Head pounding and can’t stop crying
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Dear LostforWords - You won't bore us and don't be sorry...... Everyone one here sends their support as we've been there, I remember clearly the devastation overload.
Sending you one big hug my lovely xxx.
Sending you one big hug my lovely xxx.
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Oh my goodness, first of all, well done you for reaching out so early, you're a brave strong lady. Second, give it time, it's all raw right now. Learn the facts and don't make any decisions right now because it's a long long process. Also don't believe everythe police says. Get him a good solicitor and look after yourself, ring help. Line here, he can call. Them. Too, or you're gp. Don't tell anyone yet until. You're sure they can be trusted. We are all here for you rant away sweetheart x
Lost4Words
I am so sorry to read your post
You are definitely in the right place for help and support,
We have all been where your are right now
Huge hugs sent xx
I am so sorry to read your post
You are definitely in the right place for help and support,
We have all been where your are right now
Huge hugs sent xx
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Hey Lost4Words,
I'm so sorry you find yourself here. It's sickening, you ask yourself constantly when you're going to wake up from this nightmare but you don't. It feels like you've had the wind knocked out of you right now but I promise things will get better and you will find ways to cope.
Early days advice- don't tell anyone YET if you can manage, allow yourself to grieve and get your head around things, don't beat yourself up - you're innocent in all of this.
The whole process takes a few months and this gives you time to decide what you want to do. You're not over a barrell to leave him today, nor do you have to stay. Please reach out with any questions you have or even just to vent. You're not alone and we are all in this together xx
I'm so sorry you find yourself here. It's sickening, you ask yourself constantly when you're going to wake up from this nightmare but you don't. It feels like you've had the wind knocked out of you right now but I promise things will get better and you will find ways to cope.
Early days advice- don't tell anyone YET if you can manage, allow yourself to grieve and get your head around things, don't beat yourself up - you're innocent in all of this.
The whole process takes a few months and this gives you time to decide what you want to do. You're not over a barrell to leave him today, nor do you have to stay. Please reach out with any questions you have or even just to vent. You're not alone and we are all in this together xx
Hi,
Definitely reach out on here. Unfortunately, we all have experienced what you're going through.
All I will say is, take all the time you need and do whatever it takes to get you through each day. Self-care is key. It's very easy to turn the blame/hurt inwards, so please look after yourself.
Each day is excruciating, but it does become more manageable. I'm a year down the line with my stepson, with no outcome as yet.
Take care xxxx
Definitely reach out on here. Unfortunately, we all have experienced what you're going through.
All I will say is, take all the time you need and do whatever it takes to get you through each day. Self-care is key. It's very easy to turn the blame/hurt inwards, so please look after yourself.
Each day is excruciating, but it does become more manageable. I'm a year down the line with my stepson, with no outcome as yet.
Take care xxxx
Hello,
Sorry your find yourself here, we have all walked this journey and totally understand how you are feeling. Don't make any rash decisions, just wait for the police to come back to you. As someone said they can take as long as they like. We had 12 months between the seizing of devices and the results of the analysis.
We are all here for you xx
Sorry your find yourself here, we have all walked this journey and totally understand how you are feeling. Don't make any rash decisions, just wait for the police to come back to you. As someone said they can take as long as they like. We had 12 months between the seizing of devices and the results of the analysis.
We are all here for you xx
I the dreaded knock 11 weeks ago. It was a life-changing moment not just for me but also my adult children.
Although the police were really good to me and the children they didn't follow through with any of the support they offered. I had to find out about this site myself through internet searches.
My husband was arrested, our home and lives turned upside down that dreadful morning. I can't even imagine him doing what they said but he must have. They traced the IP address. They searched all devices and only took his phone. He was questioned and allowed to leave RUI pending. He doesn't have any previous at all. Has never broken the law. He's just an ordinary, middle-aged granddad who has always been loved, trusted and respected by everyone around him. I can't get my head round what he's been doing. He says it was sexual chat with someone with he believed was pretending to be a minor as he's had chats before with what he believed were women but turned out to be men. He says he had two conversations with the same "minor". The police said they don't have the details of the conversation but that it could have been a decoy. They also said if nothing more is found the whole thing could be dropped. We had dozens of officers at our home that morning. The whole thing was overwhelming to say the least.
I've questioned my husband several times. He's depressed and has wanted to end his life. He says he's not that way inclined but got carried away and was bored. Lame excuse I know.
When I asked if there were other minors he could have chatted to, at first he said no and that he didn't even remember the one he was arrested for but now his answer is "possibly". This scares the hell out of me. He is adamant though that no photos were requested or exchanged. I hope he's being honest but I can never be sure as I don't know him anymore. I do love him but not sure who it is I love.
The police said the searches of all chats could take 4/5 months and we've contacted our solicitor to get updates but haven't had anything.
I can't share this with anyone. I'm so shamed and scared. He's been told not to tell his employer or other people so for now we try and continue as normal. The kids won't come to visit or speak to him. I'm scared more may come out. He may go to prison, lose his freedom and livelihood and our home.
Can anyone offer any advice pls. I'm desperate.
Although the police were really good to me and the children they didn't follow through with any of the support they offered. I had to find out about this site myself through internet searches.
My husband was arrested, our home and lives turned upside down that dreadful morning. I can't even imagine him doing what they said but he must have. They traced the IP address. They searched all devices and only took his phone. He was questioned and allowed to leave RUI pending. He doesn't have any previous at all. Has never broken the law. He's just an ordinary, middle-aged granddad who has always been loved, trusted and respected by everyone around him. I can't get my head round what he's been doing. He says it was sexual chat with someone with he believed was pretending to be a minor as he's had chats before with what he believed were women but turned out to be men. He says he had two conversations with the same "minor". The police said they don't have the details of the conversation but that it could have been a decoy. They also said if nothing more is found the whole thing could be dropped. We had dozens of officers at our home that morning. The whole thing was overwhelming to say the least.
I've questioned my husband several times. He's depressed and has wanted to end his life. He says he's not that way inclined but got carried away and was bored. Lame excuse I know.
When I asked if there were other minors he could have chatted to, at first he said no and that he didn't even remember the one he was arrested for but now his answer is "possibly". This scares the hell out of me. He is adamant though that no photos were requested or exchanged. I hope he's being honest but I can never be sure as I don't know him anymore. I do love him but not sure who it is I love.
The police said the searches of all chats could take 4/5 months and we've contacted our solicitor to get updates but haven't had anything.
I can't share this with anyone. I'm so shamed and scared. He's been told not to tell his employer or other people so for now we try and continue as normal. The kids won't come to visit or speak to him. I'm scared more may come out. He may go to prison, lose his freedom and livelihood and our home.
Can anyone offer any advice pls. I'm desperate.
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Thank you for replying Lost4Words. X
Today is a really bad day for me. I've woken up not wanting to get out of bed or be alive. I feared this day and thought I was managing but it's caught up with me. My OH told me yesterday he has thoughts about ending it all and making it easier for everyone. He stupidly thinks that would make life easier??? Knowing how he feels has just tipped me over the edge. The thought of him losing his freedom, job, our home and family is too much. I could walk away and the thought of doing that makes me feel like I can breathe again but at my age this also fills me with fear. Being alone wasn't part of the plan.
Sending love to all who are reading this. Life can be so cruel. X
Today is a really bad day for me. I've woken up not wanting to get out of bed or be alive. I feared this day and thought I was managing but it's caught up with me. My OH told me yesterday he has thoughts about ending it all and making it easier for everyone. He stupidly thinks that would make life easier??? Knowing how he feels has just tipped me over the edge. The thought of him losing his freedom, job, our home and family is too much. I could walk away and the thought of doing that makes me feel like I can breathe again but at my age this also fills me with fear. Being alone wasn't part of the plan.
Sending love to all who are reading this. Life can be so cruel. X
Rig22 I don't think this situation was ever part of anyone's plan! I was completely ignorant about this type of offending and have had a crash course, although I would prefer not to have known, I feel like I have lost my innocence.
I hope you feel better soon, I try to keep myself busy and do things I enjoy, a d try to think of all the good things that are still in my life, although the situation is alway at the back of my mind, and I do grieve for the future I thought I was going to have and other aspects of my life that I have lost or am likely to lose.
I hope you feel better soon, I try to keep myself busy and do things I enjoy, a d try to think of all the good things that are still in my life, although the situation is alway at the back of my mind, and I do grieve for the future I thought I was going to have and other aspects of my life that I have lost or am likely to lose.
Hello all,
sorry for not replying to anyone who posted on my message, but I have not been well. I suffer with unstable angina and had 2 bad attacks, so wasn't up to doing anything.
I did say on a previous post that I was leaving OH (for a second time), but my own ill health prevented me from leaving. So I am still here, still have loads of questions, but still don't seem to be getting anywhere ????????
He has told me that he reported an indecent image to IP that was sent to him??? If this is true, can the police prove this or would he still get charged?
They told him at the station that a photo had been found on a device in the house (whilst they were searching), and it was of 2 children in a garden. He was never shown this photo, so he could not say if it was his niece and nephew or random kids.....I have since wondered if it could be photos of my nieces (which was family pic way before me and him met). Am I allowed to ask the police if I can see the photo?
sorry for not replying to anyone who posted on my message, but I have not been well. I suffer with unstable angina and had 2 bad attacks, so wasn't up to doing anything.
I did say on a previous post that I was leaving OH (for a second time), but my own ill health prevented me from leaving. So I am still here, still have loads of questions, but still don't seem to be getting anywhere ????????
He has told me that he reported an indecent image to IP that was sent to him??? If this is true, can the police prove this or would he still get charged?
They told him at the station that a photo had been found on a device in the house (whilst they were searching), and it was of 2 children in a garden. He was never shown this photo, so he could not say if it was his niece and nephew or random kids.....I have since wondered if it could be photos of my nieces (which was family pic way before me and him met). Am I allowed to ask the police if I can see the photo?
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Lost4words
I doubt the police will show you what they found, unless they decide they need you to confirm the identities of anyone in any photos they consider to be illegal. If it is the innocent family photograph that you are thinking of, I think this is unlikely to be the main focus of the police investigation.
You will not get to know what they found until the court stage, if it gets that far, unless your partner give his permission to his legal representative to disclose. Even in court I understand it will only be descriptions of the images read out.
It's always difficult in this situation to know if the accused/arrested person is telling the truth to their family. It may be they don't want to admit the truth to themselves. I see from a previous post that your person had not protested his innocence, which is something to think about.
If images are found, it is possible that were downloaded unknowingly, or not searched for. Whatever happens, you may ultimately have to resign yourself to the fact that you will never know the truth. It's tough, I'm living this too. Hang in there, it must be difficult when at the same time you have a serious health condition.
I doubt the police will show you what they found, unless they decide they need you to confirm the identities of anyone in any photos they consider to be illegal. If it is the innocent family photograph that you are thinking of, I think this is unlikely to be the main focus of the police investigation.
You will not get to know what they found until the court stage, if it gets that far, unless your partner give his permission to his legal representative to disclose. Even in court I understand it will only be descriptions of the images read out.
It's always difficult in this situation to know if the accused/arrested person is telling the truth to their family. It may be they don't want to admit the truth to themselves. I see from a previous post that your person had not protested his innocence, which is something to think about.
If images are found, it is possible that were downloaded unknowingly, or not searched for. Whatever happens, you may ultimately have to resign yourself to the fact that you will never know the truth. It's tough, I'm living this too. Hang in there, it must be difficult when at the same time you have a serious health condition.