14 y o son is being investigated
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Hi! Im new! my 14 yo son has had his devices confiscated for sharing indecent images of children. This was a month ago. I was told I would meet and get support from social worker, but shes never come and Ive had no emails from her as she promised. We don't allow him unsupervised access to internet and he is no longer allowed social media.The image was shared by a friend the same age, and my son went on to share with another lad the same age. The police said the image was horrific, and my son said it was scaring, although he doesn't want to go into details with me. I work in paediatrics and I work hard to safeguard children. I do not support any harming of children, but Im now on restricted duties because of my sons mistake. Im concerned about the impact this will have on my sons future. Is anyone else in a similar situation?
Hi Deanne
I am so sorry that you find yourself in this situation. Have you spoken to the helpline? If you haven't it would be good to make contact with them for support for you and your son. The helpline can also tell you more about the Young Person's Inform course which may be good for your son to sign up to.
The young person in our family was 16 years old when he was investigated by the police. We did not have a social worker involved/appointed to us (maybe because we were in COVID lockdown at the time) throughout the whole process.
Thinking of you and your son.
I hope other members can give you some helpful advice soon.
I am so sorry that you find yourself in this situation. Have you spoken to the helpline? If you haven't it would be good to make contact with them for support for you and your son. The helpline can also tell you more about the Young Person's Inform course which may be good for your son to sign up to.
The young person in our family was 16 years old when he was investigated by the police. We did not have a social worker involved/appointed to us (maybe because we were in COVID lockdown at the time) throughout the whole process.
Thinking of you and your son.
I hope other members can give you some helpful advice soon.
Hi Deanne
Just thought that the national mental health charity, Young Minds, may be worth you having a look at. If you don't need to speak to them now, it maybe someone you may need to contact at sometime in the future. They also provide a one off service where you can talk to an independant, experienced professional for a free 50 minute consultation. I have used their helpline service in the past and have also been able to have a one off consultation with a psychologist. I have always found them most helpful.
Just thought that the national mental health charity, Young Minds, may be worth you having a look at. If you don't need to speak to them now, it maybe someone you may need to contact at sometime in the future. They also provide a one off service where you can talk to an independant, experienced professional for a free 50 minute consultation. I have used their helpline service in the past and have also been able to have a one off consultation with a psychologist. I have always found them most helpful.
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This has happened to my 14yr old this morning. It's heartbreaking and I just don't know what to do. I just want to make sure he isn't suffering in silence, he looked so sad and scared and has been so quiet all day. All i can do is reassure him that I'm here.
The officers were very fair with him and treated him so respectfully clearly understanding his age. They didn't take any devices and didn't explain what happens next. I just wish I could tell him what happens now. I have no contact details for them.
I hope your son gets the support he needs. As much as now is the time to educate them on things that have happened they are still our children with lives ahead of them. it's such a difficult time
The officers were very fair with him and treated him so respectfully clearly understanding his age. They didn't take any devices and didn't explain what happens next. I just wish I could tell him what happens now. I have no contact details for them.
I hope your son gets the support he needs. As much as now is the time to educate them on things that have happened they are still our children with lives ahead of them. it's such a difficult time
Thank you all for your supportive msg. I will take a loom at the young minds charity. Im in the east and have found the charity Phoenixnfutures, who offer support to young people in the judiciary system. I would be really grateful to any suggestions to how to block social media. The real challenge is how to stop him from accessing it on the train to school. Ive decided to let him have a smart phone so I can track his journey to and from school, which involves a mainline train and walk to/from stations. There is ample opportunity for him to wander into someones house without m knowing and so I feel a tracker on a smartphone is necessary.
mum198 I am so sorry for what happened to you and ur son. How are you feeling now? Im wondering what it was like for you. I went from disgust, shock, anger, fear, anger disgust and shame.
The police raided my home on 28th July.
It's now 5 September and the safeguarding lead at my son's school told me that when she spoke to the police 2 weeks ago, they hadn't started looking at my son's device. Ive been warned by many that this process takes ages.
Im also questioning why Snapchat allowed him to view and share an inappropriate message before deleting it and blocking his account. Surely the social media companies have the tech to intercept messages before they reach young people? And surely they have the tech to prevent them from being shared?
The police raided my home on 28th July.
It's now 5 September and the safeguarding lead at my son's school told me that when she spoke to the police 2 weeks ago, they hadn't started looking at my son's device. Ive been warned by many that this process takes ages.
Im also questioning why Snapchat allowed him to view and share an inappropriate message before deleting it and blocking his account. Surely the social media companies have the tech to intercept messages before they reach young people? And surely they have the tech to prevent them from being shared?
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Hi, my son (15 at the time) was sending other teens (he knew) inappropriate messages online. One day we had the knock and were informed about his actions. We were shocked and dismayed by his actions, but also understood he was struggling with hormone overload and no outlet (him being socially awkward). Because he was underage he was given a warning and advice. We tried parental internet control but he managed to get round it. We limited access to wifi to day time only for everyone. We thought he'd learned a valuable lesson.
Then we had a few rocky years with some self-harm, thoughts of suicide, dropping out of school, depression. He had some councelling & meds, a period of time get himself back on track without us putting much pressure on him.
He is 19 now and spending most of his time in his room. The last few months seemed okay, he was going out (shops) ocassionally, communicated a little, started to become more independent, claimed UC.
Then came another knock. This was last week. Last year he'd been looking at and downloading inappropriate material. They arrested him, took all his gadgets, had a look around the house and had a long chat with us. They were very supportive and gave us this website to look at.
We both felt shell-shocked the first few days, the world just stopped. A mix of emotions, guilt, disgust, hopelessness, confusion, fear, but also love for this very difficult young man, who needs so much love but is somehow unable to connect.
Hopefully he'll get the support he needs, and hopefully he'll accept the support that's offered.
Then we had a few rocky years with some self-harm, thoughts of suicide, dropping out of school, depression. He had some councelling & meds, a period of time get himself back on track without us putting much pressure on him.
He is 19 now and spending most of his time in his room. The last few months seemed okay, he was going out (shops) ocassionally, communicated a little, started to become more independent, claimed UC.
Then came another knock. This was last week. Last year he'd been looking at and downloading inappropriate material. They arrested him, took all his gadgets, had a look around the house and had a long chat with us. They were very supportive and gave us this website to look at.
We both felt shell-shocked the first few days, the world just stopped. A mix of emotions, guilt, disgust, hopelessness, confusion, fear, but also love for this very difficult young man, who needs so much love but is somehow unable to connect.
Hopefully he'll get the support he needs, and hopefully he'll accept the support that's offered.
Hello JF
I am so sorry you find yourself in this position. It may be a good idea if you and your son make contact with the helpline, if you haven't already. Your son could enrol in the young person's inform course which will help him make sense of why he has gone down this path.
I notice you say in your post that your son was socially awkward when he was younger when the police first visited and that in recent years he has self harmed and had suicidal thoughts and doesn't get out much or socialise. Before the recent police visit was your son currently receiving any help at all from any services like GP support or local mental health services? The struggles he has been having over recent years have very likely contributed to this path he has gone down.
Just a word of caution as you go through this process. Many of us on this forum would agree from our experience that the police are only interested in obtaining a conviction so just be careful not to get sucked into how nice they may appear. Any informal chats/interviews your son has with them in the future make sure he has a solicitor present with him.
I am thinking of you and your son.
I am so sorry you find yourself in this position. It may be a good idea if you and your son make contact with the helpline, if you haven't already. Your son could enrol in the young person's inform course which will help him make sense of why he has gone down this path.
I notice you say in your post that your son was socially awkward when he was younger when the police first visited and that in recent years he has self harmed and had suicidal thoughts and doesn't get out much or socialise. Before the recent police visit was your son currently receiving any help at all from any services like GP support or local mental health services? The struggles he has been having over recent years have very likely contributed to this path he has gone down.
Just a word of caution as you go through this process. Many of us on this forum would agree from our experience that the police are only interested in obtaining a conviction so just be careful not to get sucked into how nice they may appear. Any informal chats/interviews your son has with them in the future make sure he has a solicitor present with him.
I am thinking of you and your son.
Hi, hope you don't mind me posting as I usually lurk but don't comment. However, I've been through a similar scenario with my 16 year old (now 18).
Have you heard of F-secure? This has been a godsend for us. You put it on different devices and it controls what can be accessed.
Hope this helps
x
Have you heard of F-secure? This has been a godsend for us. You put it on different devices and it controls what can be accessed.
Hope this helps
x
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Thank you for you kind replies.
The police has dropped the bail conditions (whatever that entails) and I'm guessing it's a waiting game atm.
I've had a very busy few months, so this has been locked away in a quiet corner of my brain for now. Xmas was okay, he joined us for food, presents and a few games.
I've suggested a few things to him, including councelling as well as going out a bit more to help his depression. He's been seeing his dad a fair bit lately, but I don't know what other support he gets. He can be very secretive about these things.
We are not particularly close, but I've been gently trying to 'reconnect' a little the last 2 years. Being firm only pushes him away and makes him more anxious. Part of me wants to be firm, but the time is not right for that. The verdict, when it comes, might be the push he needs, we'll see.
This has been a hard year for us, and the adults are definately at the end of their tether, yet we keep going because we must go on.
Roll on a better 2023
The police has dropped the bail conditions (whatever that entails) and I'm guessing it's a waiting game atm.
I've had a very busy few months, so this has been locked away in a quiet corner of my brain for now. Xmas was okay, he joined us for food, presents and a few games.
I've suggested a few things to him, including councelling as well as going out a bit more to help his depression. He's been seeing his dad a fair bit lately, but I don't know what other support he gets. He can be very secretive about these things.
We are not particularly close, but I've been gently trying to 'reconnect' a little the last 2 years. Being firm only pushes him away and makes him more anxious. Part of me wants to be firm, but the time is not right for that. The verdict, when it comes, might be the push he needs, we'll see.
This has been a hard year for us, and the adults are definately at the end of their tether, yet we keep going because we must go on.
Roll on a better 2023