Family and Friends Forum

Blackhound

Member since
October 2020

479 posts

Posted Mon July 25, 2022 6:18pmReport post

Hey everyone,

I'm trying to come on here less and less in order to focus on me.... But there ones thing that's bothering me atm...

I planned a party towards the end of the year to celebrate my birthday... This was pre media explosion and neighborhood pitch fork party... For those new here, it can and does very much happen.

I'm in two minds whether to have it at all now. Everyone has already confirmed attendance. I haven't paid anything yet. But I know my partner won't likely be there:

A) Because I know no one will want him there. Most likely one of my family members will get drunk and punch him as this happened at a family event we hosted before.

B) I don't think he wants to go, I have asked but he said I'll go if you want me there

C) I'm starting to see big parties and shindigs where all the light is on you as attention seeking

Even on a trial separation (which were on atm) it feels vehemently wrong to have a party in which everyone I love, apart from the person I love the most is there.

I know I would ' have a good time with everyone there' and ' I shouldn't let this stop me from going ahead with it' but honestly, I just don't feel like having myself another attention seeking event would be good for me right now...

Any suggestions? Hints? Tips?

Thanks

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2402 posts

Posted Mon July 25, 2022 6:42pmReport post

Evening Blackhound

I cant offer much advise other than you need to do what is right for you , this journey really does bring out the best and worst in people some are amazing and supportive but others we have to tippy toe around as not to upset them, but you have and are living this, you did nothing wrong x

How would people feel if you cancelled it? How would you feel if you did?

You could maybe do something for the both of you a weekend away xx

Blackhound

Member since
October 2020

479 posts

Posted Mon July 25, 2022 6:51pmReport post

Hey upset,

What's right for me... Hmmm... Now that you've asked that question I feel like what's right for me is to just cancel it... I don't think I'd be happy to celebrate without him there with me..

Thanks for posing the question!

I'm in total agreement, I've had nothing but spport but only so far as to check my welfare...

I'd just feel a little part of me isn't there at the party so I wouldn't be able to enjoy it...

Funnily enough my partner did say that whatever day I wanted, whether it was on the day or not, he has something planned for me which was honestly so nice to hear...

I think you're right though... It's me and what I want xx

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2402 posts

Posted Mon July 25, 2022 7:01pmReport post

Blackhound

We all get one shot at this life and you do what is and feels right for you and your hubby

This journey is horrendous but we are all still here and it is great you have support

Go with your heart and as a good old saying goes you just need to look forward and not ever look back

We always worry about what should we do for the best as we dont want to offend etc

You hold your head high and if you want a party then do it and enjoy every second of it

If not then you both do something you will both love xx

Bitterbean

Member since
December 2021

635 posts

Posted Mon July 25, 2022 11:05pmReport post

Blackhound

If you don't want to do it, don't do it. And remember circumstances and situations change, as do people's opinions over time, so it may not be a cancellation as much as a postponement. Whatever you are celebrating, you *can* celebrate it at another time. Whenever you like. With whoever you choose.

Sadsister22

Member since
February 2022

95 posts

Posted Mon July 25, 2022 11:36pmReport post

Hiya x

It sounds to me that you might feel as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders if you cancel your party?, maybe cancel and say the reason is your venue fell though.

Book an alternative trip away for you and your husband if that feels right.

Go with your heart hun x I hope you are ok x

Blackhound

Member since
October 2020

479 posts

Posted Tue July 26, 2022 8:50amReport post

Thanks Bitter and Sadaister...

Sadsister you're right, I think a weight would be lifted if I cancelled ...

Bitter you're also right, I could postpone it for a while... I have another family event soon so I might guage the atmosphere there...

Alternatively I might just have to have separate celebrations... Like about 4/6 of them with various groups..

It would save a lot of worry...

Sadsister22

Member since
February 2022

95 posts

Posted Tue July 26, 2022 11:26pmReport post

Hiya

Sounds like a good plan, plus you get to celebrate your birthday a few times which you absolutely deserve.

Have a wonderful time no matter what you choose to do xx

Ps happy birthday for when the day comes

Xx