Dad getting the knock
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So about a month or so ago my dad got the knock whilst my mum and brother were home. I'm still really struggling to come to terms with what he's done (IIOC) and I just don't know when it is all going to start feeling better. It's so confusing at the moment.
Hey Seasidegirl,
I'm sorry you've joined us here. It is a lot to take in & difficult to process when it's someone you love. There are lots of resources to help you, I would suggest calling the helpline. The best thing your Dad can do is to address what has led him here and look to doing courses which are offered as this will be positive further down the road. It's a long process having devices checked and receiving charges so there'll be a long wait which will give you all time to process and prepare. There's lots of people on this journey and you're not alone.
Sending hugs xx
I'm sorry you've joined us here. It is a lot to take in & difficult to process when it's someone you love. There are lots of resources to help you, I would suggest calling the helpline. The best thing your Dad can do is to address what has led him here and look to doing courses which are offered as this will be positive further down the road. It's a long process having devices checked and receiving charges so there'll be a long wait which will give you all time to process and prepare. There's lots of people on this journey and you're not alone.
Sending hugs xx
Oh Bless you. I think your person being your dad must be so hard, we tend to put parents on a pedestal and then struggle when they let us down. Try to remember the good in him, I keep looking at the wonderful father my husband is, particularly to my daughter who is not biologically his and tell myself that is who he really is. The phrase "hate the sin and not the sinner" keeps circling in my head.
It will be a long road, it is still very early days for me too. Keep coming back here and take the support where you can x
It will be a long road, it is still very early days for me too. Keep coming back here and take the support where you can x
Hello
I can relate as it was also my dad who had received the knock too. It is the worst feeling but I found it helpful to find out to route cause of why they viewed the IIOC which in most cases is porn addiction.
He is still your Dad and he would have never meant to hurt you how he has.
hope you're okay xxx
I can relate as it was also my dad who had received the knock too. It is the worst feeling but I found it helpful to find out to route cause of why they viewed the IIOC which in most cases is porn addiction.
He is still your Dad and he would have never meant to hurt you how he has.
hope you're okay xxx
I'm really sorry to hear that, do you communicate with psychotherapist?
Feeling so utterly lost and confused, a year on from the discovery, although my Father (I'm an adult) only recently sentenced. Siblings all reacting differently to situation. All info went into local press which was devastating. Really don't know how to react with my Father, I am so sad and feel at breaking point. Constantly sad and struggling mentally although I am very good at hiding my state from others. Having to support Motheris also trying as she was so dependent on him.
Thank you all so much for the advice and support it is so nice to know that there are others in my position too.
It's so tricky to know how to manage it all and can feel extremely overwhelming. Big hugs to everyone :) xx
It's so tricky to know how to manage it all and can feel extremely overwhelming. Big hugs to everyone :) xx
Hey seaside girl, my Dad got the knock in 2020, suspended sentence early 2022 and now he's in prison after breaching his terms, although we as a family don't actually know the detail because we weren't in court and THANKFULLY this time, the press weren't. They were the other two times.
Every now and then I'll think I'm ok and then bam, I remember my Dad is a paedophile, in prison. It doesn't always compute; the man who raised me couldn't possibly turn out to be this. But he has.
I love him. I miss him. I'm disgusted by him. I don't recognise him. I worry for him. I want him to be better and do better. I will never see him the same. But I love him.
I'm learning there's many, maaaany layers to my acceptance of this entire thing so if that sounds similar to your experience, I hope it's comforting to know you're not alone.
If you are able to access Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and your GP thinks it would be a good match for you, I highly recommend it.
For a long time I was only seeing posts from partners that I couldn't relate to. Thank you for starting this discussion from the view of an (adult) child of an offender, because this is tough.
Every now and then I'll think I'm ok and then bam, I remember my Dad is a paedophile, in prison. It doesn't always compute; the man who raised me couldn't possibly turn out to be this. But he has.
I love him. I miss him. I'm disgusted by him. I don't recognise him. I worry for him. I want him to be better and do better. I will never see him the same. But I love him.
I'm learning there's many, maaaany layers to my acceptance of this entire thing so if that sounds similar to your experience, I hope it's comforting to know you're not alone.
If you are able to access Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and your GP thinks it would be a good match for you, I highly recommend it.
For a long time I was only seeing posts from partners that I couldn't relate to. Thank you for starting this discussion from the view of an (adult) child of an offender, because this is tough.
My dad got the knock in May. Sometimes I deal with it OK and sometimes it's really tough. It would be good for those of us with offending parents to form a group to support each other if anyone is up for it. Everyone who has other offending family members is absolutely lovely but it's not quite the same.
My dad was also caught with watching images online.
What helped me was researching a shit ton on what was happening and why such things happen. It kinda made me realise that my dad is an addict and that that hurt that i'm feeling is dealing with a parent's addiction.
For me, it is horrible that my dad would have done such a thing, but he remains a human being and my dad, so it is also my decision on what to do with the relationship.
With that said, I guard my boundaries extremely well. On some days, I do not want be around him and on others it feels bearable.
Accepting that the emotions are not going to be linear and a lot of setbacks are still happening, gives me some peace that it is normal what i'm feeling.
I feel so bad for all of us and it is different when it is a parent, since they will forever be your dad and part of your life. It kinda forces us to deal with it in another way.
I hope we all have a good weekend and I send you guys a wave of happiness and joy.
What helped me was researching a shit ton on what was happening and why such things happen. It kinda made me realise that my dad is an addict and that that hurt that i'm feeling is dealing with a parent's addiction.
For me, it is horrible that my dad would have done such a thing, but he remains a human being and my dad, so it is also my decision on what to do with the relationship.
With that said, I guard my boundaries extremely well. On some days, I do not want be around him and on others it feels bearable.
Accepting that the emotions are not going to be linear and a lot of setbacks are still happening, gives me some peace that it is normal what i'm feeling.
I feel so bad for all of us and it is different when it is a parent, since they will forever be your dad and part of your life. It kinda forces us to deal with it in another way.
I hope we all have a good weekend and I send you guys a wave of happiness and joy.