Struggling
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It's been 3 months since the knock. We have split I'm now living with mum who has Alzhiemers .. we are still in contact he is doing things to help out probably due to guilt. The thing I'm struggling with is no one knows why we split either side of the family. They think it is just an amicable split and I sometimes think why shouldn't they know ( I couldn't begin to tell them )..he is going about his every day life as normal.. well probably as normal as he can and I still can't get this out of my head all the time. He has said he can handle anything he has coming but if family found out he would be so devastated .. I would not want to hurt his family at all. It is his mums birthday next week and I won't be there, due to this amicable split! I know I have made my decision .. Just ranting x
Sending Love to you Barb, it's such rollercoaster of emotion this journey, I am too having a down day, Its like feeling every emotion at once and your body and mind don't know how to cope, Sadness, Anger, Loss, scared, worry. I think a lot of us on here if not all will have PTSD. I wish I could help xxx
Thank you both.. yes I know I have to concentrate on me now. Otherwise I'm just making it much harder for myself than what it already is.
I know that I have to get through this as best I can.
I know that I have to get through this as best I can.
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Thank you Polly Pocket
He has said he can switch it off but I'm sure when he is on his own he thinks about it. He is keeping really busy and I get why. I'm calmer today and getting in with my own things. I am a terrible over thinker something I am going to work on.
I am so grateful for the advice on here.
He has said he can switch it off but I'm sure when he is on his own he thinks about it. He is keeping really busy and I get why. I'm calmer today and getting in with my own things. I am a terrible over thinker something I am going to work on.
I am so grateful for the advice on here.
Barb,
I agree with Polly, think carefully about telling, once it's out there you can't take it back. Of have any control over how far it gets. But I do understand that feeling of it being a secret that burns a hole in you
I too suffer from overthinking. A few tips from me that I find helpful:
Keep reminding yourself that this is not your fault. I find it's easy for me to feel shame about the situation, which is completely wrong. This is not my fault.
Keep yourself busy. Whatever hobbies you have, gardening, crafts, knitting, theatre, sporting activities, singing, etc, ramp them up. Join a group, if you can. Spend time doing stuff you love with like minded people. It's incredibly therapeutic. When you have something completely unrelated in common to talk about and do together, there's no need to think about or talk about the elephant in your head.
Keep a journal where you can write down all of your thoughts that feel too terrible to say out loud. I find this helps get them out of my head where they are not good for me.
If you can afford, it offloading periodically to a counsellor can be very helpful. They can't remove the underlying cause of your distress but they can provide a confidential listening ear.
Finally, remember that you're not alone. There are so many of us in this group.
I agree with Polly, think carefully about telling, once it's out there you can't take it back. Of have any control over how far it gets. But I do understand that feeling of it being a secret that burns a hole in you
I too suffer from overthinking. A few tips from me that I find helpful:
Keep reminding yourself that this is not your fault. I find it's easy for me to feel shame about the situation, which is completely wrong. This is not my fault.
Keep yourself busy. Whatever hobbies you have, gardening, crafts, knitting, theatre, sporting activities, singing, etc, ramp them up. Join a group, if you can. Spend time doing stuff you love with like minded people. It's incredibly therapeutic. When you have something completely unrelated in common to talk about and do together, there's no need to think about or talk about the elephant in your head.
Keep a journal where you can write down all of your thoughts that feel too terrible to say out loud. I find this helps get them out of my head where they are not good for me.
If you can afford, it offloading periodically to a counsellor can be very helpful. They can't remove the underlying cause of your distress but they can provide a confidential listening ear.
Finally, remember that you're not alone. There are so many of us in this group.
My daughter's partner didn't tell anyone but his parents ,but her family all knew and supported them both through it . It meant that there were no secrets and worked for them/us. We,her family , helped with finance too . It took a couple of years to come to court .He lived with members of her family for nearly a year .
It was also possible for the offender to go to family events as we were all ok'd by Social Services for supervision .
It also meant that as we all (adults) knew ,it could be talked about .
It was also possible for the offender to go to family events as we were all ok'd by Social Services for supervision .
It also meant that as we all (adults) knew ,it could be talked about .