Heartbroken again
Notifications OFF
So after sentencing this week, I thought we could finally start to get our life back on track.
then one of our so called 'friends' who we told about the knock when it happened, decided to tell a group of friends yesterday.
I am heartbroken all over again, it wasn't their business to tell. I now have to face them all today and don't know how they are going to react towards me as we have been to social events with them recently.
They all have kids my kids' age and I have to make the decision to now tell my kids incase it gets out to them.
Just as I thought we could get some normality. I feel sick
then one of our so called 'friends' who we told about the knock when it happened, decided to tell a group of friends yesterday.
I am heartbroken all over again, it wasn't their business to tell. I now have to face them all today and don't know how they are going to react towards me as we have been to social events with them recently.
They all have kids my kids' age and I have to make the decision to now tell my kids incase it gets out to them.
Just as I thought we could get some normality. I feel sick
What's wrong with people what was there reasoning ? The only good thing that might come is once they know then you can do things together and with the children can't ect because the parents know . I'm not sure how old your children are but surley if there there not very old they won't tell there children xx
Oh Jayjay I'm so sorry.
Why on earth would they do that?! Was the friend you told at first ok with everything?
I really hope it's not as bad as you think and that they can be supportive. X
Why on earth would they do that?! Was the friend you told at first ok with everything?
I really hope it's not as bad as you think and that they can be supportive. X
Because he's a horrible person. He wasn't ok with it but promised to keep quiet for mine and sons sake. Now he's blabbed as we've been to social events where children are (fully supervised by me) and decided to tell the parents, calling him the P word.
Im ill and so upset . Im not coping with this my heart is breaking for my kids, last year of primary, they will find out x
Im ill and so upset . Im not coping with this my heart is breaking for my kids, last year of primary, they will find out x
So awful Jayjay
When you have the strength to confide in a so called friend and they then take your decision away of who you wanted to tell
Try not to let this breach of trust bring you down, you have got this , if people say it ask you anything you can explain when you are ready to talk about it you will
Hugs sent xx
When you have the strength to confide in a so called friend and they then take your decision away of who you wanted to tell
Try not to let this breach of trust bring you down, you have got this , if people say it ask you anything you can explain when you are ready to talk about it you will
Hugs sent xx
Post deleted by user
Thanks for the support.
I now need to tell another friend with children today before he does.
any tips on disclosing to them? Their children have been over for tea but I have fully supervised. In hindsight should I have disclosed? Legally we didn't have to, as no contact restrictions but morally? I'm so sad and really not coping today x
I now need to tell another friend with children today before he does.
any tips on disclosing to them? Their children have been over for tea but I have fully supervised. In hindsight should I have disclosed? Legally we didn't have to, as no contact restrictions but morally? I'm so sad and really not coping today x
Jayjay
I dont have experience in friends with young children so cant offer any advice
However while under investigation you legally do not have to tell as you know and the comment about morally should you have said anything the answer to that is you have done nothing wrong,
This journey is hard enough without you adding more pressure on to yourself
How will your friends take it that is entirely up to them but by them knowing you I hope they will show empathy etc
Dont be pressured in to having to disclose everything only you will know how you feel at the time so you do what is right for you
You have got this far and you will get passed this xx
I dont have experience in friends with young children so cant offer any advice
However while under investigation you legally do not have to tell as you know and the comment about morally should you have said anything the answer to that is you have done nothing wrong,
This journey is hard enough without you adding more pressure on to yourself
How will your friends take it that is entirely up to them but by them knowing you I hope they will show empathy etc
Dont be pressured in to having to disclose everything only you will know how you feel at the time so you do what is right for you
You have got this far and you will get passed this xx
Post deleted by user
I'm so sorry this man has put you and your children through this, you've been through enough you don't deserve it. I habnt told anyone about it fir this reason, where I live and work is close nit so if one person knows, everyone will k ow and its noones business. Remember you don't have to explain yourself to anyone, youve did nothing wrong. Hope you get past this Jay xx
Post deleted
Post deleted by user
So I've just had parents of the only child I've had over, my sons best friend, over to disclose.
They were so lovely, non judgmental and so supportive and I wish I'd told them earlier! they know my oh/ex whatever he is and had no concerns what so ever. They also work for the police I might add!
As for the others, I wish I'd had the chance to tell them myself it may have been a different outcome. We'd been to social events where their kids were, fully supervised by me with plenty of other adults around.
Again we have not broken any rules, there are bo restrictions. I'm yet to hear from them and have ignored oh's messages. I only hope that when they have time to digest it, they will come round but if not hey ho!
yes some of these children go to childrens school, I will update the safeguarding officer x
They were so lovely, non judgmental and so supportive and I wish I'd told them earlier! they know my oh/ex whatever he is and had no concerns what so ever. They also work for the police I might add!
As for the others, I wish I'd had the chance to tell them myself it may have been a different outcome. We'd been to social events where their kids were, fully supervised by me with plenty of other adults around.
Again we have not broken any rules, there are bo restrictions. I'm yet to hear from them and have ignored oh's messages. I only hope that when they have time to digest it, they will come round but if not hey ho!
yes some of these children go to childrens school, I will update the safeguarding officer x
thanks Lee. It wasn't even intentional that they came over - I took the kids out for the day and was supposed to be dropping off at home but parents were delayed and they asked for me to take them to mine and would collect on way home. I've learnt my lesson for the future and feel a little naive but it's not like I've been through this before x
Jayjay
My heart breaks for you because something very similar happened to us. A trusted friend decided to tell our whole group of friends and yes used them P word. I really hope your ok lovely x
My heart breaks for you because something very similar happened to us. A trusted friend decided to tell our whole group of friends and yes used them P word. I really hope your ok lovely x
Thanks Hope. How long ago and hows things with your group of friends now? Did they support yous or not?
today is probably the most emotional day I've had. But as the saying goes it is what it is x
today is probably the most emotional day I've had. But as the saying goes it is what it is x
Hi Jayjay,
So we confided in our best friend 2 weeks after the knock, so supportive. Until changes were brought then things changed dramatically. That was 10 months ago now and I won't lie recently we've had trouble from him but I certainly won't let it beat us. We lost all of our couples friends, my friends stayed though and are a constant support. I wish I could tell you that things had turned out better. But I look back at those friendships know and now they weren't true friends so I feel no loss at all. It's so hard when people you trust turn on you but it's made me a stronger person. I always try to see the positive in everything these days because I refuse to let those ignorant idiots define us. Stay strong lady. Sending hugs xx
So we confided in our best friend 2 weeks after the knock, so supportive. Until changes were brought then things changed dramatically. That was 10 months ago now and I won't lie recently we've had trouble from him but I certainly won't let it beat us. We lost all of our couples friends, my friends stayed though and are a constant support. I wish I could tell you that things had turned out better. But I look back at those friendships know and now they weren't true friends so I feel no loss at all. It's so hard when people you trust turn on you but it's made me a stronger person. I always try to see the positive in everything these days because I refuse to let those ignorant idiots define us. Stay strong lady. Sending hugs xx
JayJay, what unspeakable behaviour by your friend. I'm so glad to hear that you have other friend swho are being supportive. All I can suggest is that you take control of the narrative, be honest with the friends you want to keep, and allow some time for them to process it all. You can rise above this and be dignified, unlike your gossipy former friend, who decided to share their personal opinions, prejudice and judgement with others. I'm sure your true friends will see this behaviour for what it is.
Post deleted
Post deleted by user
Love that perspective Polly pockets. Myself, and a lot of us kr if not everyone, didn't get instructions on the Dos and don'ts whilst waiting for the outcome of an investigation.
My partner had bail for only a short amount of time, after that it was just radio silence from the police. My partner did tell all his friends and most have stuck by him, tho many have kept their kids away (mostly at the strong request of the mother's).
We would go to family and friends events with young children. I would supervise, but alway felt guilty. I also have no training in what safeguarding actually is.
It was horrible having to disclose to my aunt and uncle. I was worried they would be angry with me for letting my partner near my cousin. But they were not aggressive and understood I would not let anything bad happen to my cousin. For them I think it helped that my partner wasn't a contact offence.
I also trust they will keep it to themselves. I also told my mum and step dad (pushed by the police- which they had no right to do). I thought my mum would be pragmatic, and she was, but I didn't want to tell her because I know how hard it is for her to keep things to herself. She isn't a gossip as such, she just isn't good at keep things hidden from loved ones. I hate I have put my mum in a horrible position. It was also why I told my step dad because he can support my mum.
We do have the SHPO that says he cannot be in contact with under 16 and that is a pain. We have managed to avoid the questions as to why he can't come to events.
I'm ad your friends have been calm, and shame on the person who said it. Maybe in their head they thought they were doing the right thing, but they put you and your child in danger. You may want to confront them on this.
My partner had bail for only a short amount of time, after that it was just radio silence from the police. My partner did tell all his friends and most have stuck by him, tho many have kept their kids away (mostly at the strong request of the mother's).
We would go to family and friends events with young children. I would supervise, but alway felt guilty. I also have no training in what safeguarding actually is.
It was horrible having to disclose to my aunt and uncle. I was worried they would be angry with me for letting my partner near my cousin. But they were not aggressive and understood I would not let anything bad happen to my cousin. For them I think it helped that my partner wasn't a contact offence.
I also trust they will keep it to themselves. I also told my mum and step dad (pushed by the police- which they had no right to do). I thought my mum would be pragmatic, and she was, but I didn't want to tell her because I know how hard it is for her to keep things to herself. She isn't a gossip as such, she just isn't good at keep things hidden from loved ones. I hate I have put my mum in a horrible position. It was also why I told my step dad because he can support my mum.
We do have the SHPO that says he cannot be in contact with under 16 and that is a pain. We have managed to avoid the questions as to why he can't come to events.
I'm ad your friends have been calm, and shame on the person who said it. Maybe in their head they thought they were doing the right thing, but they put you and your child in danger. You may want to confront them on this.
I have confronted him about putting us in danger, and he said I knowingly took a P to an event where there was kids (our own kids Friends and he was there to see our child get an award) and he thought they had a right to know. He did not want to hear about the difference from a contact offender.
i understand if he didn't want to speak to him again, but it's me and the kids who are being treated like we have offended. he did it to hurt us.
I will never speak to him again unless it's something unsavoury x
i understand if he didn't want to speak to him again, but it's me and the kids who are being treated like we have offended. he did it to hurt us.
I will never speak to him again unless it's something unsavoury x