Moved....
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We have finally established regular contact with my partner. Daily calls, regular letters and emails, we booked the next 3 visits, we were really excited. Especially that we were gonna go to see him on his birthday and I could finally hug him
Thursday when I came back from work I got a phonecall from him in wich he said he was moved further up north.... I had a complete melt down. He was later allowed to make a longer phoncall but not much was discussed with us....
Yesterday we called over 20 times at his new prison, we started at 7am until 10 to 5 and we got no answer from the department we tried to desperately contact... I decided to change the options and finally go through to some lady that has tried to feed me some random excuse why that department wasn't picking up which I did not accept as someone should be on the phones given that they claim they are 24 hours she was then trying to tell me that they might have been on the phone with someone else but we even left mesages and we got nothing back... she was then shocked that for the whole day no one answered (I have no hope in this prison at all)
She managed to tell us that once again he will be going through induction for the next 7 day or so, even mentioned that she is not sure how long it will take, also we have to go through the whole process of waiting for his contacts list to be approved which can take a week or so and our visits cannot be booked by us at all, he has to book the visits via an online system they have in that prison.....
FFS I am exhausted, I can't do anything all over again, we are back at square 1, exactly where we were about a month ago.... Needless to say in the first prison he was still in the induction wing nearly a month on from sentencing
I am fed up with all these usless proceedings, that basically don't do anything. We have been put on his list and approved before, we have booked visits that cannot be honoured and his previous prison did not even had the decency to cancel the bokking.... also the fact that now we will have to travel 2 hours by car on a good day and more than 4 hours on a bad day just to see him is ridiculous... the only days we can see him now are Saturdays and Sundays and we will definitely be stuck in the road for hours trying to make our visit in time... also times and dates for the visits can change last minute so if we have a sunday visit they could change it to a monday one.... I feel like this system is a f'ing joke
Thursday when I came back from work I got a phonecall from him in wich he said he was moved further up north.... I had a complete melt down. He was later allowed to make a longer phoncall but not much was discussed with us....
Yesterday we called over 20 times at his new prison, we started at 7am until 10 to 5 and we got no answer from the department we tried to desperately contact... I decided to change the options and finally go through to some lady that has tried to feed me some random excuse why that department wasn't picking up which I did not accept as someone should be on the phones given that they claim they are 24 hours she was then trying to tell me that they might have been on the phone with someone else but we even left mesages and we got nothing back... she was then shocked that for the whole day no one answered (I have no hope in this prison at all)
She managed to tell us that once again he will be going through induction for the next 7 day or so, even mentioned that she is not sure how long it will take, also we have to go through the whole process of waiting for his contacts list to be approved which can take a week or so and our visits cannot be booked by us at all, he has to book the visits via an online system they have in that prison.....
FFS I am exhausted, I can't do anything all over again, we are back at square 1, exactly where we were about a month ago.... Needless to say in the first prison he was still in the induction wing nearly a month on from sentencing
I am fed up with all these usless proceedings, that basically don't do anything. We have been put on his list and approved before, we have booked visits that cannot be honoured and his previous prison did not even had the decency to cancel the bokking.... also the fact that now we will have to travel 2 hours by car on a good day and more than 4 hours on a bad day just to see him is ridiculous... the only days we can see him now are Saturdays and Sundays and we will definitely be stuck in the road for hours trying to make our visit in time... also times and dates for the visits can change last minute so if we have a sunday visit they could change it to a monday one.... I feel like this system is a f'ing joke
I feel your frustration, it really is so hard for us on the outside. The unknowns, the waiting, the limitations and restrictions the regime poses on us. It really is so terribly hard especially when we care about our person and want to help. We of course worry lots about them.
It's quite normal people will me moved to a new prison after initial entering the system. I can only hope for you that this is a move to a prison with enough spaces and is where he'll be for a while. While it's so extremely frustrating in the short term you may find the move a is better for hm in the long run, somewhere that has opportunity to work and other facilities and resources that will make his stay a little more bearable.
I often thing they should make a different discussion section in this forum for those with loved ones in the inside. I feel very lonely and I feel I'd benefit from some help and shared knowledge on how to navigate the system.
It's quite normal people will me moved to a new prison after initial entering the system. I can only hope for you that this is a move to a prison with enough spaces and is where he'll be for a while. While it's so extremely frustrating in the short term you may find the move a is better for hm in the long run, somewhere that has opportunity to work and other facilities and resources that will make his stay a little more bearable.
I often thing they should make a different discussion section in this forum for those with loved ones in the inside. I feel very lonely and I feel I'd benefit from some help and shared knowledge on how to navigate the system.
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SAL I like the idea of a specific section for that. It would be useful as there are so many more people in this situation. Based on what he managed to tell us it seems like this prison has more opportunities in terms of work and education and he claims to feel safer, which in fairness will be better for him. However, I can't help but worry about him... I don't think it sunk in how far away he's been taken and how hard it will be for us to see him... I am afraid when it does its going to affect his mental health again....
Smile through tears I am so sorry about your son, it must of been horrendous. I can only imagine how hard that must of been. As far as I know its a normal prison only that this one is private. Again I am afraid because a private prison doesn't always mean a better...
Thank you for support. It feels a little bit better knowing I am not alone in this. I so wish none of us had to go through this ordeal.
Smile through tears I am so sorry about your son, it must of been horrendous. I can only imagine how hard that must of been. As far as I know its a normal prison only that this one is private. Again I am afraid because a private prison doesn't always mean a better...
Thank you for support. It feels a little bit better knowing I am not alone in this. I so wish none of us had to go through this ordeal.
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You definitely aren't alone. My person is 3 hours minimum for me and that significantly impacts the number of times I can visit him. The prison he's in has recently agreed to allow me to have one visit one day and another on the next day, there are occasions where I'll be able to do this. It's slightly out of protocol but have allowed it due to the distance and him only having one visitor.
When he's settled, look to see if he can do video calls. We've just started trying to arrange this, so not sure how it works.
I also use the prison voicemail app. I find it really handy as I don't want to be restricted by having to be by the phone at the agreed time we said. I can leave messages for him to pick up and he can do the same. It means we can keep in contact easily and I can say when's best to call. He calls it twice a day as standard at set times to pick up messages. We don't use it for calls as we end up paying twice for the call, but the app is handy. The call function allows you to turn it off if you don't want to be available for a call or on if you do, you can also give it priority over other calls. If he gets through he just calls me back on the normal number.
I also write to him everyday... Not a letter everyday just not down little notes and thoughts throughout the day and then send it as a letter. He likes receiving the letter and I feel like I'm kind of in contact with him throughout the day, it's very light hearted and jokey stuff, just general chit chat. I print pictures to go with the letter too.
I hope he's processed quickly and that it's a positive move for him. It's normal to worry and you will of course do this. But they are looked after in terms of being safe, the first few days might be hard for him but he'll be safe and things will be happening. It will get better and easier for both of you, even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment.
Smile that's great he's got a key worker, even if that has taken so long. And enhanced too. These things really do make such a difference to them.
Lee, thanks for the heads up. I will have a look. I have been really struggling with the prison aspect of this situation and it feels quite lonely.
When he's settled, look to see if he can do video calls. We've just started trying to arrange this, so not sure how it works.
I also use the prison voicemail app. I find it really handy as I don't want to be restricted by having to be by the phone at the agreed time we said. I can leave messages for him to pick up and he can do the same. It means we can keep in contact easily and I can say when's best to call. He calls it twice a day as standard at set times to pick up messages. We don't use it for calls as we end up paying twice for the call, but the app is handy. The call function allows you to turn it off if you don't want to be available for a call or on if you do, you can also give it priority over other calls. If he gets through he just calls me back on the normal number.
I also write to him everyday... Not a letter everyday just not down little notes and thoughts throughout the day and then send it as a letter. He likes receiving the letter and I feel like I'm kind of in contact with him throughout the day, it's very light hearted and jokey stuff, just general chit chat. I print pictures to go with the letter too.
I hope he's processed quickly and that it's a positive move for him. It's normal to worry and you will of course do this. But they are looked after in terms of being safe, the first few days might be hard for him but he'll be safe and things will be happening. It will get better and easier for both of you, even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment.
Smile that's great he's got a key worker, even if that has taken so long. And enhanced too. These things really do make such a difference to them.
Lee, thanks for the heads up. I will have a look. I have been really struggling with the prison aspect of this situation and it feels quite lonely.
Hi pmandpr22
My son was moved from Remand after sentancing, it is over 2 hours away so a long day travelling but we have a 2 hr visit, we can also do a visit on a Sat and Sun so planning on an overnight stay in the next couple of months, we currently visit 2 times a month
I hope you can get a visit soon just to give yourself peace of mind
Sending hugs xx
My son was moved from Remand after sentancing, it is over 2 hours away so a long day travelling but we have a 2 hr visit, we can also do a visit on a Sat and Sun so planning on an overnight stay in the next couple of months, we currently visit 2 times a month
I hope you can get a visit soon just to give yourself peace of mind
Sending hugs xx
Thanks Lee. I have looked at these but thought they were for those with children. But I guess I can contact them and see if they can help at all. I feel like I've just thrown myself into summer following prison sentence and tried to ignore it - The realities of lots many aspects of the situation are dawning on me.
I've got complete confidence in this forum (which took me a while to join in (and now you carnt shut me up!!!!!!!) I'm a little reluctant to trust another.....
perhaps Lucy & co could look into adding another section to the forum as sadly many of our friends go on to life with their loved one in custody.
is there a reason why this carnt be done?
perhaps Lucy & co could look into adding another section to the forum as sadly many of our friends go on to life with their loved one in custody.
is there a reason why this carnt be done?
Hi Sal and Smile Through Tears, can I be cheeky and ask what the crimes were? Just wondering as I've not long been on the forum and wondering what the different outcoes were and if impacted by the Covid situation and prisons reportedly being "full" xxx
Mine was attempting to incite sexual activity with a minor. It was a decoy. He had a conversation with an adult about a child. No arrangement to meet. No images. One incident. 40 months custodial. Lifetime SOR and SHPO.
I don't believe there would have been any consideration to keep him out of prison based on prisons back logs and covid related matters alone. What may have made a difference was showing greater remorse and understanding of how his actions may have hurt a child (He was completely shell shocked as to what was happening and thought he was "just" having a conversation that was role play, he didn't recognise that this may have been endangering a real child). Accepting the above and that he needed help. Doing a letter of a accountability. Having another voice (family, friends etc) in the form of a charter reference. That of course may not have helped. The judge only saw one side of him and the picture painted was pretty horrific.
I don't believe there would have been any consideration to keep him out of prison based on prisons back logs and covid related matters alone. What may have made a difference was showing greater remorse and understanding of how his actions may have hurt a child (He was completely shell shocked as to what was happening and thought he was "just" having a conversation that was role play, he didn't recognise that this may have been endangering a real child). Accepting the above and that he needed help. Doing a letter of a accountability. Having another voice (family, friends etc) in the form of a charter reference. That of course may not have helped. The judge only saw one side of him and the picture painted was pretty horrific.
Hi - I don't particularly want to go fully into my sons crime - feel a little uncomfortable which I'm sure you ladies will respect.
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Hi Polly- perhaps ashamed might be the right word xxxxxx
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You are indeed a lovely person Polly.
Aww Smile,
You have nothing to be ashamed of, while we share information about our sons but not in full detail on here there is so much we all have in common, it is this supportive non judgemental group
Hugs as always xx
You have nothing to be ashamed of, while we share information about our sons but not in full detail on here there is so much we all have in common, it is this supportive non judgemental group
Hugs as always xx
Hi everyone, I thought I'll give an update on this. He was moved to a Cat C prison, some of the people he met in the previous one were moved with him so he has people to talk to and has met other people. They are all very supportive in that prison and they take the safety and wellbeing of the prisoners very seriously. We saw him a week ago and his nan mentioned that he looks much better seems a bit more himself compared to how he was in the previous prison.
He is doing well, we now have regular contact, regular letters(not so much as thenpostal strike was a pain), 1 phone call a day on weekdays for about an hour and 2 calls a day during the weekend around the same lenght. We can double book visits but because of how far it is we decided that going to see him once every 2 weeks its enough for now, we will be able to book viedo calls startjng next week. Also he will have a cat D review in December which puts me on edge as it could mean he gets moved again but we gonna have to wait and see.
He is doing well, we now have regular contact, regular letters(not so much as thenpostal strike was a pain), 1 phone call a day on weekdays for about an hour and 2 calls a day during the weekend around the same lenght. We can double book visits but because of how far it is we decided that going to see him once every 2 weeks its enough for now, we will be able to book viedo calls startjng next week. Also he will have a cat D review in December which puts me on edge as it could mean he gets moved again but we gonna have to wait and see.
pmandpr22
Thank you for the update and glad you have been able to visit him x
Its peace of mind for you to know he is doing ok and has support x
Hope you are doing ok under the circumstances xx
Thank you for the update and glad you have been able to visit him x
Its peace of mind for you to know he is doing ok and has support x
Hope you are doing ok under the circumstances xx
My son says he has only felt uneasy twice. At first when on remand and recently when he had an overnight stay whilst being transported to where he is now.
People think in a SO prison they get together to discuss their 'evil' ways, not so. No one ever discusses what they have done, so no one feels intimidated. That was always my big fear - he'd get beat up etc, but safeguarding is took very seriously and providing you 'behave' the officers treat you with respect.
People think in a SO prison they get together to discuss their 'evil' ways, not so. No one ever discusses what they have done, so no one feels intimidated. That was always my big fear - he'd get beat up etc, but safeguarding is took very seriously and providing you 'behave' the officers treat you with respect.