Helping partner cope
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Hi kat1
My hub went to the Drs I went with him and they prescribe him with medication. Hes slowly coming off them.
He went to see a Dr he not seen before who was excellent and he put him on the mental health team. He had a few session with the NHS and then once a month mental health team and phone call in between.
We now had a problem with one of the mental health team, which has become a safeguarding issue and the person has had to have a warning. Other then that it's all be positive for him.
Anne
My hub went to the Drs I went with him and they prescribe him with medication. Hes slowly coming off them.
He went to see a Dr he not seen before who was excellent and he put him on the mental health team. He had a few session with the NHS and then once a month mental health team and phone call in between.
We now had a problem with one of the mental health team, which has become a safeguarding issue and the person has had to have a warning. Other then that it's all be positive for him.
Anne
Sorry to hear you're going through this Kat.
First and foremost, he should be leading on his mental health with a small amount of support from you on the sidelines.
He needs to put things in place to ensure that he has a stable income and a place to live. Then he can focus on putting accommodations such a therapy, medication and a social network of support to help him out.
As for going out, as silly as it may sound, Get a wig, a pair of fake glasses and a mask. It's totally normal to wear a mask around the day all the time and a wig different to his hair with glasses will help him blend out in the streets. He won't be him and it would be difficult for people to spot him without taking on his make down and his wig off.
You're the first priority here, with your child. He's got to do this on his own now and you need to let him.
I know because I constantly supported my partner, to the point where I became controlling and overbearing over things I couldn't control. That's my way of caring but it's not healthy. I've learned to care a little less and relax a little more.
Its his stuff to deal with, not mine. I give him my advice twice a maximum and leave the rest to him if he doesn't listen. For example probation sent him a letter about missing his unpaiud work and didn't think it meant much because he'd already spoken to them about it. I said okay, that's fine, if that's what you want to do but that's not how I read the letter.
He got frustrated because I didn't believe him, but I sowed a seed of doubt in his mind. Good thing I did. Probation spoke to that team again and told them why (he works during the day so cannot afford to take time off to do unpaid work).
We're here to support them, not baby them
First and foremost, he should be leading on his mental health with a small amount of support from you on the sidelines.
He needs to put things in place to ensure that he has a stable income and a place to live. Then he can focus on putting accommodations such a therapy, medication and a social network of support to help him out.
As for going out, as silly as it may sound, Get a wig, a pair of fake glasses and a mask. It's totally normal to wear a mask around the day all the time and a wig different to his hair with glasses will help him blend out in the streets. He won't be him and it would be difficult for people to spot him without taking on his make down and his wig off.
You're the first priority here, with your child. He's got to do this on his own now and you need to let him.
I know because I constantly supported my partner, to the point where I became controlling and overbearing over things I couldn't control. That's my way of caring but it's not healthy. I've learned to care a little less and relax a little more.
Its his stuff to deal with, not mine. I give him my advice twice a maximum and leave the rest to him if he doesn't listen. For example probation sent him a letter about missing his unpaiud work and didn't think it meant much because he'd already spoken to them about it. I said okay, that's fine, if that's what you want to do but that's not how I read the letter.
He got frustrated because I didn't believe him, but I sowed a seed of doubt in his mind. Good thing I did. Probation spoke to that team again and told them why (he works during the day so cannot afford to take time off to do unpaid work).
We're here to support them, not baby them
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It's so hard when they are feeling low, I know I worried that I didn't want to add to my person's worries by pushing back to them that it was making things much harder for me. I leant quite heavily on someone during this process, they very kindly and sensitively said that they wanted to help me and be there for me but they felt they were at the limit of the support they could provide, not because they couldn't cope emotionally but they recognised how complex all the feelings related to this crime are and they didn't feel equipped to give me the support I needed. It had been too easy to keep going to them because they were always there ( still are) but hearing this from them actually helped me, pull my socks up, change my attitude and get some help. I also think they withdrew a little in the type / way they supported me - Weren't quite as avaliable.
I think it's a fine line between being there to support and enabling the behaviour / attitude to continue.
I think it's a fine line between being there to support and enabling the behaviour / attitude to continue.
I supported my ex. I spent 2 years giving excuses, arranging supervised contact, sorting holidays et during investgation. . He seemed to carry on as normal while I was on the edge.
He lied and when I found out ( when it went to CPS) he tried to kill himself. That was when I cut contact. I realised that I could no longer be responsible for him. It would have destroyed me and I needed to be there for my teens.
It nearly destroyed me to not help the man I had loved ( and still did at that point) but I needed to walk away for my own sanity. I couldn't continue to have this man in the life of my teen. I had to put us first, I wish I had done it sooner but
Whatever we do we all need to stop feeling guilty for whatever support we can or cannot give. We didn't commit the crime (whatever the reason) and we need to put ourselves and any children first.
Sending love x
He lied and when I found out ( when it went to CPS) he tried to kill himself. That was when I cut contact. I realised that I could no longer be responsible for him. It would have destroyed me and I needed to be there for my teens.
It nearly destroyed me to not help the man I had loved ( and still did at that point) but I needed to walk away for my own sanity. I couldn't continue to have this man in the life of my teen. I had to put us first, I wish I had done it sooner but
Whatever we do we all need to stop feeling guilty for whatever support we can or cannot give. We didn't commit the crime (whatever the reason) and we need to put ourselves and any children first.
Sending love x
I'm really struggling with this myself. I trying to support my OH but I've had to make it clear in recent weeks that I won't do it at the expense of my own wellbeing or children. It was difficult initially but it has forced him to start standing on his own two feet.
I'm finding that he is feeling very lonely and isolated, no amount of support from me is going to take that away while he is living away from his family.
I'm finding that he is feeling very lonely and isolated, no amount of support from me is going to take that away while he is living away from his family.
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