I think I might leave my husband
Notifications OFF
Hi everyone,
Its been nearly 2 weeks post knock and I think I'm leaning towards leaving my husband. We just celebrated out 1 year wedding anniversary and 2 days later I got the knock.
We haven't had sex in 5 years due to issues with him and I've waited patiently for a very long time. I found out he'd been using kik to message people online for 2 years. So 1 year before we got married.
I feel so broken. Like our relationship is just broken and I feel like such an idiot. I've asked him to go to his parents for a while...
I don't know what to do or what the right answer is.
Its been nearly 2 weeks post knock and I think I'm leaning towards leaving my husband. We just celebrated out 1 year wedding anniversary and 2 days later I got the knock.
We haven't had sex in 5 years due to issues with him and I've waited patiently for a very long time. I found out he'd been using kik to message people online for 2 years. So 1 year before we got married.
I feel so broken. Like our relationship is just broken and I feel like such an idiot. I've asked him to go to his parents for a while...
I don't know what to do or what the right answer is.
Hi,
Nobody can tell you what the right answer is for you. It's still very early days. If you've asked him to go to his parents for a while then that is the right answer for you at the moment. We separated and he is still with his parents almost two years on from the knock. We are looking at a slow rebuild as this feels right to me. You're allowed to change your mind further down the line if you choose to. All of our circumstances differ and as individuals we make decisions best for us. Sending love in a very confusing time for you xx
Nobody can tell you what the right answer is for you. It's still very early days. If you've asked him to go to his parents for a while then that is the right answer for you at the moment. We separated and he is still with his parents almost two years on from the knock. We are looking at a slow rebuild as this feels right to me. You're allowed to change your mind further down the line if you choose to. All of our circumstances differ and as individuals we make decisions best for us. Sending love in a very confusing time for you xx
Heya Anxiety,
I'm so sorry you've found yourself here. I really connect with your story. My partner got the knock a few days after my brithday and about a year after our first wedding anniversary.
Similar to you we had problems in our sex life. My husband was deeply ashamed and scared of his sexuality. Used Alcohol and porn as a coping mechanism. He was an alcoholic and part of his rehabilitation is an alcohol tag.
The result was 3 images found. It came out in the media because I live in a small town. I can tell you now, if your relationship has pre existing problems then this revelation will do one of two things:
1. Be the making of a better, healthier relationship
2. Be the end of your relationship
Please note, there's nothing about this journey that's easy. There is no easy way out or solution and what ever you choose to do will is yours to own. Whether you leave or stay is absolutely your decision
Because this came out in the media and we were threatened by neighbors, I've decided to take 2 months to focus on me and sort my feelings out... He is at his parents because he has to be... It's actually really what he needed and what I need right now. At the end of the day, you need to focus on yourself first and foremost, whatever that looks like.
Goodluck and keep reaching out.
I'm so sorry you've found yourself here. I really connect with your story. My partner got the knock a few days after my brithday and about a year after our first wedding anniversary.
Similar to you we had problems in our sex life. My husband was deeply ashamed and scared of his sexuality. Used Alcohol and porn as a coping mechanism. He was an alcoholic and part of his rehabilitation is an alcohol tag.
The result was 3 images found. It came out in the media because I live in a small town. I can tell you now, if your relationship has pre existing problems then this revelation will do one of two things:
1. Be the making of a better, healthier relationship
2. Be the end of your relationship
Please note, there's nothing about this journey that's easy. There is no easy way out or solution and what ever you choose to do will is yours to own. Whether you leave or stay is absolutely your decision
Because this came out in the media and we were threatened by neighbors, I've decided to take 2 months to focus on me and sort my feelings out... He is at his parents because he has to be... It's actually really what he needed and what I need right now. At the end of the day, you need to focus on yourself first and foremost, whatever that looks like.
Goodluck and keep reaching out.
I stuck by mine for 5 years. It happened 3 months after we were married. We learned he's autistic so the big changes in our lives moving out of family homes and getting married and the stresses made him react.
It's been 5 years and I'm finally reaching the end of my tether. I want to leave but I don't want the guilt of him committing suicide which I know is very close on his to do list if I were to leave.
I totally get what you're saying. He's messaged other girls since as well. I'm not sure where to turn either at the moment. I just want to be happy and it's not with him.
It's been 5 years and I'm finally reaching the end of my tether. I want to leave but I don't want the guilt of him committing suicide which I know is very close on his to do list if I were to leave.
I totally get what you're saying. He's messaged other girls since as well. I'm not sure where to turn either at the moment. I just want to be happy and it's not with him.
Anxiety,
You sounds like a very caring, understanding and patient person. It's very early in the journey but I can absolutely sympathise with your feelings. I feel as women we are often so excusatory for partners and offer levels of compassion & understanding which are not always reciprocated - forgoing intimacy for 5 years is a huge thing for someone to do! Have a think about what YOU truly want and desire in life because if your relationship isn't serving you then you absolutely deserve to find happiness. It's one thing to stand by your partner because you love them and generally your relationship is happy and positive but it's another to go through this hell if you weren't happy before and aren't having your sacrifices and effort reciprocated. There's no easy answer or quick fix to this, it's very much down to how you feel. There's lots of support if you choose to stay and lots of ladies choose to stay. There's no time limit on your decision xx
You sounds like a very caring, understanding and patient person. It's very early in the journey but I can absolutely sympathise with your feelings. I feel as women we are often so excusatory for partners and offer levels of compassion & understanding which are not always reciprocated - forgoing intimacy for 5 years is a huge thing for someone to do! Have a think about what YOU truly want and desire in life because if your relationship isn't serving you then you absolutely deserve to find happiness. It's one thing to stand by your partner because you love them and generally your relationship is happy and positive but it's another to go through this hell if you weren't happy before and aren't having your sacrifices and effort reciprocated. There's no easy answer or quick fix to this, it's very much down to how you feel. There's lots of support if you choose to stay and lots of ladies choose to stay. There's no time limit on your decision xx
It is only a few weeks for me also, and I am taking the advice from this forum. A day at a time. I am not making any long term judgements. I think I know what I want then change my mind the following, day, hour or even minutes. I am so confused by everything and I firmly believe at this moment I do not know what I want. But like the others have said, there is no right or wrong. You have to do what is right for you.