17months an no progress
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Hi all,
I followed this page religiously for about 6 months after the knock, since then I have left for the sake of my mental health. My husband of 9years and partner of 20 was arrested for illegal images. After bail tried to commit suicide. Has now been released under investigation.
17months later they do not have what they want. Technology had broken, covid has caused a backlog etc....... he keeps being fobbed off.
I stayed with him for a year. Purely for the sake of our children however 6 months ago we separated as I couldn't bear the wait, suspense or the not actually knowing what he had done. My mental health has suffered. I never had any mental health issues previously, now I can barely function or put one foot in front of the other. Although he has admitted a porn addiction for 4 years that I didn't know about. I feel like the police and social services dropped a bombshell into our lives and Ken care about the consequences but im sure will wade back in when they feel like it.
Two summers this has ruined and probably 2 christmases. How much longer am I expected to be out through this. It's torture
I followed this page religiously for about 6 months after the knock, since then I have left for the sake of my mental health. My husband of 9years and partner of 20 was arrested for illegal images. After bail tried to commit suicide. Has now been released under investigation.
17months later they do not have what they want. Technology had broken, covid has caused a backlog etc....... he keeps being fobbed off.
I stayed with him for a year. Purely for the sake of our children however 6 months ago we separated as I couldn't bear the wait, suspense or the not actually knowing what he had done. My mental health has suffered. I never had any mental health issues previously, now I can barely function or put one foot in front of the other. Although he has admitted a porn addiction for 4 years that I didn't know about. I feel like the police and social services dropped a bombshell into our lives and Ken care about the consequences but im sure will wade back in when they feel like it.
Two summers this has ruined and probably 2 christmases. How much longer am I expected to be out through this. It's torture
Hi Starry, your post title jumped out at me as we've also been waiting 17 months with no progress - had the knock in March 2021.
I can relate to the feelings of two summers being ruined, and probably two Christmas's too. And the knowing that the police and SS will be back in my life at some point with no consideration for the damage done to mine or my children's lives in waiting such a long time. Yes they need to face consequences of their actions, but my god the process and the time it all takes just feels so inhumane.
Sorry I've got no advice I'm afraid, but just wanted to show solidarity and that you're not alone x
I can relate to the feelings of two summers being ruined, and probably two Christmas's too. And the knowing that the police and SS will be back in my life at some point with no consideration for the damage done to mine or my children's lives in waiting such a long time. Yes they need to face consequences of their actions, but my god the process and the time it all takes just feels so inhumane.
Sorry I've got no advice I'm afraid, but just wanted to show solidarity and that you're not alone x
Ah thank you for replying, it's insane! It's like they are happy to drop a bombshell into our lives with little care for the impact this has had on our lives. I do not want to get back together with him but I feel like we have stood little chance with the timescale and not knowing what is happening. My children now have separated parents. A mother who can barely function and a father who is functioning fairly normally because he has out it all in a box in his head like he did his addiction in the first place. It's just cruel
Sorry to hear it's been so long it's bloody awful . Mines just over a year and I cannot cope a minate longer . I feel it will be worse for me if I stand by him them we will all be targeted . I have the same thoughts one day I'm like screw what everyone thinks try and have a good day the next second I'm like omg this is real . All friends and family will know I won't be able to walk to street to anything normal as a family . Not knowing what way it will go . With work money house any thing everything it's all to much . I havnt said a work in hope my family would never know and I don't have to bring them all upset but then I think there going to be so mad I have lied all this time ect :( social services don't care about our wel being and I'm unsure if they care about looking after the children . Because surley they should be talking to us . They don't know we're capable of looking after the children properly with all this going on . Ino were all doing amazing jobs but we're all left depressed no money ect they don't check that the children have money for food ect they just care about making sure our monster partners don't come near xxx
I totally get it.
I stayed with my husband for a year but in the end I hated him for everything he has put us through as a family.
I just cannot get my head around why he would ruin the lives of our children.
I have lovely support from friends thinking we have split because we are not getting on, part of me separated as I am not going to be tarnished with his brush if this gets out. I will need all the support I can get and I reckon people will run a mile if they knew.
My husband has an extremely good job and here's me struggling to do nice things with the kids as my wages don't allow it!
Some days I think f**k this I'm couldn't care less what he's done and other days I can barely get out of bed and function for the children. I am not strong. I have lost everything I thought I had. Friendship, memories and security.
Social services have discharged us after the knock but I know they will be back but if I'm honest I'm begrudged to work with them as after nearly 2 years they think they can come back in and screw me over again when I have Tried my hardest to keep going.
When my world fell apart there was no option but to hold it together for everyone else, especially my children. Who was supporting me. No one xx
I stayed with my husband for a year but in the end I hated him for everything he has put us through as a family.
I just cannot get my head around why he would ruin the lives of our children.
I have lovely support from friends thinking we have split because we are not getting on, part of me separated as I am not going to be tarnished with his brush if this gets out. I will need all the support I can get and I reckon people will run a mile if they knew.
My husband has an extremely good job and here's me struggling to do nice things with the kids as my wages don't allow it!
Some days I think f**k this I'm couldn't care less what he's done and other days I can barely get out of bed and function for the children. I am not strong. I have lost everything I thought I had. Friendship, memories and security.
Social services have discharged us after the knock but I know they will be back but if I'm honest I'm begrudged to work with them as after nearly 2 years they think they can come back in and screw me over again when I have Tried my hardest to keep going.
When my world fell apart there was no option but to hold it together for everyone else, especially my children. Who was supporting me. No one xx
Hi Starry .... I disagree with you ... you are DEFINITELY strong! You are still here, you function for your kids because you have to and you love them and that's what mothers do, even though some days we feel we can't do this anymore, we do because we are all strong.
you sound like you doing an amazing job, do what feels right for you and your family and nobody else.
It's disgusting that police make people wait so long, life on hold. Our story was relatively quick compared to most peoples even though it didn't feel like it for me. I contacted the oic and told her I was struggling with waiting any longer, that my life was falling apart, I needed structure for the children and if he could do anything to push the case faster I would appreciate it etc etc and thanked them for the job they do (sweetener) and they prioritised us otherwise I think we'd still be waiting for devices to be checked!
good luck and keep your chin up lovely x
you sound like you doing an amazing job, do what feels right for you and your family and nobody else.
It's disgusting that police make people wait so long, life on hold. Our story was relatively quick compared to most peoples even though it didn't feel like it for me. I contacted the oic and told her I was struggling with waiting any longer, that my life was falling apart, I needed structure for the children and if he could do anything to push the case faster I would appreciate it etc etc and thanked them for the job they do (sweetener) and they prioritised us otherwise I think we'd still be waiting for devices to be checked!
good luck and keep your chin up lovely x
Starry I'm sorry it's been so long for you and still nothing, but you are doing amazing. It was 20 months start to finish for us, and it was torturous. I would definitely try and chase someone about it, it's not fair for the police to keep people waiting so long, the anxiety is the worst bit and ruins peoples lives. You can't move on with your life until this is over. Let them know this. However, the length of the waiting ended up going in his favour a little. Because it was committed over 2 years ago and the laws have tightened since, so the judge took all of this into consideration.