Family and Friends Forum

This really does affect the whole family, I remember when my person was arrested and the police said to me "at least he hasn't murdered anyone" and I said that would of been easier to deal with! There needs to be more awareness of how this happens and to help prevent instead of basically tarnishing them all and getting no help. Would your husband not look into some counselling and looking into more trying to understand how his son ended up doing what he done? Sending lots of love to you xxx

Carmela I absolutely agree there needs to be more awareness but I suspect the police are happy with how things are because its far easier to arrest people "consuming" this material as its much easier for them than catching the people creating it. Then the arrest statistics make it look like they are doing something to stop child abuse, when if fact its just a conveyor belt of people out there creating the content or pretending to be children online on "adult" websites to hook the unsuspecting and the police are simply picking up those who download stuff or speak to the decoys.

I can't stand the decoy thing, is that entrapment, would they go around selling drugs?
Il add aswell, luckily we had good solicitors and barrister as we got some charges dropped as it was proven the police lied and when asked to produce evidence they didn't have it, my guess is if someone has 10 images it will be reported they have 100.
there are P words out there, and then there is this side which some people can't see the difference, It's just going to get worse more families destroyed until something is done but it's so taboo I don't know how that will happen

Bitterbean I agree with everything you said sorry went off on a tangent xx

Lots of love, Smile xxxx

Hello Smile,

I feel so sad for you and all the upset Mum's (and everyone else on this forum who are dealing with the situation). This definitely drills holes in family dynamics and I think men in particular have much more difficulty in coming to terms with what has happened, I have realised this in my own family and my husbands friends that the men are less if not totally against understanding and forgiveness than what women are. I still avoid talking to my brother as he has already expressed his thoughts via text and I don't feel strong enough yet to have the conversation I need to have with him. He chose not to send myself a photo of his new granddaughter, tbh he hasn't officially informed me of her existence. My husbands so called friends have abandoned him. We all know how our own emotions have played havoc with our mental health but the effect on a parent must be horrific. It does sound as if your OH needs counselling which could be accessed via your GP. As you say though he is of a generation that doesn't approve of it.
I know it isn't much help but the old cliche time is a great healer really does make sense. Your husband is still in shock and needs much longer to even start thinking how this is effecting you and your son. Keep strong and look after yourself.
Lots of love and virtual hugs. Xxxxx

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Smile, sorry I (accidentally) hijacked your post to express my outrage about the failure of the police to tackle this crime at the source.

It's good your OH has opened up and started talking about this, however upsetting it may be to hear his thoughts. Hearing and understanding is a stepping stone towards healing.

I was thinking there is no nuance in many people's minds about someone who commits these offences. I was thinking a good comparison could be, say "this person killed a dog". Different people might draw different inferences from this, the person may have killed the dog while driving when it ran out into the road, they may have inadvertently fed their pet something harmful, they may have been the vet who had to euthananase a seriously ill but much loved pet. Or they may have been an evil sadistic dog murderer, or someone who seriously neglected their pet. There are many different scenarios, but when it comes to Internet offending, the only scenario in many people's mind is that the person is sick and evil.

Afternoon Smile

First big hugs sent xx

You know we share the same emotions about our sons x

I dont have the worry of his father as there relationship was strained before this and now he wants nothing to do with my offending son and his brother and sister (I have a few choice words but I will refrain from using them) :-)

Unfortunately we cant change how others react to this but it amazes me as yes what he has done is so wrong but he is my son and nothing will ever make me walk away from him or until I take my last breath xx

Hi Smile x

Glad your a bit better today honestly this journey is so difficult, so many emotions, and the uncertainty for our sons futures x

We did we were delayed getting there due to bad traffic but we still had over an hour and half x

He is ok just waiting to get his antidepressants so fingers x they will help :-( xx

Daffodil you are right, unlike other crimes where you pay your debt to society through community service, rehab or doing time, the stink of this crime hangs around seemingly for the lifetime of the offender, and they are indeed perceived as evil and dangerous to society when in fact the primary cause of their crime is more often things like depression, porn addiction, drunkenness, haplessness or stupidity rather than a person with a genuine attraction to children.

Smile, if we in this group can see that these offenders are not evil, then surely there must be others out there who will be the same. I really don't want to be paranoid about other people's opinions and beliefs for ever