3rd Knock in 3 years!!
Notifications OFF
Hi all
This is only my 2nd time posting since this horrific experience started but I come on here nearly everyday reading everyone's stories and advice just so I don't feel so alone.
I thought I would share my story so far ...
1st Knock: June 19 - full on police search and they took everything even DVDs and music CDs. Police were awful and had no respect for me or my 3 children. I kicked my husband out and my children didn't see their dad for 12 months. Social services were not too bad but probably because I kicked him out. I decided not to tell the kids the truth but said he had been accused of internet fraud.
June 2020 a NFA came and all but 2 devices were returned. No images or chat found. Husband had admitted to police being on KIK (porn chat etc) and received a link with images but immediately deleted the app and phone had been sold due to an upgrade.
It took months of talking and re-introducing him back into our lives and home and I felt so guilty for the names I called him and isolating him. He eventually moved back in in December 2020.
2nd knock: June 2021 - this time the police turned up with a specialist team to do the device checks at the house. They were not concerned with the items that they had before. The dates of offence and the use of our internet did not tally up because my husband was not even in our house or area st the time and was working away. The police even decided to talk to my teenages and tell them that their dad was sexually interested in children and so they need to tell the truth. Obviously hearing this at 5.30am is massively distressing and they still have panic attacks over it. The police speak to me as if I condone it I'm somehow involved and that I am stupid. The police found nothing but took 2 phones, 1 was burnt out and smashed and laptop. Police were not discreet despite me asking them and telling them the impact this could have on my children. Their response was that they are saving my children from a prolific paedophile and that I should be more concerned about that.
Social service referral again but this time I said I'm not cutting him out like previously. He moved out and I was allowed to supervise visits. I remained cautious of my husband (no smoke without fire and lightning does strike twice and all that!) so I put measures in place when he visited like no phone or internet access without my presence and we had sky buddy installed. Laptop was returned 1 week later.
3rd knock - Feb 2022. The police again turned up at 5.30am but to their surprise he wasn't here .... obviously under police investigation and bail so he wouldn't be. They asked to see his devices but there wasn't any as expected. Dates of offence didn't tally up because we have sky buddy to track and monitor of sites visited. At this time they also disclosed that they had found over 150 images on his current phone. Still awaiting the They even said he had not been cooperative with giving passwords. He had been because I had seen the emails and had even given any passwords that I knew to them to use.
The police wanted me not to inform him of their visit until they could catch him but I told them I was unable to contain my anger and upset. They decided to ask him to attend the station instead.
At this point I cut him out and I have not seen him since and decided for a divorce. Only communication is via messages or emails regarding financial/house things. Social services were a nightmare.
He attended the station where he handed over his current items and had a 2nd interview. He said he couldn't deny the images on his phone were there because they found them but said it may have been from when he updated a phone from a back-up that was years old. No disclosure of which phone these were related to.
Week later laptop and phone returned but not the 2 items from 2nd knock. Bail extended.
June 2022 - out of the blue social services contacted me to say that the police had been in touch and they had dropped his bail and they had decided to caution him instead. Something around he not having access or proving he had access or owned the phone! After a very lengthy discussion I decided that I was going to stick with the no contact until I have that clarified. I contacted my (ex) husband and he had a different story that the investigation officer wanted to go with caution but the charging officer wanted it to go to CPS.
As of today it's still at CPS with the police suggesting a caution.
I have been to hell and back and everywhere in between. I am skint, tired and stressed and terrified for my Childrens future.
sorry for the very long post
This is only my 2nd time posting since this horrific experience started but I come on here nearly everyday reading everyone's stories and advice just so I don't feel so alone.
I thought I would share my story so far ...
1st Knock: June 19 - full on police search and they took everything even DVDs and music CDs. Police were awful and had no respect for me or my 3 children. I kicked my husband out and my children didn't see their dad for 12 months. Social services were not too bad but probably because I kicked him out. I decided not to tell the kids the truth but said he had been accused of internet fraud.
June 2020 a NFA came and all but 2 devices were returned. No images or chat found. Husband had admitted to police being on KIK (porn chat etc) and received a link with images but immediately deleted the app and phone had been sold due to an upgrade.
It took months of talking and re-introducing him back into our lives and home and I felt so guilty for the names I called him and isolating him. He eventually moved back in in December 2020.
2nd knock: June 2021 - this time the police turned up with a specialist team to do the device checks at the house. They were not concerned with the items that they had before. The dates of offence and the use of our internet did not tally up because my husband was not even in our house or area st the time and was working away. The police even decided to talk to my teenages and tell them that their dad was sexually interested in children and so they need to tell the truth. Obviously hearing this at 5.30am is massively distressing and they still have panic attacks over it. The police speak to me as if I condone it I'm somehow involved and that I am stupid. The police found nothing but took 2 phones, 1 was burnt out and smashed and laptop. Police were not discreet despite me asking them and telling them the impact this could have on my children. Their response was that they are saving my children from a prolific paedophile and that I should be more concerned about that.
Social service referral again but this time I said I'm not cutting him out like previously. He moved out and I was allowed to supervise visits. I remained cautious of my husband (no smoke without fire and lightning does strike twice and all that!) so I put measures in place when he visited like no phone or internet access without my presence and we had sky buddy installed. Laptop was returned 1 week later.
3rd knock - Feb 2022. The police again turned up at 5.30am but to their surprise he wasn't here .... obviously under police investigation and bail so he wouldn't be. They asked to see his devices but there wasn't any as expected. Dates of offence didn't tally up because we have sky buddy to track and monitor of sites visited. At this time they also disclosed that they had found over 150 images on his current phone. Still awaiting the They even said he had not been cooperative with giving passwords. He had been because I had seen the emails and had even given any passwords that I knew to them to use.
The police wanted me not to inform him of their visit until they could catch him but I told them I was unable to contain my anger and upset. They decided to ask him to attend the station instead.
At this point I cut him out and I have not seen him since and decided for a divorce. Only communication is via messages or emails regarding financial/house things. Social services were a nightmare.
He attended the station where he handed over his current items and had a 2nd interview. He said he couldn't deny the images on his phone were there because they found them but said it may have been from when he updated a phone from a back-up that was years old. No disclosure of which phone these were related to.
Week later laptop and phone returned but not the 2 items from 2nd knock. Bail extended.
June 2022 - out of the blue social services contacted me to say that the police had been in touch and they had dropped his bail and they had decided to caution him instead. Something around he not having access or proving he had access or owned the phone! After a very lengthy discussion I decided that I was going to stick with the no contact until I have that clarified. I contacted my (ex) husband and he had a different story that the investigation officer wanted to go with caution but the charging officer wanted it to go to CPS.
As of today it's still at CPS with the police suggesting a caution.
I have been to hell and back and everywhere in between. I am skint, tired and stressed and terrified for my Childrens future.
sorry for the very long post
Hi CBM,
I just wanted to reply and say I can't believe everything u have gone through and yet u r still standing, I feel like I've fell apart at the first time round, although I've told my hubby I won't stay a second time.
You are truly amazing person and don't beat yourself up love you are doing a grand job xx
I hope u are OK sending love and hugs to u, u brave lady xx
I just wanted to reply and say I can't believe everything u have gone through and yet u r still standing, I feel like I've fell apart at the first time round, although I've told my hubby I won't stay a second time.
You are truly amazing person and don't beat yourself up love you are doing a grand job xx
I hope u are OK sending love and hugs to u, u brave lady xx
Wow, just wow!!!
That is horrific, I hope you are getting some support and can come through this trauma without too much damage x
That is horrific, I hope you are getting some support and can come through this trauma without too much damage x
CBM wow I can't believe you hve been through all of this. Have you got someone you can talk to in person or having any therapy?
you will be ok from now on, do something nice for yourself no matter how small and never forget how amazing you are!
when you feel stronger please put a complaint in to the police about the way they have treated you and your children and the impact it's had on you all. Big big hugs x
you will be ok from now on, do something nice for yourself no matter how small and never forget how amazing you are!
when you feel stronger please put a complaint in to the police about the way they have treated you and your children and the impact it's had on you all. Big big hugs x
Post deleted
Hi CBM,
I'm absolutely appauled at the way you and your children have been treated. Reading your story really took me back to my knock - the Police were awful with me & the things that came out of their mouths were shocking. I hope you complain! Those kinds of Police are the scum of the Earth and the damage they do to us innocent family members is long lasting and huge.
BUNCH OF %#*!s
I hope you are able to move on and have some peace now, you absolutely deserve it and more. Sending love xx
I'm absolutely appauled at the way you and your children have been treated. Reading your story really took me back to my knock - the Police were awful with me & the things that came out of their mouths were shocking. I hope you complain! Those kinds of Police are the scum of the Earth and the damage they do to us innocent family members is long lasting and huge.
BUNCH OF %#*!s
I hope you are able to move on and have some peace now, you absolutely deserve it and more. Sending love xx