1 week in
Notifications OFFPost deleted
Morning. We received the knock 6 months to the day before our wedding in America. It absolutely floored me.
Like you, I try to balance my devastation with understanding of why this happened. My fiance has been doing everything possible to address his behaviour that led to the offending. Whilst there's no attraction to children, it appears that it's common that people can come across iioc on places such as Twitter (which shocked me as I assumed it would be monitored!). I'm balancing not providing excuses but instead trying to understand why it happened. If he wasn't so engaged with courses, therapy and books then I would think about whether he is who I want.
I've only made the decision in the last fortnight to go ahead with our wedding. This is something that will always be part of our lives but won't define who we are as a couple. Neither of us want our own children so that saves some further complication down the line - I just want to live a happy, simple life. Whilst my current situation is far from that, I need to hold onto the fact it won't always be like this.
I don't think this answers your question very well but, whatever happens, I hope it works out for you. People keep saying "you have to do what's right for you" in a time where nothing feels like. It's kinda like "do the thing that feels least wrong" - you can't expect yourself to make any clear decisions right now. I said to my oh that I will stay but I may change my mind any time as my head computes what has happened. In the last two weeks, he is putting more effort into our relationship, talking more, helping himself and ultimately addressing the part of himself neither of us love. What's left is the same man I thought I knew...but a more honest, caring, thoughtful and self-aware version.
Xx
Like you, I try to balance my devastation with understanding of why this happened. My fiance has been doing everything possible to address his behaviour that led to the offending. Whilst there's no attraction to children, it appears that it's common that people can come across iioc on places such as Twitter (which shocked me as I assumed it would be monitored!). I'm balancing not providing excuses but instead trying to understand why it happened. If he wasn't so engaged with courses, therapy and books then I would think about whether he is who I want.
I've only made the decision in the last fortnight to go ahead with our wedding. This is something that will always be part of our lives but won't define who we are as a couple. Neither of us want our own children so that saves some further complication down the line - I just want to live a happy, simple life. Whilst my current situation is far from that, I need to hold onto the fact it won't always be like this.
I don't think this answers your question very well but, whatever happens, I hope it works out for you. People keep saying "you have to do what's right for you" in a time where nothing feels like. It's kinda like "do the thing that feels least wrong" - you can't expect yourself to make any clear decisions right now. I said to my oh that I will stay but I may change my mind any time as my head computes what has happened. In the last two weeks, he is putting more effort into our relationship, talking more, helping himself and ultimately addressing the part of himself neither of us love. What's left is the same man I thought I knew...but a more honest, caring, thoughtful and self-aware version.
Xx