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My husband got the Knock 6 weeks ago we've been together 34 years and I'm just so confused by it all one day normal life next it's all gone. He has moved out with help of family and started counselling. We have txt and seen each other which feels weird as I still love him but can't believe what he has done. I feel ive lost my husband and best friend. My children who are older don't want anything to do with him at the moment (as some was to do with my daughter) and when I txt or see him I feel like it's a betrayal to them. and I'm so worried about money as I expect (reading info) he will go to prison and then SOR. Then I can't afford our home where my children still live. I can't imagine my life without him but can't imagine it with him after what he has done.
any advice please is welcome.
any advice please is welcome.
All I can advise take it a day at a time. One problem at a time. I am only 5 weeks in and have been married over 30 years. My OH was also my best friend and the one person I could rely on to help through anything. I am finding this the hardest. This forum has been my comfort. Like others will advise go though the old posts and write down the advise that is relevant to you. Each day just remember you have to do what is right for you and no one else.
Easier said than done i know, but you just need to keep trying.
Easier said than done i know, but you just need to keep trying.
Web89
thank you for your reply I will keep looking at the forum as it has been helpful. I hadn't thought of writing things down so I will do this. I'm not used to putting myself first and have always put my family before me so it is all a new learning curve. I can't help but feel guilty about how I feel. One minute I feel sad then so angry then I blame my OH for what he is put us through. I then guilty about that. But my main thing is I have to look after my children as even though they are adults they are still my children. I hope things get easier for you also.
thank you for your reply I will keep looking at the forum as it has been helpful. I hadn't thought of writing things down so I will do this. I'm not used to putting myself first and have always put my family before me so it is all a new learning curve. I can't help but feel guilty about how I feel. One minute I feel sad then so angry then I blame my OH for what he is put us through. I then guilty about that. But my main thing is I have to look after my children as even though they are adults they are still my children. I hope things get easier for you also.
Unfortunately it is very hard to give advice, other than take things one day at a time and make sure you are looking after yourself.
For me, it has been around 20 months since the knock. I still live with my partner, but I am still working out my feelings. I love him and want to support him, but I am also confused, hurt and feel betrayed.
And if I'm honest, I don't personally think I will be able to understand my own feelings until I am out of the situation and it's "over". I think living together has made things harder for me because I have focused everything into helping and supporting him, rather than myself. That was my coping mechanism to get through it. I don't know if it was the right thing to do, but it has helped me get through it and live some sort of "normal" life.
Make sure the people around you that know about the situation know how you want to be supported too. Your mental health matters. So if you want to see him, let them know it's something you need to do because it's helping you.
The forum can be so helpful. And in a strange way it is nice to hear that people have felt the same feelings you are feeling. It makes you feel like you are not alone. But do step away from the forum every now and again and take a break from it all if you need to, because it can become quite overbearing sometimes as well.
Please look after yourself x
For me, it has been around 20 months since the knock. I still live with my partner, but I am still working out my feelings. I love him and want to support him, but I am also confused, hurt and feel betrayed.
And if I'm honest, I don't personally think I will be able to understand my own feelings until I am out of the situation and it's "over". I think living together has made things harder for me because I have focused everything into helping and supporting him, rather than myself. That was my coping mechanism to get through it. I don't know if it was the right thing to do, but it has helped me get through it and live some sort of "normal" life.
Make sure the people around you that know about the situation know how you want to be supported too. Your mental health matters. So if you want to see him, let them know it's something you need to do because it's helping you.
The forum can be so helpful. And in a strange way it is nice to hear that people have felt the same feelings you are feeling. It makes you feel like you are not alone. But do step away from the forum every now and again and take a break from it all if you need to, because it can become quite overbearing sometimes as well.
Please look after yourself x