So conflicted!
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Evening Bitterbean
I cant offer much advise but just wanted to send you hugs x
Only you can decide on what to do, friends will always want to offer support but they are not walking in your shoes
I am supporting my son and we have a long way to go before he is home x
I cant offer much advise but just wanted to send you hugs x
Only you can decide on what to do, friends will always want to offer support but they are not walking in your shoes
I am supporting my son and we have a long way to go before he is home x
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Thank you Lee, I will have a look/listen. I just feel so confused right now, not just about ut my feelings about my partner but also how I feel about myself.
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Daffodil, thanks for your kind words.
The reason I feel I need to make a decision soon is I feel the plea hearing is coming up soon (though likely to be continued again). I feel the longer I leave it to walk away, the more tainted by the crime I will become in the eyes of others.
I've ways believed myself to be someone who doesn't care about what others think, but this situation has revealed to me that I do actually care what others think, much more than I ever imagined, and also that I fear rejection and isolation. And potential persecution. But I also feel like I'm betraying my partner. Like he's a drowning man and I can't bring myself to jump in and save him.
From a selfish point of view I don't want to leave my home either, I've invested a lot of time making it nice, although it would be too big for me on my own. The irony being if he is convicted and we stay together I can't imagine us making use of the space by having visitors - no one will want to stay with us. Maybe if I was here on my own I could get a lodger or start up a B&B?
I think I'm still grieving for the future I was expecting and that clearly I'm not going to have.
The added complication is I'm carrying a lot of resentment for my partner, not just because of the position he's put us in now, but because of past failings and also other aspects of his behaviour that make him difficult to live with. I've been doing a lot of reflecting on whether the relationship was ever really happy or healthy. I think it was early on, but there were warning signs that I noticed but chose to ignore.
Basically I feel like a failure in terms of relationships.
The reason I feel I need to make a decision soon is I feel the plea hearing is coming up soon (though likely to be continued again). I feel the longer I leave it to walk away, the more tainted by the crime I will become in the eyes of others.
I've ways believed myself to be someone who doesn't care about what others think, but this situation has revealed to me that I do actually care what others think, much more than I ever imagined, and also that I fear rejection and isolation. And potential persecution. But I also feel like I'm betraying my partner. Like he's a drowning man and I can't bring myself to jump in and save him.
From a selfish point of view I don't want to leave my home either, I've invested a lot of time making it nice, although it would be too big for me on my own. The irony being if he is convicted and we stay together I can't imagine us making use of the space by having visitors - no one will want to stay with us. Maybe if I was here on my own I could get a lodger or start up a B&B?
I think I'm still grieving for the future I was expecting and that clearly I'm not going to have.
The added complication is I'm carrying a lot of resentment for my partner, not just because of the position he's put us in now, but because of past failings and also other aspects of his behaviour that make him difficult to live with. I've been doing a lot of reflecting on whether the relationship was ever really happy or healthy. I think it was early on, but there were warning signs that I noticed but chose to ignore.
Basically I feel like a failure in terms of relationships.
Morning Bitterbean
Lots of really good advise from other members on here
Many have stayed, some will continue to support there offenders even if the relationship does not work
You have been brought in to this journey by no fault of your own but we all still question ourselves
I totally understand why you want this to be over and it's just a hell of a long journey
When a relationship fails we see it as a failure but you have to do what is right for you no matter how hard it is
My relationship ended not because of what my son did and I often feel lonely and think is this how my life is going to be I would never have imagined this a few years ago but I guess it is the same for everyone in this journey x
I hope you are a bit better today xx
Lots of really good advise from other members on here
Many have stayed, some will continue to support there offenders even if the relationship does not work
You have been brought in to this journey by no fault of your own but we all still question ourselves
I totally understand why you want this to be over and it's just a hell of a long journey
When a relationship fails we see it as a failure but you have to do what is right for you no matter how hard it is
My relationship ended not because of what my son did and I often feel lonely and think is this how my life is going to be I would never have imagined this a few years ago but I guess it is the same for everyone in this journey x
I hope you are a bit better today xx
Upset mum
Yes I am feeling better today, thanks to the support from you all. I'm trying to be more positive, sometimes I can't see anything positive at all and all my options seem really limited. But there is still a lot of good things in my life, I need to focus on them.
Yes I am feeling better today, thanks to the support from you all. I'm trying to be more positive, sometimes I can't see anything positive at all and all my options seem really limited. But there is still a lot of good things in my life, I need to focus on them.
I totally get how you feel. I deal with these feelings on a daily basis. We are 4 years in and sentencing is weeks away.
Wrote my character witness reference today and he did his too. His words to me were, how do I wrote to say sorry for something I didn't do. I regret massively him pleading guilty but the barrister pressurised us immensely, said he would be imprisoned and because we forgot to disclose that we owned a device from 10 years ago that we had lied. He also announced to the judge and jury that he wasn't sure he could represent us. So he pretty much threw my husband under the bus.
I think daily that it would be better if I just walked away, split up moved away and started again.
The toll this takes on us wives/partners is immense, other than this forum there is no support for us. If you stay then you are somehow judged as deluded.
xx
Wrote my character witness reference today and he did his too. His words to me were, how do I wrote to say sorry for something I didn't do. I regret massively him pleading guilty but the barrister pressurised us immensely, said he would be imprisoned and because we forgot to disclose that we owned a device from 10 years ago that we had lied. He also announced to the judge and jury that he wasn't sure he could represent us. So he pretty much threw my husband under the bus.
I think daily that it would be better if I just walked away, split up moved away and started again.
The toll this takes on us wives/partners is immense, other than this forum there is no support for us. If you stay then you are somehow judged as deluded.
xx
There are so many ups and downs on this journey there is no wrong or rights in any of it. I long for the day for it to be over so should I walk away now but then I realise it will never really be over either way!
like previous posters have said you have to do what you feel comfortable with there doesn't have to be anything set. Just take each day as it comes and do something for you however little xx
like previous posters have said you have to do what you feel comfortable with there doesn't have to be anything set. Just take each day as it comes and do something for you however little xx
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Summer, thank you, I'm feeling better today, just a bit angry.