I'm so confused
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I don't know where to start. My 21 year old son was arrested yesterday at home for having indecent images on his phone. He's been released under investigation while they go through all his devices.
He's admitted to me today he looked years ago when he was 16/17, didn't realise at first that they were young teens but says he then deleted all images. Images were uploaded from a phone to twitter and twitter reported it. He says he has no idea why.
I'm horrified, I don't mind admitting that I wished him dead yesterday.
I called the help line on here this morning and was given lots of advice and was able to reach out to a friend.
I'm so scared for the future. My husband wants nothing to do with him, my youngest son (15) won't talk (very early I know) and I both want to kick him out and help him get through this. I'm so stuck.
He's staying with us, I can't kick him out into the streets, he's stayed in his room all day. He's promised he isn't a bad person but I'm so mixed up in my head.
He's admitted to me today he looked years ago when he was 16/17, didn't realise at first that they were young teens but says he then deleted all images. Images were uploaded from a phone to twitter and twitter reported it. He says he has no idea why.
I'm horrified, I don't mind admitting that I wished him dead yesterday.
I called the help line on here this morning and was given lots of advice and was able to reach out to a friend.
I'm so scared for the future. My husband wants nothing to do with him, my youngest son (15) won't talk (very early I know) and I both want to kick him out and help him get through this. I'm so stuck.
He's staying with us, I can't kick him out into the streets, he's stayed in his room all day. He's promised he isn't a bad person but I'm so mixed up in my head.
First of all, please ring the helpline, it's very early days and your head will be a mess of emotions, we've all been there. Let things settle before you all make any big decisions. It will be a long time b4 any progress is made so try to get your son some help in the meantime., but he has to want to help himself. I'm sure he's just made a huge mistake and he's a good person. Everyone makes mistakes his is just a lot more life distroying. Xx
This is a very very similar situation to mine my son was 22 when arrested last year.
I know the value and worth of my son
I know he is a genuinely good human being who thro low self worth made a terrible decision
That is 1% of my son
My children are loved and supported by me, unconditionally - I made that decision when I chose to bring them into the world
This is such a complex horrible journey, my son has been suicidal for over a year now
I am the only person he has, and your son needs you - the rest of society will judge and not be kind, and very rarely are these situations due to selfish gratification - my son has been diagnosed with cpstd and other stuff, stemming from trauma at secondary school, he has no self worth, he listhes himself
I have worked with trafficked people, I in no way minimise what these offences, but your son is not a monster or whatever vile incorrect labels ,thoughts others have for those who view iioc
Do ring the helpline
Do contact SaferLives too for support
They have an online group for partners/mum's. It has totally kept me still standing
I have from day 1 of the knock told my son I love him 100% and am proud to be his mother, and however impossibly hard this is (am single parent) nothing will ever change that
Love to you x
I know the value and worth of my son
I know he is a genuinely good human being who thro low self worth made a terrible decision
That is 1% of my son
My children are loved and supported by me, unconditionally - I made that decision when I chose to bring them into the world
This is such a complex horrible journey, my son has been suicidal for over a year now
I am the only person he has, and your son needs you - the rest of society will judge and not be kind, and very rarely are these situations due to selfish gratification - my son has been diagnosed with cpstd and other stuff, stemming from trauma at secondary school, he has no self worth, he listhes himself
I have worked with trafficked people, I in no way minimise what these offences, but your son is not a monster or whatever vile incorrect labels ,thoughts others have for those who view iioc
Do ring the helpline
Do contact SaferLives too for support
They have an online group for partners/mum's. It has totally kept me still standing
I have from day 1 of the knock told my son I love him 100% and am proud to be his mother, and however impossibly hard this is (am single parent) nothing will ever change that
Love to you x
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Smile , Daff
I to will stand by my son always xx
I to will stand by my son always xx
I spoke to the helpline, they were really helpful.
I do love him, with all my heart but I'm horrified at what he did. I feel like I'm being torn in two. I want to support him, I want to help him through all this but it's blown our family apart. My other son just doesn't know what to think and my husband, he wants nothing to do with him. I've tried to talk about it but he won't. How are we supposed to live? How do we carry on as a family after this?
The lady I spoke to on the help line said it can be trauma related, there are things that happened as he grew up, and as a young adult that were horrible. Not abuse, just awful sad things, deaths, suicides and a life changing accident. I feel like I'm making excuses when I remind my husband about these things. He can't see past what he looked at and I get it, it's horrible but we all have to live together somehow.
I'm scared to death he'll end up in prison, it'll destroy him. I've read that being released under investigation means there's no time scale. This could be hanging over our heads for years, how do we even live with this awful thing that who knows when will result in another knock at the door, I imagine?
I do love him, with all my heart but I'm horrified at what he did. I feel like I'm being torn in two. I want to support him, I want to help him through all this but it's blown our family apart. My other son just doesn't know what to think and my husband, he wants nothing to do with him. I've tried to talk about it but he won't. How are we supposed to live? How do we carry on as a family after this?
The lady I spoke to on the help line said it can be trauma related, there are things that happened as he grew up, and as a young adult that were horrible. Not abuse, just awful sad things, deaths, suicides and a life changing accident. I feel like I'm making excuses when I remind my husband about these things. He can't see past what he looked at and I get it, it's horrible but we all have to live together somehow.
I'm scared to death he'll end up in prison, it'll destroy him. I've read that being released under investigation means there's no time scale. This could be hanging over our heads for years, how do we even live with this awful thing that who knows when will result in another knock at the door, I imagine?
Oh, your posts have brought tears to my eyes( I mean, I'm constantly on the verge anyway ????)
I really understand the pain and anguish that partners of offenders go through, especially if they have kids together, and obvs it's not a competition, but it's impossible to describe how this feels when it is your own flesh and blood , your child ( be they biologically yours, adopted,step kids) xx
I really understand the pain and anguish that partners of offenders go through, especially if they have kids together, and obvs it's not a competition, but it's impossible to describe how this feels when it is your own flesh and blood , your child ( be they biologically yours, adopted,step kids) xx
Perfectly put weewitch..
Solidarity and love, moms xx
Lots of love to partners too xx
Solidarity and love, moms xx
Lots of love to partners too xx
You're right Lee - no matter who our person is, we are all connected through this experience.
X
X
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You are all so lovely. I've never felt lonelier in my life and I think you may have already saved me from going under.
Your advice Daffodil is good advice. We were all so upset we just left my son to deal with it so with hindsight he was thrown in with the wolves. I still feel (guilt) we should have supported him in getting more help right at the beginning
But it is difficult esp as families are ripped to shreds at the time and you carnt begin to think straight. A crime within the family causes even more distruction, like being in the middle of a war zone.
Give everyone and yourself time - / your in panic mode - Confused / it's horrible, I know.... hugs x
But it is difficult esp as families are ripped to shreds at the time and you carnt begin to think straight. A crime within the family causes even more distruction, like being in the middle of a war zone.
Give everyone and yourself time - / your in panic mode - Confused / it's horrible, I know.... hugs x
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Thankyou x