Baby girl coming tomorrow
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I had my SS visit yesterday and it's been a week now since 'the knock'. I told them my baby's dad could have a few hours every other day visitation once my daughter is born tomorrow. I've woken up this morning wondering if I even want that. They seemed happy I was a safeguarding factor and wasn't in denial or anything but said they'd pay me another visit once baby is here.
Im so angry that I basically have to do this newborn phase by myself. (With my Parents help) How can I possibly have any sympathy for someone who's put me in this situation and how am I gonna feel having to see him every other day knowing he doesn't live here anymore and gets to 'bond' but not do any of the hard/sleepless nights etc.
SS was asking if I'd be happy to let baby go with him to his mums for supervised visits. This was a hard no. I don't want her out of my sight.
If someone had told me this was how everything was going to pan out a week and a day ago, before that dreaded knock I'd seriously of laughed at them. Not my loving partner, not the man I've been with for 5 years, not the character that never breaks the law/is so risk adverse...and yet here I am, about to go for my pre op appointment with someone I don't think I even know anymore/never really knew.
The betrayal alone is killing me, a severe porn addiction our entire relationship, that he hid so well, like so many others I've read on here, I never had a clue.
Im so angry that I basically have to do this newborn phase by myself. (With my Parents help) How can I possibly have any sympathy for someone who's put me in this situation and how am I gonna feel having to see him every other day knowing he doesn't live here anymore and gets to 'bond' but not do any of the hard/sleepless nights etc.
SS was asking if I'd be happy to let baby go with him to his mums for supervised visits. This was a hard no. I don't want her out of my sight.
If someone had told me this was how everything was going to pan out a week and a day ago, before that dreaded knock I'd seriously of laughed at them. Not my loving partner, not the man I've been with for 5 years, not the character that never breaks the law/is so risk adverse...and yet here I am, about to go for my pre op appointment with someone I don't think I even know anymore/never really knew.
The betrayal alone is killing me, a severe porn addiction our entire relationship, that he hid so well, like so many others I've read on here, I never had a clue.
Bless you my lovely - a new baby girl - keep strong ..... you come first......
the secrecy aspect is very very hard to bear. How can someone you love and trust do these things behind your back and carry on a normal routine. I'm still gob smacked by this aspect. But when I look back I can now see things that I should perhaps have questioned with my son - but with hindsight and all :(
you take care x
the secrecy aspect is very very hard to bear. How can someone you love and trust do these things behind your back and carry on a normal routine. I'm still gob smacked by this aspect. But when I look back I can now see things that I should perhaps have questioned with my son - but with hindsight and all :(
you take care x
So much of what you say resonate with me. My OH hid a massive drug addiction from me as well as the porn addiction. I don't know if I will ever believe a word his says again.
Now onto the positive........ you are having a beautiful baby girl tomorrow. I have been blessed with 2 daughters and they bring me joy every day. Let me tell you, you can do this!!!! The minute you hold that baby in your arms, you will feel the strength you need to protect her everyday until your last. I'm not saying it will be easy but nothing worth having is easy.
Congratulations, enjoy it every minute x
Now onto the positive........ you are having a beautiful baby girl tomorrow. I have been blessed with 2 daughters and they bring me joy every day. Let me tell you, you can do this!!!! The minute you hold that baby in your arms, you will feel the strength you need to protect her everyday until your last. I'm not saying it will be easy but nothing worth having is easy.
Congratulations, enjoy it every minute x
Hi,
I'm so sorry that you're in this situation. I can completely relate to your feelings around allowing him to bond with your baby without doing any of the hard work. I was 3 months pregnant at the knock and gave birth in the same week as sentencing and him being released from remand.
Our daughter is his first but I have older children so deciding to start all over again and then having to do it on my own has been hard at times.
Some advice that I'd give for the early days with a newborn, don't feel that you have to do the amount of visits you've said to ss. Seeing him every couple of days whilst going through this and the hormonal changes with a newborn may be tough. Don't feel guilty for setting/changing your boundaries depending on your emotional needs. When he does come over if there is anything he can do practically like washing up, sterilising baby's stuff, cooking etc let him do that. It will help with how you feel if you're not trying to do everything while he just gets to sit and coo over your daughter. Also, I would be cautious if ss look to close your case before baby is 1, you can ask for reviews every six months which I didn't know and I think I would have done differently. I know that all I wanted was them out of my life but honestly in hindsight I wish I'd have waited until I was out of fight or flight mode before making any firm decisions.
All the love to you and your precious baby girl xx
I'm so sorry that you're in this situation. I can completely relate to your feelings around allowing him to bond with your baby without doing any of the hard work. I was 3 months pregnant at the knock and gave birth in the same week as sentencing and him being released from remand.
Our daughter is his first but I have older children so deciding to start all over again and then having to do it on my own has been hard at times.
Some advice that I'd give for the early days with a newborn, don't feel that you have to do the amount of visits you've said to ss. Seeing him every couple of days whilst going through this and the hormonal changes with a newborn may be tough. Don't feel guilty for setting/changing your boundaries depending on your emotional needs. When he does come over if there is anything he can do practically like washing up, sterilising baby's stuff, cooking etc let him do that. It will help with how you feel if you're not trying to do everything while he just gets to sit and coo over your daughter. Also, I would be cautious if ss look to close your case before baby is 1, you can ask for reviews every six months which I didn't know and I think I would have done differently. I know that all I wanted was them out of my life but honestly in hindsight I wish I'd have waited until I was out of fight or flight mode before making any firm decisions.
All the love to you and your precious baby girl xx
Pregnant and Overwhelmed, I am so sorry you find yourself here, and I can't even imagine how hard this has been for you to discover so close to the birth of your baby. I've not posted before but relate so much to your situation I couldn't help replying.
The knock came for us when my baby was 7 months old, and I also left my partner immediately as I can't forgive him for the betrayal, or for us being put through this ordeal. I understand a lot of your feelings - SS have cleared me to supervise, so ex can come to the house and play with baby. But because he's not here day to day, I do all the hard work, look after baby when he's poorly, get up in the night to feed him, remember to buy him new clothes, make medical arrangements etc etc. I feel like my ex gets the benefit of having a child without any of the hard parts.
I can't lie, it's hard, especially because it's not what I signed up for as I would never have dreamed my partner could be committing these offences. But just know that you CAN do this. And you will have happy times. My baby brings me so much joy every day. You will develop an amazing bond and she will make all the hard work worth it. Every time she reaches a new milestone, you will be so proud that you were 100% responsible for getting her there. And what an incredible example you will be giving her of how strong women are, even if you should never have been put in this position to begin with.
Please take it gently with yourself in these first weeks. I hope your parents will be able to take over housework so you can just rest and enjoy baby. Decisions and longer term stuff relating to this horrible situation can wait. If you ever need to vent about how unfair this all is, I've found Samaritans very helpful for late night calls.
All the best with your section. And enjoy those first amazing moments with your little girl. I'll be thinking of you x
The knock came for us when my baby was 7 months old, and I also left my partner immediately as I can't forgive him for the betrayal, or for us being put through this ordeal. I understand a lot of your feelings - SS have cleared me to supervise, so ex can come to the house and play with baby. But because he's not here day to day, I do all the hard work, look after baby when he's poorly, get up in the night to feed him, remember to buy him new clothes, make medical arrangements etc etc. I feel like my ex gets the benefit of having a child without any of the hard parts.
I can't lie, it's hard, especially because it's not what I signed up for as I would never have dreamed my partner could be committing these offences. But just know that you CAN do this. And you will have happy times. My baby brings me so much joy every day. You will develop an amazing bond and she will make all the hard work worth it. Every time she reaches a new milestone, you will be so proud that you were 100% responsible for getting her there. And what an incredible example you will be giving her of how strong women are, even if you should never have been put in this position to begin with.
Please take it gently with yourself in these first weeks. I hope your parents will be able to take over housework so you can just rest and enjoy baby. Decisions and longer term stuff relating to this horrible situation can wait. If you ever need to vent about how unfair this all is, I've found Samaritans very helpful for late night calls.
All the best with your section. And enjoy those first amazing moments with your little girl. I'll be thinking of you x
Good luck for tommarow honey, nothing like that feeling of your newborn in your arms. Try enjoy every minute of this time with her. Xxx
Thank you everyone, I've been very teary today although I think it's grief, I'm grieving how I thought this experience would be. I'm hoping she's gonna be like a little sunshine in this dark storm.
Pregnant & Overwhelmed
I've been thinking of you all morning. I just wanted to wish you luck for today.
Although we don't know each other personally, please know that you are in lots of people's thoughts today. X
I've been thinking of you all morning. I just wanted to wish you luck for today.
Although we don't know each other personally, please know that you are in lots of people's thoughts today. X
Pregnant & overwhelmed - best of luck on this special day, I hope everything goes well!
I know how difficult it is but please try and enjoy this time as much as you can. I'm so glad you have your family around you for support.
Just try and focus on your little girl. It'll be hard those first few weeks with little or no sleep but it'll all fall into place.
I hope you can still do what you had planned for your maternity leave whatever that might be and not let this stop you. Lots of love x
I know how difficult it is but please try and enjoy this time as much as you can. I'm so glad you have your family around you for support.
Just try and focus on your little girl. It'll be hard those first few weeks with little or no sleep but it'll all fall into place.
I hope you can still do what you had planned for your maternity leave whatever that might be and not let this stop you. Lots of love x
Just wanted to wish you all the best for today. I'll be thinking of you today and over the next few weeks. Love to you and your baby xxx
I hope you and your baby are doing well xxxx you girls need each other. Go forwards into a life for the two of you.. you must be brave, you can do it xx
Keeping you in my thoughts. Can only imagine your mixed emotions. As others have said i hope you can find comfort in your new baby. Even when times feel tough. Pleased you have family support. Will keep you all in my thoughts. Much love x
Hi.
Just wanted to send love and support. My daughter was born 15th September 2021. So she's exactly one year older. She is a ray of sunshine as I'm sure your girl will be.
it gets better. You can do this. Xx
Just wanted to send love and support. My daughter was born 15th September 2021. So she's exactly one year older. She is a ray of sunshine as I'm sure your girl will be.
it gets better. You can do this. Xx