Struggling with restrictions
Notifications OFF
We are a month post sentencing, suspended, SOR and SHPO is internet only. SS case closed with no restrictions.
however it seems that the SOR comes with its own restrictions anyway so he might as well have had contact restrictions. Originally he was told he only needs to disclose if spending over 12 hours at one address, 12 hours in company of a child and if spending 7 nights away from home (either together or spread out).
But after probation visit he has been told that if he is to be near a child he needs to notify parents in advance, and police will then ring parents to ensure they have been told the truth, before deciding if he is allowed near then.
also if he sleeps away from his home even for one night he needs to update register at station in advance. We have a caravan, small site no polices and if he wants to stay there police will ring and ask for policies, and dates have to be given in advance.
he isn't allowed to watch our childrens netball, without disclosing to all parents first , even though it is outside in public place with other adults, yet supposedly no contact restrictions.
my kids can never have friends round not even for tea.
Is everyone else post sentancing feeling like they are living a sentence? I thought id feel better but I actually feel worse: I feel like we've had no support or guidance of what to expect from professionals and too many mixed messages. Was I a fool to think we can/could live a normal life post sentencing? By the time he comes off sor our kids will be around adulthood. I am so so upset x
however it seems that the SOR comes with its own restrictions anyway so he might as well have had contact restrictions. Originally he was told he only needs to disclose if spending over 12 hours at one address, 12 hours in company of a child and if spending 7 nights away from home (either together or spread out).
But after probation visit he has been told that if he is to be near a child he needs to notify parents in advance, and police will then ring parents to ensure they have been told the truth, before deciding if he is allowed near then.
also if he sleeps away from his home even for one night he needs to update register at station in advance. We have a caravan, small site no polices and if he wants to stay there police will ring and ask for policies, and dates have to be given in advance.
he isn't allowed to watch our childrens netball, without disclosing to all parents first , even though it is outside in public place with other adults, yet supposedly no contact restrictions.
my kids can never have friends round not even for tea.
Is everyone else post sentancing feeling like they are living a sentence? I thought id feel better but I actually feel worse: I feel like we've had no support or guidance of what to expect from professionals and too many mixed messages. Was I a fool to think we can/could live a normal life post sentencing? By the time he comes off sor our kids will be around adulthood. I am so so upset x
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Some of this sounds very extreme.. I hope some of the others can give you advice here and you can query some of this. X
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That doesn't sound right to me either. The SOR restrictions are standard and the same for everyone. The only difference is if you are of no fixed abode, when you have to notify weekly.
SHPO restrictions are specific to the individual but if they are Internet only, I don't see how probation or visor can impose harsher restrictions.
Definitely talk to Unlock and maybe your solicitor?
SHPO restrictions are specific to the individual but if they are Internet only, I don't see how probation or visor can impose harsher restrictions.
Definitely talk to Unlock and maybe your solicitor?
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Thanks all, I was beginning to think I had misunderstood everything.
So it was the risk manager (police - assuming this is what some call the visor manager) and probation he had a joint appointment with where they bombarded him with all this info which had never been mentioned before, for 2 hours!
he put my address down as place he stays overnight and spends more than 12 hours at so it means he either stays at mine or his right? But they have made him go to the station and give them the list of dates he wants to stay at mine in advance!
So it was the risk manager (police - assuming this is what some call the visor manager) and probation he had a joint appointment with where they bombarded him with all this info which had never been mentioned before, for 2 hours!
he put my address down as place he stays overnight and spends more than 12 hours at so it means he either stays at mine or his right? But they have made him go to the station and give them the list of dates he wants to stay at mine in advance!
Hi Lee. Yes that's right. He has his house and stays at mine and that's what he put down on SOR. It's my choice as I don't want him back full time yet, lots to work on in our relationship, I don't want to make any final decisions yet. I know we are post sentencing but we were really quick so it's only been 9 months from start to finish. Closed to SS, they asked me if I was letting him move back in so no concerns!
low risk from probation. I will get him to phone unlock thanks x
low risk from probation. I will get him to phone unlock thanks x
Oh and yes SHPO is internet based only - not deleting history etc x
So classed as low risk by po but still saying all this ?? Makes no sense. Definitely ring unlock and see what they say but he can be open and transparent with them without all the stupidity they have come our with. I think it's because they don't know him yet and hopefully over time it will calm down but they also need to realise that the things they have said are not realistic or part of his conditions ( which are what they follow!) and they can't add more onto it!! The courts decision is the final word! Let us know how it goes as we are seeing this happening more and more these days.
So sorry to hear all this, especially since your partner has no contact restrictions. The PO and police visor both seem OTT but they do t this much say at all. The restrictions and registration requirements are very much in black and white- they should not be adding more on and if they were really that concerned they should surely wait for an assessment to be completed and then go to the courts to request changes.
Defo go to unlock, sent the PO any web links on the matter (or in writing info from unlock) to show they are over stepping. Perhaps may need to go over their head and ask to speak to their manager. It is a shame that so early in from sentencing you are struggling to make a managable relationship with the PO and visor.
I got on on with the PO and the police liaison is fine as she is to the point. Not that they will ever be like friends ofc but it makes life so much easier if you all know where you stand.
Defo go to unlock, sent the PO any web links on the matter (or in writing info from unlock) to show they are over stepping. Perhaps may need to go over their head and ask to speak to their manager. It is a shame that so early in from sentencing you are struggling to make a managable relationship with the PO and visor.
I got on on with the PO and the police liaison is fine as she is to the point. Not that they will ever be like friends ofc but it makes life so much easier if you all know where you stand.
Sorry to hear your struggerling :( seems like they try everything to make things difficult . Why can't you have a child round for tea if he's not living at the address . This is what worries me if we ever get though this how can my daughter not have her friends round of he's not here I don't know how I cloud make excuses for 5 /7 years or forever . It's hard enough this year she's always asking and I make up silly excuses xx
Sorry to hear your struggerling :( seems like they try everything to make things difficult . Why can't you have a child round for tea if he's not living at the address . This is what worries me if we ever get though this how can my daughter not have her friends round of he's not here I don't know how I cloud make excuses for 5 /7 years or forever . It's hard enough this year she's always asking and I make up silly excuses xx
Hi Jayjay, this is what we have been told too and are living by. My son was 16 at the time of his offences but has since turned 18. No SHPO restrictions on contact, all internet, but previously we were told he was not allowed contact with under 16 without disclosure so no family occasions where children could be present, and if we came into contact with people we knew unless we disclosed we needed to ignore them and walk away. Now he's turned 18, they have raised this to 18. It was removed by the Judge as it was felt it would be unmanageable for me with my youngest son, not proportionate and not fair on my youngest but we have to live by it anyway.
when questioned, we were told it doesn't matter what was said in court, I'm your law now.
It's a good job he decided not to go for an age 16 apprenticeship because as soon as he had turned 18 we were told if he had he would have either needed to have quit, or police would have disclosed to all parents of other 16 year olds that he could have been working with and that they would have questioned whether they were happy for their child to be in the working presence of a sex offender. If they had said yes thwy would then be referred to social services under CPP and they would then be investigated
when questioned, we were told it doesn't matter what was said in court, I'm your law now.
It's a good job he decided not to go for an age 16 apprenticeship because as soon as he had turned 18 we were told if he had he would have either needed to have quit, or police would have disclosed to all parents of other 16 year olds that he could have been working with and that they would have questioned whether they were happy for their child to be in the working presence of a sex offender. If they had said yes thwy would then be referred to social services under CPP and they would then be investigated
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Hi Smile, I have just mentioned you in the Home Visits post.
hope you're doing okay, and when he is home, as you can see from me whilst there will be wobbles, we will plod on. My son is about to go through as ASD diagnosis too after having his assessment.
Xx
hope you're doing okay, and when he is home, as you can see from me whilst there will be wobbles, we will plod on. My son is about to go through as ASD diagnosis too after having his assessment.
Xx
I like the diary idea smile, for someone who may need that extra but help. It is scary and im hoping it will get easier in time.
I think it's just about being prepared and thinking about every scenario in advance, I'm yet to meet his mosovo officer, although we have spoken on the phone and by email, very hard to get hold of, I struggle that we can't just have a list of does/donts - they said each scenario needs discussed on an individual basis, however most things we've discussed she's said it's not worth going/doing. Being in our own bubble has its pros and cons x
I think it's just about being prepared and thinking about every scenario in advance, I'm yet to meet his mosovo officer, although we have spoken on the phone and by email, very hard to get hold of, I struggle that we can't just have a list of does/donts - they said each scenario needs discussed on an individual basis, however most things we've discussed she's said it's not worth going/doing. Being in our own bubble has its pros and cons x
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Oh, I'm so sorry I'm only just replying to this. How are you coping, Smile? Sending you lots of love and care. Not going through the same scenario but when he's released, I hope it goes well for him. What a path we have to navigate, all with so many different scenarios but all going through similar feelings x
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Hi,
I realise this post was back in July, however your restrictions sound similar to my husbands. Extremely restrictive, not allowed to be with anyone under 18 without patents being aware and that said parents have notified SS. Yeah right like anyone would willingly contact SS!
So as it stands as a family we can't go anywhere where they may be anyone under 18, wedding, christening, BBQ, party....anything.
As it is for 10 years I will not be able to spend Christmas or celebrations with extended family!
My husband said he may as well have been sent to prison!
Cornish Tea xx
I realise this post was back in July, however your restrictions sound similar to my husbands. Extremely restrictive, not allowed to be with anyone under 18 without patents being aware and that said parents have notified SS. Yeah right like anyone would willingly contact SS!
So as it stands as a family we can't go anywhere where they may be anyone under 18, wedding, christening, BBQ, party....anything.
As it is for 10 years I will not be able to spend Christmas or celebrations with extended family!
My husband said he may as well have been sent to prison!
Cornish Tea xx
cornish tea were in the same boat . Internet only rescrisctions. Yes visors and probation basilcy say he can't go anywere parks field . Toys shops. Anywere that under 18s may be anywere we go in they have children full disclosure ect . How do we get them to back of or understand these are unreasonable without causing issues . Solicitor said the words on the shpo say without a reason so the reason to be at these places will be because of the children . Solicitor says he can come home ect and can lead daily life normally but it's all about of a mess at the moment xxx
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Yes I feel like they want it to be do bad that we leave them and they have nothing . My other half old them he might aswell be in prison because it's basilcy the same can't leave the house . Yet the house might even be safe xxx