Family and Friends Forum

We had our Initial Child Protection Conference mid July. At that point although my OH was not living at home, he was spending time at home with my supervision.

My advise would be to be realistic about what you want. I didn't want my children to experience any change, i wanted to fake it for their sakes and pretend that daddy was still at home. Because I pushed for this I was seen as "minimising". I was just desperate and in hindsight spoke more about my husband than my children...... not a mistake I will make again. Now I can only supervise contact in the community and our SW has said that reading the report from the conference she's surprised we even got that. Again, with hindsight, my husband having minimal contact has been a good thing for my mental health and the children have coped better than expected, I think they appreciate that the tension has been removed from the home. I have a teenager, ss have mentioned phone contact several times, they do not like it as it can not be fully supervised or managed. My OH does not have our daughters telephone number.

During the conference you may here things you don't want to, and you may find it daunting. Just try to remain calm.

That's what I thought. I mentioned my children's mental health and emotional wellbeing repeatedly. I honestly believe that SS see our children as 1 dimensional and only care about potential sexual harm.

Hi both

So we never got to CPC as we ended up on a child in need plan - but they did threaten this so I looked it all up.



Have you looked on the family rights group website? They have some excellent information as to what to expect and also advise on how to behave. You can also call their helpline and get some free advise as to what to do and say ect. They are really very good. They have a forum too and they will respond but it is a little bit slow.



In general the best advise is to be calm, clear and never ever say you don't think your person is a harm to your children. Always acknowledge the risk. If you can do some safeguarding research and courses this is a great thing to do. The NSPCC do an online one for around £20 which is very good. It shows you are willing to safeguard and know what to look for.
Being proactive is also something they really look for. In our case I was pregnant with our first at the time of arrest so I did have a little more time to play with. But I created a safety plan to put into place for when baby was here - includes things that show he would never be unsupervised and how I would handle that. By doing they they were happy for us to go onto child in need plan.



It is also good if you can show you have family support. Who is there to help you and aware of the situation.



It's also super important that your person is open and honest with them from the start. If they are this massively helps.



Finally, I hate to say this, but it really depends on your local authority and SW. We were some of the lucky ones. You could do all of this and they still not work well with you. If that happens you can request new workers. Stand your ground. You have done nothing wrong.



I hope that helps

From my experience, me staying calm was seen as a negative. I was repeatedly questioned as to why I was so "rational". I did a safety plan, that was ignored. The chair of my case is very rigid and I don't believe she looks at 3ach case individually, even the safeguarding lead from my child's school said that I wasn't being listened too.

Our SW has advised this course. It's cheaper than nspcc and specifically for parents. The nspcc one is more general. That said I have done the nspcc one for SEN children as I have 2 autistic children.

https://www.keystosafeguarding.com/product/hsb-parents/

In hindsight I do see how SS see supervising three children in the home is more difficult that just one, particularly at the ages my children are.

Sorry to jump in, just wondering about the maximise course- would it be useful for non-parents?

I need to do something at some point as I feel I need to show I know enough about safeguarding as I might be around my partner's kids in the future (from a previous relationship)

My husband came. He is quite a generally negative person, he felt cornered and not heard. The result was that he can across as though he "doesn't take responsibility".

I think looks better that they attend than don't but he needs to be prepared.

My OH has been very proactive in sharing information to SS. He even phoned and invited her to see him while I was on holiday with the kids to prove that he didn't come with us. He also gave details of his Stop SO therapist so that they could conform his attendance.

Very much the same as us except that my OH is allowed supervised contact in the community.

I've been told to that there is a possibility that they will try to stop me supervising contact because they worry my ability to. We have played the game the entire way through, my OH has contacted SW himself because she had no contact with him. We've done all the courses, he has moved out etc. It feels like they are now just looking for things because we have done everything they asked for.