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Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2550 posts

Posted Sat July 9, 2022 9:41pmReport post

Today a special celebration. Had a lovely day - a tinge of sadness here and there but it can be done, you can feel 'normal' ! Feeling uplifted x

Edited Sat July 9, 2022 9:43pm

Blackhound

Member since
October 2020

479 posts

Posted Sat July 9, 2022 11:47pmReport post

Kinda needed this...

I'm thinking of cancelling my brithday party this year because everyone who will attend will know my partner maybe there... So I'm not even sure it's worth it having to be apprehensive about everything and everyone...

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2550 posts

Posted Sun July 10, 2022 5:28amReport post

To be honest I avoid gatherings/parties of any kind. I know we've travelled down the line now but I still get stressed about being in a situation if someone (who doesn't know) asks about my son......

Edited Sun July 10, 2022 5:29am

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2402 posts

Posted Sun July 10, 2022 10:25amReport post

Celebration hugs my dear friend Smile :-) x

Glad you had a lovely day ( though not far from your thoughts) you so deserve to have a little bit of normality and it lifts you up so pleased for you xx

Blackhound

Member since
October 2020

479 posts

Posted Sun July 10, 2022 7:21pmReport post

Are there many people know who about your son Upset?

Eeryone and their mum's know about my partners crime. Beneath it all I know they all think he's trash. They all think I deserve better given his attitude, his previous depression, alcoholism ect...

Its starting to wear me down so much. So I think maybe cancelling the entire thing and just doing about forty separate things things with people might be a better idea... But I genuinely don't have the mental capacity to do that... If I hold one big party it's done then.

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2402 posts

Posted Sun July 10, 2022 7:51pmReport post

Evening Blackhound

A few close family members who we told before his sentancing as I diddnt want them to find out from the media

It was plastered all over the police website so there are many that do know no one has asked me outright but a few messaged me with empathy and if I wanted to talk they are there

My daughter had a lot of people message her as they knew he was her brother but again messages of support

But his 2 best friends have walked away i just hope in time they come back in to his life as I know how much he needs them x

It's old news now but will be out there forever

If you made the decision to stay with your other half then that is your choice

Why should you cancel your party we all have to make a life as we only get one shot at it

People will always have opinions and some will be non judgemental but unfortunately because of the crime so will be but you can only do what is right for you

You have been through so much so allowing you to do what you want to for your birthday dont let negativity change your thoughts xxx

Bitterbean

Member since
December 2021

635 posts

Posted Sun July 10, 2022 8:47pmReport post

Blackhound I would think it depends on how strong you're feeling as to whether or not your party goes ahead. If you're not feeling strong, then postpone it, there is no point doing it if you're thinking it will be an ordeal.

However, if you're feeling strong you could send out your invitations, ask for rsvps so you know who's coming and don't over or under cater, and se what happens. It will be a good way to find out who your friends are now, who is supporting you and who is just there to gossip.

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2550 posts

Posted Mon July 11, 2022 1:32amReport post

Hi ladies -- my sons case ended up being reported on everything - radio, many local newspapers, local crime websites/fb so I felt everybody new. As regards friends - I've told them as much as I want to.

BUT as Upset says it soon becomes old news but unfortunately only a few taps away and that breaks my heart.

I remember being very nervous about our first family gathering but it was lovely and 'normal' but even tho time has passed I carnt face a get together with friends - it'd stress me out too much :(

Edited Mon July 11, 2022 4:32am