road are are holding up us new members of the world's worst club. Thank you x

Blackhound

Member since
October 2020

479 posts

Posted Tue July 5, 2022 4:40pmReport post

Sorry you've found yourself here confused and worried... My best advice at your stage of this journey is to get a therapist... You need a sounding board for this journey, not just one to grasp what's going on but one who you say everything and anything to in a safe space.



Goodluck

Newlady

Member since
April 2021

644 posts

Posted Tue July 5, 2022 4:42pmReport post

I went back after 5 days too, it's crazy but I felt so different, I told my colleagues we broke up I caught him chatting to girls online and I dudnt want to talk about it anymore. They were wonderful I must say, but it was strange not getting texts etc from him, it felt like another death had happened, so strange but I got used to my new normal and work is good for distracting me so hopefully do the same for you xx

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2550 posts

Posted Tue July 5, 2022 4:49pmReport post

Hi Newlady...... it really does feel like a bereavement at times esp if your loved one gets a custodial sentence. I still have all my sons things in place plus his clothes still hang in the wardrobe :(

Keep strong x

Edited Tue July 5, 2022 4:51pm

Newlady

Member since
April 2021

644 posts

Posted Tue July 5, 2022 5:00pmReport post

Ahhh smile I can't imagine what that feels like when it's your baby boy, I have sons myself and I'd be there for them, same as you. Hope when he gets out you can all start again and learn to be happy again xx

Confused&worried

Member since
June 2022

326 posts

Posted Tue July 5, 2022 5:07pmReport post

@blackhound. I am waiting an appointment with my GP, I have historically suffered with depression and can't afford to do back down that dark road.

Can you advise if there are specialist therapist for those in our position?

Polly Pocket

Member since
May 2022

440 posts

Posted Tue July 5, 2022 5:28pmReport post

The police took a house key for my son to get back in later in case I went into work on the day of the knock... LOL.

I went back the afternoon after and it was so hard. I ran home screaming after 2 hours because my son didn't answer his phone and I was afraid he was dead.

This is our reality.

I hope you can continue at work and it will bring you some well needed good distraction after a few days, I know it does for me. My 2 big bosses also know all about my situation which helps me a lot!!

X

Jane63

Member since
July 2022

8 posts

Posted Thu July 7, 2022 7:57amReport post

Confused and worried.

I'm so sorry that you are struggling. I can only imagine how difficult it is to concentrate at work and put your situation to the back of your mind. I'm a new retiree so although I don't have that stress I don't have the daily structure. Have you been able to speak to someone at work who could provide a listening ear when you are feeling wobbly?
I'm trying breathing exercises that you could try without anyone seeing - Breathe in for 3 counts, hold for 4 counts and breathe out for 5 counts. This helps calm me for a while. I hope it gets easier for you - a big hug x

SAL

Member since
December 2021

895 posts

Posted Thu July 7, 2022 8:26amReport post

Confused and worried, I'm sorry you find yourself here. Its incredibly hard and quite isolating.

Regarding your question about counselling x yes there are specialists and I'd advise you try to get one that is. If you are able to pay, Stop So can put you in contact with a a specialist.

BaffledB

Member since
July 2021

876 posts

Posted Thu July 7, 2022 9:42amReport post

Confused&Worried,

Well done for going back! It's very difficult. I went back the day after and it was hard but better than being at home where my world had collapsed the day before. I'm 15 months in and sometimes I have days where it's all I can think about and I allow myself times where I can take it easy and not beat myself up for not being productive because the mental strain of it all can be exhausting. But on the flip side there are many days where I enjoy myself and the world doesn't seem so bad! Sending lots of love xx