Finally some light at the end of the tunnel
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So it's been exactly a year since we had the knock and things are very different.
This time last year whilst dealing with the shock and disgust of my OH actions I was left supporting all our adult children deal with it all emotionally as none of them wanted to speak with him. I also focused all my energies on stopping him from committing suicide. From there my focus was on getting him the support he needed with counselling and solicitors, arranging a new phone, laptop etc so that he could do daily life without using anything of mine. I sought counselling and took time off work to deal with it all. I found this site(which has been incredible for helping me and knowing I'm not alone)
move forward a year. He was given a suspended sentence in March with a SHPO order and SOR.
Family are all aware and whilst his eldest daughter, my eldest son and my brother doesn't want to see him the rest of the family are being supportive.
he hasn't been allowed to see our grandchildren since the knock. Delays with social services despite non stop chasing by police and probation. This will finally change in the next couple of weeks once my step son and his partner have finished a 9 week safeguarding/awareness course. So for the last year I visit them alone.
we have now found a marriage coach who we will start working with in the next couple of weeks so that we can start to hopefully move forward positively in our own relationship. Which may allow me to start trusting him again.
I know I am lucky (if you can call it that). The police were great at every step, we had a top solicitor in the field. he got in with a Lucy faithful counsellor quickly (who he still sees on a monthly basis). it hit the press but (touchwood) that was a few months ago and nothing came of it, our family are supportive, our step children support me unconditionally and have put themselves out massively with doing what is needed for him to see the grandchildren again. he still has a job. My manager has been a rock ensuring I am always ok.
we have some things to still work through and this whole thing will remain with me for life in my head somewhere popping up unexpectedly, but life at the moment is good and going in the right direction.
This time last year whilst dealing with the shock and disgust of my OH actions I was left supporting all our adult children deal with it all emotionally as none of them wanted to speak with him. I also focused all my energies on stopping him from committing suicide. From there my focus was on getting him the support he needed with counselling and solicitors, arranging a new phone, laptop etc so that he could do daily life without using anything of mine. I sought counselling and took time off work to deal with it all. I found this site(which has been incredible for helping me and knowing I'm not alone)
move forward a year. He was given a suspended sentence in March with a SHPO order and SOR.
Family are all aware and whilst his eldest daughter, my eldest son and my brother doesn't want to see him the rest of the family are being supportive.
he hasn't been allowed to see our grandchildren since the knock. Delays with social services despite non stop chasing by police and probation. This will finally change in the next couple of weeks once my step son and his partner have finished a 9 week safeguarding/awareness course. So for the last year I visit them alone.
we have now found a marriage coach who we will start working with in the next couple of weeks so that we can start to hopefully move forward positively in our own relationship. Which may allow me to start trusting him again.
I know I am lucky (if you can call it that). The police were great at every step, we had a top solicitor in the field. he got in with a Lucy faithful counsellor quickly (who he still sees on a monthly basis). it hit the press but (touchwood) that was a few months ago and nothing came of it, our family are supportive, our step children support me unconditionally and have put themselves out massively with doing what is needed for him to see the grandchildren again. he still has a job. My manager has been a rock ensuring I am always ok.
we have some things to still work through and this whole thing will remain with me for life in my head somewhere popping up unexpectedly, but life at the moment is good and going in the right direction.
Gives me strength to read this - so happy for you blackbird x
An uplifting read. I'm pleased for you Blackbird x x x
So much in a year! That is great that so much got done and lots of examples of rehabilitation options.
Can I ask how your step son found/ was instructed to do the safeguarding course? We have had no help with this and my MIL needs to be on some sort of course as she is the only one in the family who is available to supervise her grandkids. We can't afford (money and time wise) to go for a course we think is right and then find out CAFCASS and/or SS don't think is suitable.
So far we have her reading the LF modules but that is more for context on his offending, she hasn't don't anything really on safeguarding children
Can I ask how your step son found/ was instructed to do the safeguarding course? We have had no help with this and my MIL needs to be on some sort of course as she is the only one in the family who is available to supervise her grandkids. We can't afford (money and time wise) to go for a course we think is right and then find out CAFCASS and/or SS don't think is suitable.
So far we have her reading the LF modules but that is more for context on his offending, she hasn't don't anything really on safeguarding children
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Hi majestictopaz
Re the course. It's a sexual abuse course arranged through social services. Social services in all honesty have been crap. The police contacted them the day after the knock a year ago. They did nothing despite the police chasing repeatedly. Only after sentencing in March and when the PO contacted them and really pushed them to do stuff did they do anything at all. At which point they've insisted on the course before signing off on him seeing the kids. I can only say keep pushing the case worker or PO to contact and push social services lots.
I hope they sort it for you. But kick off if nothing is done.
Re the course. It's a sexual abuse course arranged through social services. Social services in all honesty have been crap. The police contacted them the day after the knock a year ago. They did nothing despite the police chasing repeatedly. Only after sentencing in March and when the PO contacted them and really pushed them to do stuff did they do anything at all. At which point they've insisted on the course before signing off on him seeing the kids. I can only say keep pushing the case worker or PO to contact and push social services lots.
I hope they sort it for you. But kick off if nothing is done.
A wonderful update Blackbird thank you for sharing and I wish you and your hubby &family all the very best xx