What else now???
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So 1 year, 1 month and 4 days after the knock, he was sentenced. Finally after a massive mess with the magisters Court on which they passed on the Crown Court, he was sentenced to comunity service for 18 months, which includes 40 hours of therapy, 80 hours unpaid work, 5 years in the SOR and 2 years SHPO.
This was for possession of 1 cat A image, one Cat C and 240 images of extreme pornography.
On this process, he gain a job and lost it, and has become a shell of the man I once knew. I don't believe this marriage will last, but I'm taking every single baby step towards moving on that I can, mainly for my kids and out of respect of our past. He needs to find himself away from me, whatever that is
Now my grumble is with how extra slow everything is. I know I should be used by now but for Goodness sake, this is extra unnecesary torture.
There are no restrictions at all with him on the SHPO about being around kids besides having to tell the police if he's going to stay for more than 7 days. Restrictions are all online. SS closed the case, yet between my husband's administration officer and SS, they imposed the same restrictions that he is not to stay unsupervised with the kids until "they talk to me". Talk about what? And I've been waiting for this "talk" for two weeks, wtf is happening?
Last update was today from his administration officer that they want to open a case, which the administration person says is unnecessary. And the social worker assigned some time ago does not answer me anymore.
I understand they have their protocols and what not but why make things more difficult than they should be? They are supposed to help not make things harder for me and the kids.
I'm tired. I work 12 hours shifts, I need help with childcare and I can't stand my mother in law here all the time anymore. I need him to man up and do the childcare too, but all this is preventing that to happen.
Sorry for this rant.
Anyway, does anybody has some idea of where is this going from now? Much appreciated!
This was for possession of 1 cat A image, one Cat C and 240 images of extreme pornography.
On this process, he gain a job and lost it, and has become a shell of the man I once knew. I don't believe this marriage will last, but I'm taking every single baby step towards moving on that I can, mainly for my kids and out of respect of our past. He needs to find himself away from me, whatever that is
Now my grumble is with how extra slow everything is. I know I should be used by now but for Goodness sake, this is extra unnecesary torture.
There are no restrictions at all with him on the SHPO about being around kids besides having to tell the police if he's going to stay for more than 7 days. Restrictions are all online. SS closed the case, yet between my husband's administration officer and SS, they imposed the same restrictions that he is not to stay unsupervised with the kids until "they talk to me". Talk about what? And I've been waiting for this "talk" for two weeks, wtf is happening?
Last update was today from his administration officer that they want to open a case, which the administration person says is unnecessary. And the social worker assigned some time ago does not answer me anymore.
I understand they have their protocols and what not but why make things more difficult than they should be? They are supposed to help not make things harder for me and the kids.
I'm tired. I work 12 hours shifts, I need help with childcare and I can't stand my mother in law here all the time anymore. I need him to man up and do the childcare too, but all this is preventing that to happen.
Sorry for this rant.
Anyway, does anybody has some idea of where is this going from now? Much appreciated!
Why don't you contact ss and tell them this? They love to make us wait and it shows your not really top priority which is good considering he's no restrictions on shpo. They'll probably ramble on about safeguarding etc, tell them what they want to here and hopefully get them out if your hair, or if you don't agree with them, ring family rights for advice,. Glad the big part is over you now and hopefully this will be resolved soon so you and your children can get on with your life x
Green, thank you for your post. I know you were seeking advise but I hope you can get some comfort from knowing that your post has brought someone (me), some hope. From the information I have (just 1 month post knock), my OH has a similar level of images as your person. To hear that there is possibly life after this nightmare which can been resolved in a relatively quick period of time, is just what i needed. Thank you x
Confused&worried, I'm very glad that this post has brough some peace, yet I'm sad that you're here in the first place.
Same as you, I used to constantly check for others sentences to compare, and I'm glad that you got some peace from mine, but you will also see some folk being made examples of, so take a step back if your mental health suffers. I know I had to.
There is life to be had after this mess that someone else has caused, however be prepared for a ride of crap and for all your previous ideas about authority to be challenged. They do not care about us, as much as they say they do. We and our kids are collateral damage, and it's beyond unfair considering that A- we didn't do anything and B- some of us could be going thru extra trauma as survivors ourselves, since 1 in 4 girls is sexually abused.
The trauma all this has brought back is insane, and their help was none. It has to come from you and you only. Love yourself with intensity, eat healthily, take rest, take the tablets if needed, exercise, anything to get you going, as silly as might sound.
Big hugs xx
Same as you, I used to constantly check for others sentences to compare, and I'm glad that you got some peace from mine, but you will also see some folk being made examples of, so take a step back if your mental health suffers. I know I had to.
There is life to be had after this mess that someone else has caused, however be prepared for a ride of crap and for all your previous ideas about authority to be challenged. They do not care about us, as much as they say they do. We and our kids are collateral damage, and it's beyond unfair considering that A- we didn't do anything and B- some of us could be going thru extra trauma as survivors ourselves, since 1 in 4 girls is sexually abused.
The trauma all this has brought back is insane, and their help was none. It has to come from you and you only. Love yourself with intensity, eat healthily, take rest, take the tablets if needed, exercise, anything to get you going, as silly as might sound.
Big hugs xx
NewLady I've contacted them and they're not answering back. I'm wary of contact them more for the fear of looking like I care more about my job and shifts rather than my kid's safety if you know what I mean? Stupid mind games.
Lee thanks for all that clarification. So as it stands, if he wanted to take care of the kids unsupervised, he can? His visor (my person calls her administrative, don't know why) says that SS was not happy about that, yet I haven't spoke with anybody and there's nothing on his sentence stopping him from doing so. The police does not mind either as long as they know his whereabouts and all his passwords.
He's got the first meeting with his probation officer tomorrow, so hopefully she'll clarify things. I just hope my person pulls his finger out, his self steem is beyond tatters after this ans is like walking on eggshells.
Lee thanks for all that clarification. So as it stands, if he wanted to take care of the kids unsupervised, he can? His visor (my person calls her administrative, don't know why) says that SS was not happy about that, yet I haven't spoke with anybody and there's nothing on his sentence stopping him from doing so. The police does not mind either as long as they know his whereabouts and all his passwords.
He's got the first meeting with his probation officer tomorrow, so hopefully she'll clarify things. I just hope my person pulls his finger out, his self steem is beyond tatters after this ans is like walking on eggshells.
Green - I'm not an expert like Lee! (Love them) however, I do believe that depending on what agreement you have with SS, most are recommendations - not enforceable.
We are on a safety plan and agreed to do supervised contact (no sentencing yet) and I know that it's all just voluntary and recommendations. We've never broke it as we want to play by the letter right now of course.
I think in your circumstance, if you were only n a plan that's not a court order one - I'd be tempted to do the unsupervised etc however... I don't know if SS found out he'd moved back in or done unsupervised they would then say you're not being a protective mother and escalate your case?
like Lee has said on various threads, if there are no contact restrictions on the SHPO, there aren't many that get to family courts and SS win. But it's the long process getting there!
it's so hard!
We are on a safety plan and agreed to do supervised contact (no sentencing yet) and I know that it's all just voluntary and recommendations. We've never broke it as we want to play by the letter right now of course.
I think in your circumstance, if you were only n a plan that's not a court order one - I'd be tempted to do the unsupervised etc however... I don't know if SS found out he'd moved back in or done unsupervised they would then say you're not being a protective mother and escalate your case?
like Lee has said on various threads, if there are no contact restrictions on the SHPO, there aren't many that get to family courts and SS win. But it's the long process getting there!
it's so hard!
Green - I'm not an expert like Lee! (Love them !) however, I do believe that depending on what agreement you have with SS, most are recommendations - not enforceable.
We are on a safety plan and agreed to do supervised contact (no sentencing yet) and I know that it's all just voluntary and recommendations. We've never broke it as we want to play by the letter right now of course.
I think in your circumstance, if you were only n a plan that's not a court order one - I'd be tempted to do the unsupervised etc however... I don't know if SS found out he'd moved back in or done unsupervised they would then say you're not being a protective mother and escalate your case?
like Lee has said on various threads, if there are no contact restrictions on the SHPO, there aren't many that get to family courts and SS win. But it's the long process getting there!
it's so hard!
We are on a safety plan and agreed to do supervised contact (no sentencing yet) and I know that it's all just voluntary and recommendations. We've never broke it as we want to play by the letter right now of course.
I think in your circumstance, if you were only n a plan that's not a court order one - I'd be tempted to do the unsupervised etc however... I don't know if SS found out he'd moved back in or done unsupervised they would then say you're not being a protective mother and escalate your case?
like Lee has said on various threads, if there are no contact restrictions on the SHPO, there aren't many that get to family courts and SS win. But it's the long process getting there!
it's so hard!