Need to rant
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Afternoon all,
How does everyone cope with loved ones self pity? He's struggling to get a job and is very depressed. He's on two programmes to help him with finding a job, one through job centre and one through probation. I can tell that he's finding it overwhelming and is worrying that even if he found something would he be mentally sound enough to hold a job down after not working for two years.
I do fully understand his fears and if he couldn't or didn't want to work I'd respect his decision. I am struggling to cope with how he chooses to handle things, he's currently in the pub. Every conversation that we have is so downbeat and it's bringing me down. Still no word from ss in a week and a half and I feel in limbo with them so I can't take on his mood too
How does everyone cope with loved ones self pity? He's struggling to get a job and is very depressed. He's on two programmes to help him with finding a job, one through job centre and one through probation. I can tell that he's finding it overwhelming and is worrying that even if he found something would he be mentally sound enough to hold a job down after not working for two years.
I do fully understand his fears and if he couldn't or didn't want to work I'd respect his decision. I am struggling to cope with how he chooses to handle things, he's currently in the pub. Every conversation that we have is so downbeat and it's bringing me down. Still no word from ss in a week and a half and I feel in limbo with them so I can't take on his mood too
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He has shown a lot of remorse but even his apologies for what he has brought to me and my children feel like part of his own pity party to be honest. I don't need a million apologies I need him to recognise that allowing himself to wallow and be so pessimistic is not helpful for either of our mental health. It's just frustrating sometimes isn't it? Thank you for letting me realise I'm not alone xx
I want to scream everytime I hear the word "but" from my OH. "I know this is my fault, BUT.......", "I know this is hard for you, BUT.........", "I'd do anything to make it up to you, BUT........".
He's starting to realise the impact of he's actions slowly, BUT, the pity parties still rear their ugly head.
He's starting to realise the impact of he's actions slowly, BUT, the pity parties still rear their ugly head.
Omg yes!! Absolutely does my head in. It's like we have to cope and carry on regardless. Added pressures of parenting alone with people questioning your ability to parent and then we have to parent them too. It's like I never get the chance to just relax, someone always needs me. I fell asleep putting baby to bed, went downstairs and my oldest wanted a cup of tea, then the dog needed some attention and then Mr I've been at the pub all afternoon called to let me know how crap his life is. Just got off the phone and come to bed to get a few hours before doing it all again tomorrow. I'm going to try to get some information on strategies for him to boost his mood and see if he actually tries any of them if he doesn't then I think it may have to be a trip to the gp for him cuz I'm all out of ideas and patience xx
Confused and worried, if I ever express that I'm worried or anxious about this or feeling down or overwhelmed, I get "well, how do you think *I'm* feeling?" Not helpful.
I think this is where counselling for both the accused and their partner is helpful, or other close friend or confidante. Ideally someone who either doesn't know your partner or isn't close to them. It's good to have someone supportive to unload on when we're stressed - for many of us this is normally our partner and if the partner is the person of interest, so to speak, then that becomes problematic as they have their own problems. They are not the source of support, they are the cause of the problem.
My partner unloads on me occasionally, and its so hard at times to be sympathetic - but at least I don't say "well, how do you think *I'm* feeling!" I've tried to persuade him to go for counselling but I think he's too stingy and embarrassed to do it.
I think this is where counselling for both the accused and their partner is helpful, or other close friend or confidante. Ideally someone who either doesn't know your partner or isn't close to them. It's good to have someone supportive to unload on when we're stressed - for many of us this is normally our partner and if the partner is the person of interest, so to speak, then that becomes problematic as they have their own problems. They are not the source of support, they are the cause of the problem.
My partner unloads on me occasionally, and its so hard at times to be sympathetic - but at least I don't say "well, how do you think *I'm* feeling!" I've tried to persuade him to go for counselling but I think he's too stingy and embarrassed to do it.
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He's not allowed to be here or do anything practical to support me. I think that's part of the issue, he feels like he has no purpose. It's a major red flag to me and he knows that he needs to sort his ways of coping pretty rapidly because I won't be taking excuses once we're allowed to spend more time together xx
Distressed and Pregnant keeping my fingers crossed that he gets his act together and things start to improve for you!