Torn in two
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We got the knock last October for my son 18 at the time. All devices seized but no arrest, heard nothing til a voluntary interview in April. They said it was a small case 1 folder found with a handful of images.
Fastforward to yesterday and plea hearing (guilty plea) 146 items Cat A,B and C age range approximately 10-15 year olds. Magistrates have passed it over to crown and he has to sign the SOR and has unconditional bail.
Telling his Dad was the hardest part, having half the house smashed to peices was kind of expected. Dad wants son out of our home and lives, he wants us and our 2 other teenage boys as far away from this as possible, i need to find an exchange far from where we are now and we're to cut all ties to friends and family. He said it will all come out, the town we live in has an online news forum and they spend most days sat at the crown court my son is due to go to and if not that way it'll be from probation or community service someone will find out (if he is lucky not to receive a custodial sentence).
Our sons can't have friends or girlfriends over. For their sakes how can we ever let this become public. I work in a school, who wouldn't complain about someone living with a convicted offender.
My son has changed his life for the better and I genuinely believe he didn't know there was that many images on his phone. He definitely looked shocked, he has said all along that they looked over 16 and he never went searching for anything just stumbled across it on a gaming group on telegram and the links kept getting sent about and eventually he saved what he thought was a few items but ended up being more. They read out a description from one video ( I believe it was the worst to make a point) but my son said he hadn't watched it he didn't recognise the title but was told its there on your phone we don't have to prove you have watched it they only had to prove he had it.
If we turn our back on him ( I don't want to but I want to do what's right for my other 2 sons) what will happen to him, he has a good job but for how long and for him to move away would mean losing that job and having nothing. I have no idea what to do or how to do it.
I just don't get why the police have played it down so much we have been moving forward started to rebuild our lives.
I genuinely fear for my son, how my partner will react to it all coming out.
Fastforward to yesterday and plea hearing (guilty plea) 146 items Cat A,B and C age range approximately 10-15 year olds. Magistrates have passed it over to crown and he has to sign the SOR and has unconditional bail.
Telling his Dad was the hardest part, having half the house smashed to peices was kind of expected. Dad wants son out of our home and lives, he wants us and our 2 other teenage boys as far away from this as possible, i need to find an exchange far from where we are now and we're to cut all ties to friends and family. He said it will all come out, the town we live in has an online news forum and they spend most days sat at the crown court my son is due to go to and if not that way it'll be from probation or community service someone will find out (if he is lucky not to receive a custodial sentence).
Our sons can't have friends or girlfriends over. For their sakes how can we ever let this become public. I work in a school, who wouldn't complain about someone living with a convicted offender.
My son has changed his life for the better and I genuinely believe he didn't know there was that many images on his phone. He definitely looked shocked, he has said all along that they looked over 16 and he never went searching for anything just stumbled across it on a gaming group on telegram and the links kept getting sent about and eventually he saved what he thought was a few items but ended up being more. They read out a description from one video ( I believe it was the worst to make a point) but my son said he hadn't watched it he didn't recognise the title but was told its there on your phone we don't have to prove you have watched it they only had to prove he had it.
If we turn our back on him ( I don't want to but I want to do what's right for my other 2 sons) what will happen to him, he has a good job but for how long and for him to move away would mean losing that job and having nothing. I have no idea what to do or how to do it.
I just don't get why the police have played it down so much we have been moving forward started to rebuild our lives.
I genuinely fear for my son, how my partner will react to it all coming out.
Hi Torn in Two
I am so sorry you find yourself in this position. After reading your post a couple of things I thought of that may help you, your son and family.
How old are your other two sons, if they are under 18 years old you could ask your solicitor to request to the crown court that your son's case does not hit the media to protect them from the genral public knowing. This is only a request and the judge could decide not to grant this request anyway, but it could be worth a try - some members on here have been sucessful with this. However, as your son has been already to magistrates his case could hit the media at anytime with details of what happened at magistrates.
Has your son spoke with Stop it Now at all? If not, it may be good for him to. It may be good for you too to speak with them, as you are trying to make sense with all that has happened.
Unfortunately, I am not surprised that you felt the police played it all down and now you find your son is off to crown court. For many people on this forum it is a learning journey too about the police and how they are only interested in securing a convinction but at the same time they appear to come across that they care which leads you into a false sense of security - I hope this makes sense.
I am sure other members on here will reply soon with lots of information and support which could help you.
Try and take one day at a time and look after yourself the best you can. x
I am so sorry you find yourself in this position. After reading your post a couple of things I thought of that may help you, your son and family.
How old are your other two sons, if they are under 18 years old you could ask your solicitor to request to the crown court that your son's case does not hit the media to protect them from the genral public knowing. This is only a request and the judge could decide not to grant this request anyway, but it could be worth a try - some members on here have been sucessful with this. However, as your son has been already to magistrates his case could hit the media at anytime with details of what happened at magistrates.
Has your son spoke with Stop it Now at all? If not, it may be good for him to. It may be good for you too to speak with them, as you are trying to make sense with all that has happened.
Unfortunately, I am not surprised that you felt the police played it all down and now you find your son is off to crown court. For many people on this forum it is a learning journey too about the police and how they are only interested in securing a convinction but at the same time they appear to come across that they care which leads you into a false sense of security - I hope this makes sense.
I am sure other members on here will reply soon with lots of information and support which could help you.
Try and take one day at a time and look after yourself the best you can. x
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So sorry to read your journey and how difficult it has been for you and the rest of your family
It is my son who has offended and he received a custodial sentance:-(
You have to do what is right for you all
My choice was never going to be anything other than be there for my son but that is my own decision
He has lost so much and it has been a lengthy investigation over 2 years
It would be really beneficial to contact the LFF just for some support
Hugs sent xx
So sorry to read your journey and how difficult it has been for you and the rest of your family
It is my son who has offended and he received a custodial sentance:-(
You have to do what is right for you all
My choice was never going to be anything other than be there for my son but that is my own decision
He has lost so much and it has been a lengthy investigation over 2 years
It would be really beneficial to contact the LFF just for some support
Hugs sent xx
I dont want to turn my back and leave my son but having 2 other boys 16 and 13 I fear what they will go through, I cant help but think of the consequences families have to face because of the actions of 1.
I love my son and my heart is breaking, we know his life is going to be hard and he will most likely have restrictions imposed on him for a long time. I just don't want my other 2 to have to face any of it. I get why things get released to public but I can't figure why that's fair on the non offending family members.
I keep making excuses as to why my 16 year olds girlfriend can't come round for dinner and spend the evening with us before he had ro sign the SOR and now he has to its just going to get harder.
I'm tired and scared, naivety to the severity of things and the fact Cps took 4 months to charge has left us in a whole new level of shock.
Im trying to find a good solicitor at a reasonable price to help as the paperwork from the voluntary interview states half the amount of pics as what his charge is for.
I dont know how to feel or support but I do know I'm very much alone in this as it's put a massive strain between me and my husband and he is just angry
I love my son and my heart is breaking, we know his life is going to be hard and he will most likely have restrictions imposed on him for a long time. I just don't want my other 2 to have to face any of it. I get why things get released to public but I can't figure why that's fair on the non offending family members.
I keep making excuses as to why my 16 year olds girlfriend can't come round for dinner and spend the evening with us before he had ro sign the SOR and now he has to its just going to get harder.
I'm tired and scared, naivety to the severity of things and the fact Cps took 4 months to charge has left us in a whole new level of shock.
Im trying to find a good solicitor at a reasonable price to help as the paperwork from the voluntary interview states half the amount of pics as what his charge is for.
I dont know how to feel or support but I do know I'm very much alone in this as it's put a massive strain between me and my husband and he is just angry
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I'm waiting for 3 solicitors to call me back but seems the ones who specialise in indecent images don't offer legal aid and think it would be best to stick with a specialist and find the money.
The duty solicitor said the police don't need to prove that he actually watched the videos only that he had them on his phone.
Lockdown really screwed my happy, sociable kind boy. He lost his job then spent all his time gaming in his room after the first few weeks and then didn't adjust to the new normal. Hated leaving the house and going to college split from his girlfriend and barely left his room. Not for 1 second did we think he was doing anything but playing COD and Fifa, but he joined several telegram gaming groups and that's where the images had come from. He never had any active searches (confirmed by police) but had followed a link that notified them. Im still unsure as to how, I cant even search up underwear on the WiFi with the child security setting on.
Dad wants advice from solicitor and all police and court reports, we will be making a plea to have his name and address out of the media to protect 16 and 13 year old brothers fingrrs crossed that will be successful.
Just trying to make sense of the situation is unbelievably hard x
The duty solicitor said the police don't need to prove that he actually watched the videos only that he had them on his phone.
Lockdown really screwed my happy, sociable kind boy. He lost his job then spent all his time gaming in his room after the first few weeks and then didn't adjust to the new normal. Hated leaving the house and going to college split from his girlfriend and barely left his room. Not for 1 second did we think he was doing anything but playing COD and Fifa, but he joined several telegram gaming groups and that's where the images had come from. He never had any active searches (confirmed by police) but had followed a link that notified them. Im still unsure as to how, I cant even search up underwear on the WiFi with the child security setting on.
Dad wants advice from solicitor and all police and court reports, we will be making a plea to have his name and address out of the media to protect 16 and 13 year old brothers fingrrs crossed that will be successful.
Just trying to make sense of the situation is unbelievably hard x
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Your points raised are so valid Daffodil - I'm convinced by son dug himself into one big hole and once in, he was too nieve to get out the mess. I wouldn't be one bit suprised if he was charged for stuff he didn't do.
it's heartbreaking!
it's heartbreaking!