Pressure and guilt
Notifications OFF
My partner has been remanded. Their crimes happened prior to us knowing each other. They slowly revealed to me the truths about an investigation / bail relating to indecent images whilst the relationship developed. I chose to stick around. I kept it quiet and tried my best to just remind myself that they are not a monster, and that it is okay because they didn't do the crimes whilst I was with them and they were being closely monitored. They were very open and honest, and transparent with me when I had questions and I could tell there was no lies. Now he's been remanded, I'm here alone in the flat we used to share. Friends have seen news articles and have started to mention how disgusting they find them, and how they don't understand that I 'stuck' around. They all assume I'm going to leave the relationship and start a fresh without them. I am TORN because I want my friends to stand by me, but I feel this huge pressure to leave when my whole body and mind is telling me to stay put. I have built a life with this person, we've discussed marriage and family. I truly don't believe they'd be a threat to any children physically, especially not their own. They are the person I love and I can't see past it. Am I delusional for wanting to see it through?
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Hi Queenie, I can't tell from your post if your partner has been sentenced beforehand. Was he in a SHPO and on the SOR?
I met my partner while he was under investigation. I didn't run away but kept some distance at first. I decided to stick around because he was remorseful, was undergoing rehabilitation and was open to me about the offending he had done and he allowed me to be informed of the investigation.
It is now three years post sentencing- and it is tough but doable. None of my friends know and I hope they never do, I know they would not be happy and also expect me to leave.
I note you want children - this is tricky with a child sex offender. Social services will be involved and I think they can be involved even after a sentence is spent. I was told by the probation officer that if we had children my partner would not be allowed to live at home for the first year....
Have you read up on the reasons and triggers for offending? If you want children (and to support your partner) i recommend working on safeguarding awareness.
No one can make you make a decision either way. I'm too involved now with my partner, love him and live together. I have made my peace, but for me if he reoffends I will be leaving him.
I met my partner while he was under investigation. I didn't run away but kept some distance at first. I decided to stick around because he was remorseful, was undergoing rehabilitation and was open to me about the offending he had done and he allowed me to be informed of the investigation.
It is now three years post sentencing- and it is tough but doable. None of my friends know and I hope they never do, I know they would not be happy and also expect me to leave.
I note you want children - this is tricky with a child sex offender. Social services will be involved and I think they can be involved even after a sentence is spent. I was told by the probation officer that if we had children my partner would not be allowed to live at home for the first year....
Have you read up on the reasons and triggers for offending? If you want children (and to support your partner) i recommend working on safeguarding awareness.
No one can make you make a decision either way. I'm too involved now with my partner, love him and live together. I have made my peace, but for me if he reoffends I will be leaving him.