Partners in custody?
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Hi my partner was sentenced last October for 3.5yrs I lead myself to belive as time goes on it will get easier?
We're 10 month into the sentence, I say "we" because my whole life has changed too, I've found myself really depressed since he's gone and I'm on and off medication I want to feel I'm strong enough to get a grip of myself and don't want to rely on medication to make me feel "happy"... I've got a couple of questions for people who may have been in a similar situation or are currently going through this.
- does it get easier?
- how do you manage to keep your head straight and try and carry on living a "normal life"
- I miss him just as much today as I did the day he was sentenced ????
- the kids ask for him all the time and all they say is they want him to come home
- I feel like I tell him I miss him too much and I get really upset sometimes and I hate myself for it
How do you change your mindset? It's been 10 months now should I just accept this is how I will feel for the next 8 months?
He's been granted Dcat he's just waiting for a bus to come and move him to a dcat prison then we should be able to spend some quality time together that's another thing that worries me, am I going to spiral into a depressed state even more once I've been able to spend time with him and have him go back to prison once his temporary release days are up for the month ????
So many questions sorry guys.
We're 10 month into the sentence, I say "we" because my whole life has changed too, I've found myself really depressed since he's gone and I'm on and off medication I want to feel I'm strong enough to get a grip of myself and don't want to rely on medication to make me feel "happy"... I've got a couple of questions for people who may have been in a similar situation or are currently going through this.
- does it get easier?
- how do you manage to keep your head straight and try and carry on living a "normal life"
- I miss him just as much today as I did the day he was sentenced ????
- the kids ask for him all the time and all they say is they want him to come home
- I feel like I tell him I miss him too much and I get really upset sometimes and I hate myself for it
How do you change your mindset? It's been 10 months now should I just accept this is how I will feel for the next 8 months?
He's been granted Dcat he's just waiting for a bus to come and move him to a dcat prison then we should be able to spend some quality time together that's another thing that worries me, am I going to spiral into a depressed state even more once I've been able to spend time with him and have him go back to prison once his temporary release days are up for the month ????
So many questions sorry guys.
I can't offer much advise as to whether it gets easier, I'm only 4 months in with 16 to go. After he initially went away I found it very hard, I then spent some time focusing on myself, but this has just been a bit of a sticking plaster and I'm increasingly having days where I can sleep, can't focus and feel like I'm just going to fall to pieces. I feel like I go into some kind of "busy" mode to try and forget /not have time to think. Then I come up for air and look around homing release date is some how sooner but there are still so many months ahead and I sink into a low place.
One of the ladies on here recommended I reach out to the below charities.
- Children heard and seen
- Safer lives ( they have a support group that meets once a month)
- Act fast
They may be helpful to you too. I don't have children, it must be incredibly hard. The charities above may be able to help your children too.
In terms of getting upset and telling him you miss him. I often wonder that too but we've spoken about it and he likes knowing I miss him. It's hard but we've had a discussion and agreed that we both need to be able to talk about how we feel, even if it sometimes makes it harder for the other one. He needs the space to offload and as do I. Have you spoken to him about it?
I wondered if you'd mind asking some questions on what I can expect from the road ahead. You mentioned he'd been sentenced to 42 months which would be 21 but you mention he's been inside for 10 months and then you mention 8 months - That equals 18. Is he being released earlier than 21 months? My person's solicitor mentioned early release but I didn't think sex offenders were eligible, that's why I ask.
How far into his sentence was he assessed for Cat D? And what is allowed in terms of more contact at Cat D?
Sorry to aks the questions. There are very few people on here that are active that are in this situation, it's hard to find out or try to understand what could be round the corner.
One of the ladies on here recommended I reach out to the below charities.
- Children heard and seen
- Safer lives ( they have a support group that meets once a month)
- Act fast
They may be helpful to you too. I don't have children, it must be incredibly hard. The charities above may be able to help your children too.
In terms of getting upset and telling him you miss him. I often wonder that too but we've spoken about it and he likes knowing I miss him. It's hard but we've had a discussion and agreed that we both need to be able to talk about how we feel, even if it sometimes makes it harder for the other one. He needs the space to offload and as do I. Have you spoken to him about it?
I wondered if you'd mind asking some questions on what I can expect from the road ahead. You mentioned he'd been sentenced to 42 months which would be 21 but you mention he's been inside for 10 months and then you mention 8 months - That equals 18. Is he being released earlier than 21 months? My person's solicitor mentioned early release but I didn't think sex offenders were eligible, that's why I ask.
How far into his sentence was he assessed for Cat D? And what is allowed in terms of more contact at Cat D?
Sorry to aks the questions. There are very few people on here that are active that are in this situation, it's hard to find out or try to understand what could be round the corner.
I am very early in journey, my OH case is still with CPS, so can't advise you on your current experience.
What I can say, is there is absolutely no shame in needing medication for your mental health. I have been on antidepressants for years, I believe that they are the only reason on have not fallen apart while this is going on.
Your mental health is as real and valid as your physical health. If you had diabetes you would take your insulin. Get yourself well and then, if you feel able reduce your meds. If you can't, there's absolutely no shame in it.
What I can say, is there is absolutely no shame in needing medication for your mental health. I have been on antidepressants for years, I believe that they are the only reason on have not fallen apart while this is going on.
Your mental health is as real and valid as your physical health. If you had diabetes you would take your insulin. Get yourself well and then, if you feel able reduce your meds. If you can't, there's absolutely no shame in it.
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Hi Kekk1234, can I ask what your partner got 3.5yrs for? I know no two cases are the same but just intrigued at the different outcomes and fearful for my peron' outcome :( xx