Any one able to share outcome
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Hi is anyone able to share outcomes of investigation. My own mind works overtime on every possible outcome. I'm not 100% sure on what my own husband was questioned about at 1st interview as he can't recall exactly what officers said. The legal aid solicitor he had was next to useless and although we now have a decent solicitor there were no notes taken by first legal aid solicitor in attendance at 1st interview. Police have not been forthcoming with what they have either. But believe they had evidence of two conversations years apart with adults about inciting a child to engage in sexual activity forgive me if have terminology wrong. I can't find much on here about anything but pictures. We await 2nd interview to find out what they find on the devices taken. Part of me wants to stay in this limbo and part of me wants to know what will happen. Anyone been in this situation and happy to share outcome? Im not sure how best to plan what action I will need to take. Will my husband go to prison, will I lose my husband, my job, my house, my family, my friends? Not shared what has happened with anyone and don't intend on doing so until it ends up in court much easier to put it to one side until I know what action will be required. My husband has had therapy and attended one to one sessions and has found it very helpful. I know many more going through same as me so not looking for or needing an emotional crutch I would just like to have some idea of what my plans should be eg do I need a plan for starting from scratch not an easy task after 35 years of marriage. I don't have anyone else I want to discuss this with, so hoping there may be some help from other members on their outcomes. Thanks
Every case is different and I think yours is very early in the process.
I was not aware of details until sentencing (I left him on day if the knock) but situation was similar, custodial sentence 4 years. Length of time we were together is similar.
but, you have to do what is right for you, and each case and each judge is different, but I think they are coming down harder on communication than images.
I send hugs, I am coming out of the other side but it has been horrendous so I hope you have a different experience
I was not aware of details until sentencing (I left him on day if the knock) but situation was similar, custodial sentence 4 years. Length of time we were together is similar.
but, you have to do what is right for you, and each case and each judge is different, but I think they are coming down harder on communication than images.
I send hugs, I am coming out of the other side but it has been horrendous so I hope you have a different experience
Hi Forumread,
I'm sorry you find yourself here and totally sympathise with your worry. My partner was arrested for communication, I was here for the knock when it happened. It's bizarre that there are two alleged conversations years apart yet they haven't shown them (or parts of them) to your husband, normally in interviewing they will show some evidence and lay it on thick that they know it's them so those who are guilty will admit guilt. Unfortunately, it'll probably be a few months until it gets passed to the CPS and evidence is released - that's if charges are pressed. It's a very difficult situation but it may be worth pressing your husband for more information as there should've been more information spoken about in the first interview. Sending love xx
I'm sorry you find yourself here and totally sympathise with your worry. My partner was arrested for communication, I was here for the knock when it happened. It's bizarre that there are two alleged conversations years apart yet they haven't shown them (or parts of them) to your husband, normally in interviewing they will show some evidence and lay it on thick that they know it's them so those who are guilty will admit guilt. Unfortunately, it'll probably be a few months until it gets passed to the CPS and evidence is released - that's if charges are pressed. It's a very difficult situation but it may be worth pressing your husband for more information as there should've been more information spoken about in the first interview. Sending love xx
It took me a while to type that out before I pressed send and just seen Lee's response. I was having a nosey on the sentencing guidelines yesterday Lee and seemingly being intoxicated at the time is an aggravating factor which I can understand but at the same time is a bit odd. X
My persons case was similar.
He spoke to a decoy police officer about a child. It was one conversation. No other conversations or images found or any other evidence to suggest he had any interest in children. No arrangements to meet.
He was sentenced to 40 months. Life time SOR and SHPO. This seemed severe compared to other cases I've read about.
What I would say is this offence is often referred to as "communication" on here. I can see why, but I don't think it helps the mindset in understanding the severity and the law (not suggesting anyone is diminishing the crime). My person has a conversation but the law see it that he was attempting to physically arrange a child sex act. In his head he was having a role play conversation, he did not believe there was an actual child, but nor either of them state it was role play therefore in theory he could have actually been facilitating/encouraging a child to be abused via the adult. I don't say this to alarm you, but I wish I hadn't been so wet behind the ears both in understanding the severity and the law.
As others have said. No two cases are the same and nor are outcomes.
He spoke to a decoy police officer about a child. It was one conversation. No other conversations or images found or any other evidence to suggest he had any interest in children. No arrangements to meet.
He was sentenced to 40 months. Life time SOR and SHPO. This seemed severe compared to other cases I've read about.
What I would say is this offence is often referred to as "communication" on here. I can see why, but I don't think it helps the mindset in understanding the severity and the law (not suggesting anyone is diminishing the crime). My person has a conversation but the law see it that he was attempting to physically arrange a child sex act. In his head he was having a role play conversation, he did not believe there was an actual child, but nor either of them state it was role play therefore in theory he could have actually been facilitating/encouraging a child to be abused via the adult. I don't say this to alarm you, but I wish I hadn't been so wet behind the ears both in understanding the severity and the law.
As others have said. No two cases are the same and nor are outcomes.
My persons case was similar to SALs
Communication, no previous offenses, 1 chat, no attempts to meet, no searches, other conversations, pictures or videos. Was in therapy the week after arrest, progressed well and had a new job
And was sentanced to 40 months, 7 Yr shpo and indefinite sor
All are very dependent on the judge and the day.
Communication, no previous offenses, 1 chat, no attempts to meet, no searches, other conversations, pictures or videos. Was in therapy the week after arrest, progressed well and had a new job
And was sentanced to 40 months, 7 Yr shpo and indefinite sor
All are very dependent on the judge and the day.
If there is any benefit in learning more about cases that are similar it's perhaps not the sentencing it's the SOR and the SHPO - Both conditions and length. As you can see from the above post, these are vastly different and it's now too late to challenge this - I believe we have to wait 5 years. I've seen people be sentenced for physical abuse on children and receive less than my person. I wish I'd had my wits about me when my person was sentenced so we could challenge this. I had only a matter of months from finding out to prison as my person had kept the whole thing from me.
I'm confused. The maximum sentence for communication is 24 months, so how could he get 40 months?
Attempting to communicate with a child for sexual gratification is max 24 months.
I think this sort of relates to the point I made earlier that the law does not see these as communication offences. They see it as an attempt to actually make the sexual activity happen.
I think this sort of relates to the point I made earlier that the law does not see these as communication offences. They see it as an attempt to actually make the sexual activity happen.
Agreed. There are many points of speculation. I am always wonder if I am doing the right thing by answering posts that ask for outcomes as they are so varied, particularly if the charges are not know. But I also know how much energy and time I spent on reading posts, searching users, to try and get a idea of the charge, the circumstances around it and then the sentencing outcome.
Something that has incite, facilitate, arrange commission in the charge though is not communication in the eyes of the law. If there was such a charge as "communicating with and adult about a child sex act for sexual gratification" that would be communication offence - This would imply there was no intent to take it beyond a conversation. I believe the closest thing to this is the obscene publication act, and if my person had said in his conversation that it was role play or fantasy then this may have been a charge that could have been brought to him instead. I believe this happened to a different user on here and because it was published their person's dialogue happened on a open forum.
Something that has incite, facilitate, arrange commission in the charge though is not communication in the eyes of the law. If there was such a charge as "communicating with and adult about a child sex act for sexual gratification" that would be communication offence - This would imply there was no intent to take it beyond a conversation. I believe the closest thing to this is the obscene publication act, and if my person had said in his conversation that it was role play or fantasy then this may have been a charge that could have been brought to him instead. I believe this happened to a different user on here and because it was published their person's dialogue happened on a open forum.
16 months suspended for 2 years and 10 years on the SOR
SHPO - one prohobition - must notify them of any new email/ social media or gaming account
Judge was fair
SHPO - one prohobition - must notify them of any new email/ social media or gaming account
Judge was fair
Thanks everyone. The police came and arrested my husband in Jan this year. He was not allowed to speak to me alone before being taken to station for questioning. They did a full search of house and his car. Took a laptop which was mine but he used and an ancient kindle which had email capability and his phone. They checked my work laptop., my phone and my electronic notepad but deemed all to be Ok and told me they didn't need to take anything of mine. One conversation dated 2017 he was shown a printed page the print was tiny conversation finished abruptly. Another conversation more recent which again ended before any meeting arranged looked like screen shots. The police have not provided any details to new solicitor despite them asking for information I don't think they have to disclose what they questioned him about until he is asked back for another interview. He was advised not to answer any questions at first interview by legal aid solicitor. His new solicitor has already carried out preemptive work putting together what work he has been doing with Councillor he has done a lot of work and realises what damage his porn addiction has done to our future. His solicitor will initially try to push for case to be dismissed before going to cps if these two conversations are all they find no idea how likely this. His bail has been extended twice so far. We are both continuing to work as obviously if he gets custodial or even any sususpended sentence he will lose job because no one will want to work with convicted sex offender the rest of workforce will be up in arms. My role is very public for my company and they will want to disassociate themselves from me immediately can't say I would do many different if I was in their position. So will have to wait for what will happen I guess. We don't have children so not in a position where our family has been forced to separate. I have little care for what anyone else will think of me if I decide to stay as in my experience people who lack empathy or compassion in the circumstances are not the type of people worth your time. If he goes to prison then he will serve his time and after the worse outcome has happened then we will just have to face consequences and start again somewhere else. The rest of the world certainly won't come to an end because of whatever happens to us and it will soon be yesterday's news to anyone who knows us quickly, people are generally selfish and only interested in what effects them so will soon move on to the next thing. I know and understand the sentencing guidelines for his offence I just wondered how likely custodial if goes to court when it is a victimless crime because no real children involved. However it now makes no difference all are treated as if it wasn't role playing. Putting my big girl pants on and will face whatever comes my way with my head held high I've done nothing wrong other than to expect my husband to be faithfull honest and law abiding. Not too much to expect of your partner. Hope you all find the strength to get through positions you find yourselves in too.
Forumread
I think many of us have reached the same point as you, realising the worst likely outcomes, like job loss, prison sentences, media reporting etc and thinking "yeah well I can deal with that" and then knuckling downto try and mitigate the impact of that as much as possible. But having reached that place then there is the long drawn out process of police investigation, plea hearings, waiting for pre sentencing reports, sentencing etc. Its purgatory. After 2 years I am still at the stage if waiting for trial, which is now over a year away. And then, reading this forum, it's still not over. Dealing with the practicalities of a partner in prison (if that's what happens and seems increasingly common), challenging SHPO conditions, SOR requirements, having your movements tracked (why else do they want travel details, vehicle registrations, bank account details, phone and device details?) restrictions on travel to certain countries, restrictions on visiting certain types of places (schools, holiday camps etc) and certain types of events and activities where there might be children - it's so OTT and yet after I think over a decade or so of these restrictions in place are we actually seeing any reduction in child abuse levels? If we have it's not been reported ankhd if we haven't then they're going after the wrong people.
I think many of us have reached the same point as you, realising the worst likely outcomes, like job loss, prison sentences, media reporting etc and thinking "yeah well I can deal with that" and then knuckling downto try and mitigate the impact of that as much as possible. But having reached that place then there is the long drawn out process of police investigation, plea hearings, waiting for pre sentencing reports, sentencing etc. Its purgatory. After 2 years I am still at the stage if waiting for trial, which is now over a year away. And then, reading this forum, it's still not over. Dealing with the practicalities of a partner in prison (if that's what happens and seems increasingly common), challenging SHPO conditions, SOR requirements, having your movements tracked (why else do they want travel details, vehicle registrations, bank account details, phone and device details?) restrictions on travel to certain countries, restrictions on visiting certain types of places (schools, holiday camps etc) and certain types of events and activities where there might be children - it's so OTT and yet after I think over a decade or so of these restrictions in place are we actually seeing any reduction in child abuse levels? If we have it's not been reported ankhd if we haven't then they're going after the wrong people.
I do think that not having children makes the situation much less complicated. I'm in this situation, my person is in prison and I am still trying to find some steady ground to stop and think and have some kind of calm and peace within me. I thought because we didn't have children and are both quite insular and introverted we stand a good chance to be able to build a life after this that is fulfilling after he's out.
I am struggling more than I thought. I'm not a risk adverse person. Being a introvert I don't let many people "in" but those friends I do I am extremely open with, but only one friend knows the true situation I'm in and as a result, I'm living a lie - This is taking its toll on me more than I thought. The unknowns are also very hard for me, I like to plan and be cautious, - I can't plan and when I do think of a plan going forward, it seems that the only way forward is to not be cautious, all will require some brave and strong decisions and significant changes in my life. And whatever we decide we will always be looking over our shoulder - I know this will take its toll on me. I think I'm coming to the point where I feel I've been a bit naive. That isn't to say I will change my mind on staying with him, but I think it does mean I need to change my mindset.
I am struggling more than I thought. I'm not a risk adverse person. Being a introvert I don't let many people "in" but those friends I do I am extremely open with, but only one friend knows the true situation I'm in and as a result, I'm living a lie - This is taking its toll on me more than I thought. The unknowns are also very hard for me, I like to plan and be cautious, - I can't plan and when I do think of a plan going forward, it seems that the only way forward is to not be cautious, all will require some brave and strong decisions and significant changes in my life. And whatever we decide we will always be looking over our shoulder - I know this will take its toll on me. I think I'm coming to the point where I feel I've been a bit naive. That isn't to say I will change my mind on staying with him, but I think it does mean I need to change my mindset.
It's tough whatever situation you are in.
I think the worst bit was awaiting trial as you feel like you cannot plan anything.
My OH was sentenced for 6 yrs, will serve 3. Tough sentencing... but in essence is within guidelines, so really depends on how the judge perceives aggravating and mitigating circumstances!
Press coverage was my biggest fear... but once it was out there I just thought oh well it's out there now.. can't change it.
Think just accept you can't control any of it. All you can do is control your emotions and actions. But nothing is forever.. everything is temporary, so u will get over each hurdle, some will be harder to get over than others, but eventually you do.
I think the worst bit was awaiting trial as you feel like you cannot plan anything.
My OH was sentenced for 6 yrs, will serve 3. Tough sentencing... but in essence is within guidelines, so really depends on how the judge perceives aggravating and mitigating circumstances!
Press coverage was my biggest fear... but once it was out there I just thought oh well it's out there now.. can't change it.
Think just accept you can't control any of it. All you can do is control your emotions and actions. But nothing is forever.. everything is temporary, so u will get over each hurdle, some will be harder to get over than others, but eventually you do.
SAL .. you are not naive. You are just processing the trauma. You do have to be brave, but to be honest.. me being brave was the best thing I did! Yes I did lose some friends and it hurt, but in time, you realise they were not friends at all.
Good advice.
I think my situation is slightly different to others in here in that I will experience the fallout and upset from this after his sentence. All my family and friends bar 3 people know the truth, everyone else thinks we've broken up. The offence happened before we were a couple and he didn't tell me so within a very short space of time I had a lot to process. In some ways I'm glad I didn't have 2 years waiting and not knowing the outcome. I do now have 2 years of living a lie, taking his calls in secret, writing letter in secret, visiting him in secret and processing it all in secret. At the end of his sentence and if I still want us to be a couple I will have to face the fallout - Tell family and friends, decide what to tell them, how much. He'll change his name at some point, but I suspect any authorities that will be involved and feel that I need to disclose will tell them his full name and the write up is quite horrific. In fact it's so bad I'm surprised my parents can stand by me.
Because of the way my situation has unfolded I've found it harder since he went away. I currently feel quite destructive, feel like I'm doing /on the verge of ruining good things in my life as a shout/cry for help because I can't talk about the problem - I've recognised it though and sort help, but for some of the things it may be too late. I've also found I'm isolating myself because I don't want to lie, I don't want to pretend I'm okay when I'm not.
PR thank you for saying I'm not naive. These emotions are so overwhelming.
Do you mind me asking how far through the sentence you are? How is he doing? How are you doing?
Because of the way my situation has unfolded I've found it harder since he went away. I currently feel quite destructive, feel like I'm doing /on the verge of ruining good things in my life as a shout/cry for help because I can't talk about the problem - I've recognised it though and sort help, but for some of the things it may be too late. I've also found I'm isolating myself because I don't want to lie, I don't want to pretend I'm okay when I'm not.
PR thank you for saying I'm not naive. These emotions are so overwhelming.
Do you mind me asking how far through the sentence you are? How is he doing? How are you doing?
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SAL
we are still at the awaiting trial stage and it is the "living a lie" thing I find so hard. For ages now I have felt this secret burning a hole in me, and I am terrified that one day I am going to blurt it out in an uncontrolled way to someone inappropriate.
we are still at the awaiting trial stage and it is the "living a lie" thing I find so hard. For ages now I have felt this secret burning a hole in me, and I am terrified that one day I am going to blurt it out in an uncontrolled way to someone inappropriate.
I haven't told anyone either. It's really difficult because we are so happy and the perfect couple in other peoples eyes so when asked what our future plans are it's triggering because I don't know, then it leads me thinking to what I will say if it all goes wrong and everyone finds out by media. I'm building a running away fund and focussing on myself. If it all goes wrong I'm packing up and moving. I've become very introverted since it all happened.
Polly, yes - Exactly that. I feel that some friendships won't recover. I've distanced myself from them. Some have been so good and so concerned, but I put on a face that I've turned a corner, when really I haven't. They have significant and exciting things happening in their lives. I try to be joyous, because I am happy for them, I just don't feel I can be part oh their lives without being authentic. There is also part of me that thinks, when they find out they won't want to be friends with me anyway so I should just let the friendship slip away then I'll never need to face the fallout. I sometimes wish I could hate him, it'd be easier, but that isn't how I feel.
And yep BitterBean, the living a lie is so hard. It's become quite normal for me get his calls, the dreadful automated message that precedes the connecting call. I worry that I'll just drop into conversation that I spoke to him, or that I want to leave a message for him do he gets it after yard. Or even share the joy and celebrations on the small joys he has in prison or the successes. It's so hard. I really do feel for people that had to try and pretend for do long that things were normal, I think I'd have had a breakdown. At least I'm working with a lit of knowns.
And yep, BaffledB I get that too. I love my person and to be together I'm going to have to make some brave moves, but I think I'll always have to make sure I'm financial independent from him - So I know I have freedom to move e on if I can't cope. I think the knowing I can will actually be more important than actually being able to do it. We always had this thing in our relationship of wanting it to be a choice, we are both happy on our own and both independent, but the fact we chose to be with each other was always important to us and even now, we put very little pressure on each other, but we are both still there for one another, both still looking out for one another. I think there is a lot of power both individually but as a relationship that comes with that.
And yep BitterBean, the living a lie is so hard. It's become quite normal for me get his calls, the dreadful automated message that precedes the connecting call. I worry that I'll just drop into conversation that I spoke to him, or that I want to leave a message for him do he gets it after yard. Or even share the joy and celebrations on the small joys he has in prison or the successes. It's so hard. I really do feel for people that had to try and pretend for do long that things were normal, I think I'd have had a breakdown. At least I'm working with a lit of knowns.
And yep, BaffledB I get that too. I love my person and to be together I'm going to have to make some brave moves, but I think I'll always have to make sure I'm financial independent from him - So I know I have freedom to move e on if I can't cope. I think the knowing I can will actually be more important than actually being able to do it. We always had this thing in our relationship of wanting it to be a choice, we are both happy on our own and both independent, but the fact we chose to be with each other was always important to us and even now, we put very little pressure on each other, but we are both still there for one another, both still looking out for one another. I think there is a lot of power both individually but as a relationship that comes with that.
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I really admire you all for your bravery in sticking by your partners. I'd be really interested to know how you can forgive these disgraceful crimes? I'm so confused about what to do? I love him but it's all his fault and why should I suffer the consequences of his actions?
sorry to sound negative , I just can't decide what to do.
sorry to sound negative , I just can't decide what to do.
You can only do what's right for you. I made vows when I married that I take very seriously and so will try to work through what's happened with my husband. If I ever decide to separate it will be my decision and not one based on what I think others would want me to do or what I think I should be seen to be doing.
Marriage has had its good and bad times for me over the last 35plus years. Many times it would have been easier to walk away but for me working through problems is what been married is all about. Life isn't always easy and you have to be prepared to work at it. Only I can know if I can't give it anymore of my time.
Stay strong you have done nothing wrong keep facing the world and do not hide away it is self destructive. I am far from perfect and recognising my own failings has always meant I try to imagine walking in someone's shoes before I judge them. People make mistakes they can work to be better if they really want to and it is not wrong to have faith that people can attone and can be forgiven.
Not sure where I will be in the future, for now just taking a day at a time is working for me. You can feel like you are in the deepest hole some days but others not so much. Better days will always come eventually, nothing stays the same. I guess we are all different and we all have our own points of no return so ultimately we can only decide for ourselves whether to stay or leave.
Marriage has had its good and bad times for me over the last 35plus years. Many times it would have been easier to walk away but for me working through problems is what been married is all about. Life isn't always easy and you have to be prepared to work at it. Only I can know if I can't give it anymore of my time.
Stay strong you have done nothing wrong keep facing the world and do not hide away it is self destructive. I am far from perfect and recognising my own failings has always meant I try to imagine walking in someone's shoes before I judge them. People make mistakes they can work to be better if they really want to and it is not wrong to have faith that people can attone and can be forgiven.
Not sure where I will be in the future, for now just taking a day at a time is working for me. You can feel like you are in the deepest hole some days but others not so much. Better days will always come eventually, nothing stays the same. I guess we are all different and we all have our own points of no return so ultimately we can only decide for ourselves whether to stay or leave.