What do Childrens Services want?!?!
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On Monday we had a visit from the SW who has carried out the section 47 prior to the ICPC tomorrow. She questioned how I was so "calm and rational", like she wanted to see an emotional wreck looking after my children. Then in her report she has said that she "questions why I so readily support" my OH.
I hate what he did, it disgusts me, but I refuse to up-end my childrens lives and kick daddy out unless it is completely necessary. I believe that he has mental health issues, he is not sexually attracted to children. If he can get help and my very happy & loved children can remain oblivious to all of this, why not hope for a future.
...... or am I being naive?
I hate what he did, it disgusts me, but I refuse to up-end my childrens lives and kick daddy out unless it is completely necessary. I believe that he has mental health issues, he is not sexually attracted to children. If he can get help and my very happy & loved children can remain oblivious to all of this, why not hope for a future.
...... or am I being naive?
I've already got a list of errors on her initial report, sttuff that is just factually incorrect. What is really worrying me is that she seems adamant that the kids should be questioned about possible abuse even though there is absolutely no evidence of abuse, the police have said that they don't believe that there was abuse, my children are happy and stable, no red flags or indications of abuse. They seems to want to traumatise them while I want to protect them from ever knowing what is happening.
And Lee..... you are just amazing!
Hi Confused&worried
Isn't this a good thing that you are acting calm when you are dealing with SS. They should have seen this as positive as you are handling it well instead of questioning it.
SS reports are usually full of lies and like Lee said make a note of them and ask them to correct it. I still remember in one of our report it was said that my husband manipulated me to have kids so he can abuse them and due to my culture I will let that happen. What the he'll she knew about my culture and she hardly met me once when she wrote it and didn't talk to me anything about my protective capabilities. I then made her to correct all these statements.
Lee has already given good advice here about creating a safety plan. Also I will suggest to learn as much as you can about your husband offence.
Work with your kids to teach them pants rules and read them age appropriate books so they know how to protect themselves from abuse in general. Because of your husband offenses he will always be a risk in professional's eyes so you will need to show them he is a manageable risk and you have capabilities to manage it. Also ask them to put you on safeguarding course if you haven't done yet as it will show them you are being proactive.
Isn't this a good thing that you are acting calm when you are dealing with SS. They should have seen this as positive as you are handling it well instead of questioning it.
SS reports are usually full of lies and like Lee said make a note of them and ask them to correct it. I still remember in one of our report it was said that my husband manipulated me to have kids so he can abuse them and due to my culture I will let that happen. What the he'll she knew about my culture and she hardly met me once when she wrote it and didn't talk to me anything about my protective capabilities. I then made her to correct all these statements.
Lee has already given good advice here about creating a safety plan. Also I will suggest to learn as much as you can about your husband offence.
Work with your kids to teach them pants rules and read them age appropriate books so they know how to protect themselves from abuse in general. Because of your husband offenses he will always be a risk in professional's eyes so you will need to show them he is a manageable risk and you have capabilities to manage it. Also ask them to put you on safeguarding course if you haven't done yet as it will show them you are being proactive.
Didn't you know ... they want you to kick him out, divorce immediately, and never speak his name ever again :)
Seriously though, No wonder SS have a bad name. They love to tick their boxes.
I told sw I didn't think he was attracted to children ... so she wrote in our assessment I was minimising.
She wrote that as I was not an emotional wreck that she needed to keep me open for support when it hit me.
I told her I don't know whether there would be a relationship in the future ... so she wrote that I did not realise the severity.
she tried to bully me for months to tell the children what their dad had done to 'protect themselves' and that SS had expectations that they should be told immediately.
I stuck to my guns, followed everything up tht was incorrect in an email and asked her to reply by email so we had paper trial x
Seriously though, No wonder SS have a bad name. They love to tick their boxes.
I told sw I didn't think he was attracted to children ... so she wrote in our assessment I was minimising.
She wrote that as I was not an emotional wreck that she needed to keep me open for support when it hit me.
I told her I don't know whether there would be a relationship in the future ... so she wrote that I did not realise the severity.
she tried to bully me for months to tell the children what their dad had done to 'protect themselves' and that SS had expectations that they should be told immediately.
I stuck to my guns, followed everything up tht was incorrect in an email and asked her to reply by email so we had paper trial x
Thank you all. My children are 6, 8 & 17.
I am going to insist that I do not want them informed. I will go along with (almost) anything else but not that. My eldest and youngest are both autistic so struggle to process things. I will protect them from everything..... Inc SS!
I am going to insist that I do not want them informed. I will go along with (almost) anything else but not that. My eldest and youngest are both autistic so struggle to process things. I will protect them from everything..... Inc SS!
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Sorry to hear they have been like this there horrible . I don't have much advise they frung up as my door one day and I was in shock. They asked my daughter if she has been alone with daddy ect. She said yes we went to mcdolands but she was on about like 2 years ago . I think she got panicked and didn't know what to say I was trying to keep myself together then just broken down. Next visit was with me and my partner I told her to come when my daughter's not here so we can talk because I don't want her to see me upset.
When she came me and my partner were crying could barley speak she asked him to leave the room if he couldn't keep himself together not sure she could cope with us upset . She said he will never be aloud unsupervised visits as long as there under 16 . She tried to say I need to tell all my family and my mum ect to supervise the visits I said that won't work at all it needs to be me . And I sed if my mum was here then the kids would be running about more excited there 2 people here and more chance of them not listening and not all staying in the same room . There would be to much going on . (Plus I don't think she wud do it and she doesn't see eye to eye with my partner all ready) . I think they try there luck .
I surpose I'm some what lucky that they let me supervise and havnt heard anything from them .but at the same time they don't reply I have never had anything in writing and I don't know there next steps.
Keep strong don't Lett them worry you and push for what you want . Xx
When she came me and my partner were crying could barley speak she asked him to leave the room if he couldn't keep himself together not sure she could cope with us upset . She said he will never be aloud unsupervised visits as long as there under 16 . She tried to say I need to tell all my family and my mum ect to supervise the visits I said that won't work at all it needs to be me . And I sed if my mum was here then the kids would be running about more excited there 2 people here and more chance of them not listening and not all staying in the same room . There would be to much going on . (Plus I don't think she wud do it and she doesn't see eye to eye with my partner all ready) . I think they try there luck .
I surpose I'm some what lucky that they let me supervise and havnt heard anything from them .but at the same time they don't reply I have never had anything in writing and I don't know there next steps.
Keep strong don't Lett them worry you and push for what you want . Xx
Funny they questioned how calm you were...whilst I admited that this has shocked me to the core and was struggling only to use that as proof that my kids needed a child in need plan because I wasn't coping.
Like wtf did you expect?
You can't trust them, you really can't.
Like wtf did you expect?
You can't trust them, you really can't.
Wow jayjay your experience with SS sounds similar to mine apart from with me they took it a step further in that they told me my calmness made them think I knew about what he has done (!!) and they insisted on telling my child which I believe will have caused so much more harm!