Family and Friends Forum

Hi kat1

My hub went to the Drs I went with him and they prescribe him with medication. Hes slowly coming off them.

He went to see a Dr he not seen before who was excellent and he put him on the mental health team. He had a few session with the NHS and then once a month mental health team and phone call in between.

We now had a problem with one of the mental health team, which has become a safeguarding issue and the person has had to have a warning. Other then that it's all be positive for him.

Anne

It's so hard when they are feeling low, I know I worried that I didn't want to add to my person's worries by pushing back to them that it was making things much harder for me. I leant quite heavily on someone during this process, they very kindly and sensitively said that they wanted to help me and be there for me but they felt they were at the limit of the support they could provide, not because they couldn't cope emotionally but they recognised how complex all the feelings related to this crime are and they didn't feel equipped to give me the support I needed. It had been too easy to keep going to them because they were always there ( still are) but hearing this from them actually helped me, pull my socks up, change my attitude and get some help. I also think they withdrew a little in the type / way they supported me - Weren't quite as avaliable.

I think it's a fine line between being there to support and enabling the behaviour / attitude to continue.

I supported my ex. I spent 2 years giving excuses, arranging supervised contact, sorting holidays et during investgation. . He seemed to carry on as normal while I was on the edge.

He lied and when I found out ( when it went to CPS) he tried to kill himself. That was when I cut contact. I realised that I could no longer be responsible for him. It would have destroyed me and I needed to be there for my teens.

It nearly destroyed me to not help the man I had loved ( and still did at that point) but I needed to walk away for my own sanity. I couldn't continue to have this man in the life of my teen. I had to put us first, I wish I had done it sooner but

Whatever we do we all need to stop feeling guilty for whatever support we can or cannot give. We didn't commit the crime (whatever the reason) and we need to put ourselves and any children first.

Sending love x

I'm really struggling with this myself. I trying to support my OH but I've had to make it clear in recent weeks that I won't do it at the expense of my own wellbeing or children. It was difficult initially but it has forced him to start standing on his own two feet.

I'm finding that he is feeling very lonely and isolated, no amount of support from me is going to take that away while he is living away from his family.