Telling work?
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My partner has been off of work for the past 3 weeks, since his arrest - the first week we were both off, as we came to terms with what is happening right now, and both our employers gave us this as compassionate leave. I have since been back at work for the last 2 weeks, and simply told my employer that I have some crap going on at home which will take a while to resolve and which I don’t want to talk about, I’d rather just throw myself into work as much as possible - they’re being SUPER understanding and supportive, especially as I’m still in my probation period.
My partner was signed off sick for 2 weeks due to stress/anxiety caused by all of this - again, his employer has been really supportive, but of course they don’t know the whole story. His work laptop was one of the items seized, which is going to make it difficult (though not entirely impossible) to do his job without a good explanation. The police have made it a priority item and have said that means it will take weeks not months (!) to complete the necessary checks, but can’t tell us more than that - so he’s back at work today with no laptop and basically having to tell lies about why he cannot access it.
I wondered what other people may have done in this situation? The news will come out to his employer at some point, I know, but we want to maintain some normality for as long as we can and don’t really want to tell them until strictly necessary.
I’m hopeful that he won’t end up with a custodial sentence (which I don’t think is overly optimistic, from my research and from the steps he is now taking?), and given that his work involves no access to young or vulnerable people, there is a (slim, I’m sure) possibility he could keep his job (that may be a bit more optimistic though!). But in the meantime, it’s lies upon lies - and part of me wonders if that will then go against him in the longer run?
Can anyone advise? Has anyone faced anything similar?
My partner was signed off sick for 2 weeks due to stress/anxiety caused by all of this - again, his employer has been really supportive, but of course they don’t know the whole story. His work laptop was one of the items seized, which is going to make it difficult (though not entirely impossible) to do his job without a good explanation. The police have made it a priority item and have said that means it will take weeks not months (!) to complete the necessary checks, but can’t tell us more than that - so he’s back at work today with no laptop and basically having to tell lies about why he cannot access it.
I wondered what other people may have done in this situation? The news will come out to his employer at some point, I know, but we want to maintain some normality for as long as we can and don’t really want to tell them until strictly necessary.
I’m hopeful that he won’t end up with a custodial sentence (which I don’t think is overly optimistic, from my research and from the steps he is now taking?), and given that his work involves no access to young or vulnerable people, there is a (slim, I’m sure) possibility he could keep his job (that may be a bit more optimistic though!). But in the meantime, it’s lies upon lies - and part of me wonders if that will then go against him in the longer run?
Can anyone advise? Has anyone faced anything similar?
Hi D, you're much further down the line than us, but his work phone is being checked which is making me rather nervous. Not that they'll find anything, but that he needs it to do his job, and doesn't currently have it, I'm scared questions will be asked. We need to keep earning money for as long as possible, just in case work is extremely difficult to come by afterwards. I hope you get through this tricky patch as easily as possible, with the least amount of aggravation.
If it helps at all Crystal, it took my partner about 3 or 4 days to get his work phone back, as there was nothing on it and he provided pin codes so they were able to access and search it without sending to forensics. They actually checked my phones at the property and would have checked my laptop and his laptop at the property had they been charged/had passwords. My laptop battery was dead so they had to take it, and I didn’t have his work password so they took that too.
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Could your partner take a few days off as sick/compassionate leave to hopefully give a few days to get the phone back?
No, he's just back after a week's holiday and as it's only just happened for us, feels if he stops he'll never get started again. If we get it back quickly, there should be no problem (fingers tightly crossed!)
Andrea that is still helpful to know. I’ve emphasised to my partner the importance of telling his employer if/when he is formally charged, and this just backs up that point. I can only hope they will be open minded, but appreciate that likely won’t be the case!
Fingers crossed for you Crystal! I know what you mean - today has been full of dread because it feels like such a long time has passed.
Hi,
My we had to tell work as he was in a sector that required the police to disclose. I didn’t tell work and 8 years down the line I have only told one person at work and that was my old boss and I didn’t tell him for at least 6 months. I had my work laptop and data sticks taken and it was just awful. But I wanted to keep a safe haven where I was normal and it helped me for people not to feel pity towards me. I could be wrong but it was right at the time.
My we had to tell work as he was in a sector that required the police to disclose. I didn’t tell work and 8 years down the line I have only told one person at work and that was my old boss and I didn’t tell him for at least 6 months. I had my work laptop and data sticks taken and it was just awful. But I wanted to keep a safe haven where I was normal and it helped me for people not to feel pity towards me. I could be wrong but it was right at the time.
Thank you for your perspective wife and mum, it really is helpful.
i think my partner will hold off telling work until he is formally charged (he was released under investigation but not charged yet), but he is in a role where it could hopefully not spell the end of his career. For me, it’s definitely not a problem in my current role though I could be subject to DBS in the future depending on the company and the exact role. I too am hoping it can remain a “safe haven” of sorts where I am still just me...
i think my partner will hold off telling work until he is formally charged (he was released under investigation but not charged yet), but he is in a role where it could hopefully not spell the end of his career. For me, it’s definitely not a problem in my current role though I could be subject to DBS in the future depending on the company and the exact role. I too am hoping it can remain a “safe haven” of sorts where I am still just me...
I told my work but simply because I was such a mess and needed their leniency for interviews with the police and social services etc. I had a lot of support from them. In my case, it was my then 19 year old son who has been charged and since convicted. I told his work when I had to and they held his job open until he was sentenced then let him go.
I think its a different dynamic when it’s your son rather than partner though it’s not easy whichever path we take.
I think its a different dynamic when it’s your son rather than partner though it’s not easy whichever path we take.
D, you are a few months on from our circumstances, my hustand was arrested on Saturday, all our electronic devices seized, it comes to light there is more to it all... infedelity. Where do you go next? I feel numb.
Andi, the numbness does ease a bit I promise. We are 5 weeks today and whilst I am still on a rollercoaster of emotions daily, things start getting back to normalish. This will take an awful lot of time and in my eyes I cannot sit and fester until the police come back to us. Give the Stop it guys a call if you feel able to, they have been my absolute lifeline and do not know what I would have done without them.