Will me sticking by him be worth it
Notifications OFF
I am starting to struggle more and more with each day that passes.
I decided to stick by him, to keep things going and make sure we still have our home and we are not behind bills and the loan he took for his car is payed so he wont have to worry about anything while in prison.
But I started doubting my decision, I am afraid that he won't appreciate what I am doing and once he is out he is just gonna leave me... sounds like I don't have faith in him but its not that... everyone is just telling me to be prepared that he will be a different person and he might not have the same feelings towards me and I should be sure that in the worst case scenario I am prepared to move on after I would of wasted a year an a half (if he gets out eary) or neary 3 years waiting on someone who doesn't appreciate me, who doesn't want me.
I am worried and I keep overthinking this. The overthinking is not helping me at all as I keep crying constantly.
I decided to stick by him, to keep things going and make sure we still have our home and we are not behind bills and the loan he took for his car is payed so he wont have to worry about anything while in prison.
But I started doubting my decision, I am afraid that he won't appreciate what I am doing and once he is out he is just gonna leave me... sounds like I don't have faith in him but its not that... everyone is just telling me to be prepared that he will be a different person and he might not have the same feelings towards me and I should be sure that in the worst case scenario I am prepared to move on after I would of wasted a year an a half (if he gets out eary) or neary 3 years waiting on someone who doesn't appreciate me, who doesn't want me.
I am worried and I keep overthinking this. The overthinking is not helping me at all as I keep crying constantly.
Bless you, you really don't deserve to be feeling like this or going through this. Think about the flip side, you might, in a few months have a change in heart and decide actually you want different. Even out of this situation the future is never guaranteed. Try to focus on yourself, do things you enjoy and make the most of each day without worrying about the future. Take each day at a time and think about how you feel and what you want. You don't owe your partner loyalty or support, that is something we choose to offer and sometimes, if it's not reciprocated or appreciated we have to withdraw both of those things. Sending big hugs xxx
I would imagine now is not the time to make big decisions like this. You've just had a awful time and his sentence was a shock.
I see the other ladies who have partners here taking things slowly and advising to look after yourself for a while.
Maybe try to take things one at a time. Get through each hour and try to get in touch with your partners prison rather than thinking long term xx
In not an expert in any way, but this is some of the advice that I see here from the amazing women xx
I see the other ladies who have partners here taking things slowly and advising to look after yourself for a while.
Maybe try to take things one at a time. Get through each hour and try to get in touch with your partners prison rather than thinking long term xx
In not an expert in any way, but this is some of the advice that I see here from the amazing women xx
Tryign to get in touch with his prison is more of a headache and is adding to the stress...
I wish I had the time to focus on myself, I have to worry about having a roof over my head and our dogs are propery cared for.
I am not mentallay nor emotionally ready to get back to work, but the more income I lose the worse is gonna be down the line.
I wish I had the time to focus on myself, I have to worry about having a roof over my head and our dogs are propery cared for.
I am not mentallay nor emotionally ready to get back to work, but the more income I lose the worse is gonna be down the line.
As others have said, you are still in a great shock so now probably isn't the time to make any decisions. It sounds like you've gone into full on practical mode, which I can understand but it also then starts throwing up lots of questions.
Focus on the small steps, what needs to happen now, what decisions you need to make now ( and that doesn't mean you have to continue with that decision). I certainly wouldn't be thinking beyond getting hold of your person and discussing whether or not you both want to do something about the sentencing.
You mentioned having to wait 8 weeks for Find a Prisoner to contact you. I used this service and it was 2 to 3 weeks. You will be worrying greatly about his welfare I'm sure, but whilst he may be in shock they will look after him. He will more than likely go into isolation because of covid for a week or so. It too almost a week to hear from my person.
In regards to sentencing, my person received 40 months for 1 conversation with 1 person (decoy), no other offences or evidence to suggest he had a sexual interest in children.
It's hard, but really try hard to focus on the immediate you will tie yourself in knots trying to think too far ahead. It's hard to imagine but some how, you do begin to cope better. Things will happen that will make some days and weeks harder, but slowly you start to see and process things, you aren't constantly questioning yourself or the future, trying to answer questions that noone can never answer. I do have a huge amount it sympathy, I have days like this - It's very likely both he and I will be different people when he's out, but I don't know that for sure, equally we could both be different but it be better.
Focus on the small steps, what needs to happen now, what decisions you need to make now ( and that doesn't mean you have to continue with that decision). I certainly wouldn't be thinking beyond getting hold of your person and discussing whether or not you both want to do something about the sentencing.
You mentioned having to wait 8 weeks for Find a Prisoner to contact you. I used this service and it was 2 to 3 weeks. You will be worrying greatly about his welfare I'm sure, but whilst he may be in shock they will look after him. He will more than likely go into isolation because of covid for a week or so. It too almost a week to hear from my person.
In regards to sentencing, my person received 40 months for 1 conversation with 1 person (decoy), no other offences or evidence to suggest he had a sexual interest in children.
It's hard, but really try hard to focus on the immediate you will tie yourself in knots trying to think too far ahead. It's hard to imagine but some how, you do begin to cope better. Things will happen that will make some days and weeks harder, but slowly you start to see and process things, you aren't constantly questioning yourself or the future, trying to answer questions that noone can never answer. I do have a huge amount it sympathy, I have days like this - It's very likely both he and I will be different people when he's out, but I don't know that for sure, equally we could both be different but it be better.
SAL I am so sorry that you have to go through this as well. 40 months muat have been a huge shock for the both of you. Sending lots of love and hugs and I really hope you are doing well and moving forward.
I have to think practical because if his grandparents end up sick or worse I need to have a plan in place. However all of you are right, I should not panic and think that much ahead and just take it a day at a time, especially that for now I still have extra help and support from them.
I have to think practical because if his grandparents end up sick or worse I need to have a plan in place. However all of you are right, I should not panic and think that much ahead and just take it a day at a time, especially that for now I still have extra help and support from them.