Support and what happens
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Hi.
All the support I've seen Is for people who are actively searching for kids and looking at images of kids.
Is there support for people who assumed the person in the imagine was 18+?
The police have an assumed age of 15/16 not able to know for sure but based on training... even tho the solicitor agreed with OH that the girl looks older. It's cat C and my OH (if he even is that now) is adamant he would never have downloaded or shared if he thought she was under 18.
Let's assume that's true and he didn't know, didn't want that, didn't search for that and isn't interested in that... what support is there?
All the support I've seen Is for people who are actively searching for kids and looking at images of kids.
Is there support for people who assumed the person in the imagine was 18+?
The police have an assumed age of 15/16 not able to know for sure but based on training... even tho the solicitor agreed with OH that the girl looks older. It's cat C and my OH (if he even is that now) is adamant he would never have downloaded or shared if he thought she was under 18.
Let's assume that's true and he didn't know, didn't want that, didn't search for that and isn't interested in that... what support is there?
Hi EA,
I'm sorry, I don't recall much of your story. Is there an addiction to porn at all? There are videos on reboot nation for porn addiction and other support for this, I think there is SAA aswell. Have either of you called the helpline?
I will do more research in the morning and let you know what I find xx
I'm sorry, I don't recall much of your story. Is there an addiction to porn at all? There are videos on reboot nation for porn addiction and other support for this, I think there is SAA aswell. Have either of you called the helpline?
I will do more research in the morning and let you know what I find xx
He says he think he might have an addiction to porn but tbh when he talks about it its not like its been enough to impact his life. He went on it when he was bored and feeling lonely. It wasn't throughout the day or like a NEED so I just don't see how that's an addiction? He got the image from reddit (a normal porn sub reddit) assumed she was older as all the other porn he watches / looks at is and shared it for likes (he knows this is wrong and said he felt lonely and has nonfriends qnd it was like they were q group of friends kind of thing) I was told he was flagged from another arrest and they only have this 1 cat c assumed age and he says they shouldn't find anything because he would never (pinch of salt). He's adamant he thought she was older and isn't attracted to young girls and feels horrible that she is / might be.
I'm just so torn because I do believe he thought she was older but I've read that it doesnt really matter if they assume she's an age it doesn't matter what she looks like to others.
I called the helpline at the beginning and so did he. They told him about courses for dealing with the want need to look at iioc which is all the police and his solicitor has said. She mentioned he might just get rehab but what good is rehab for someone who isn't interested in iioc.
Thank you for replying x
I'm just so torn because I do believe he thought she was older but I've read that it doesnt really matter if they assume she's an age it doesn't matter what she looks like to others.
I called the helpline at the beginning and so did he. They told him about courses for dealing with the want need to look at iioc which is all the police and his solicitor has said. She mentioned he might just get rehab but what good is rehab for someone who isn't interested in iioc.
Thank you for replying x
I can understand your predicament here - If the image is of a under 16 then a crime has been committed but it doesn't mean he is a porn addict or attracted to children's, therefore rehab or treatment isn't really appropriate and could be more damaging (my person's offence / situation very different but LF felt that their courses weren't suitable and it could actually be damaging for him).
I can't really offer any advise other than this really does highlight how easy it is to stumble across these things. Porn can be an escapism from reality and the more you watch the more desensitised you become to it, so something that may have shocked or set off alarm bells when first looking at porn now becomes the norm so you gradually start edging towards more extreme things and don't as easily recognise something that may not be healthy/ legal/moral. There is a series called Fight the new drug. It talks more about this. I don't think you need to be a porn addict as such to surcome to the situation mentioned above. I guess similar to how you don't need to be an alcoholic to use wine as a means to deal with life - A glass of wine in the evening occasionally to unwind, becomes a regualy glass of wine, then a bottle - But you don't recognise this, it becomes the norm because you are so use to it, but this is very likely to be damaging in many ways.
I can't really offer any advise other than this really does highlight how easy it is to stumble across these things. Porn can be an escapism from reality and the more you watch the more desensitised you become to it, so something that may have shocked or set off alarm bells when first looking at porn now becomes the norm so you gradually start edging towards more extreme things and don't as easily recognise something that may not be healthy/ legal/moral. There is a series called Fight the new drug. It talks more about this. I don't think you need to be a porn addict as such to surcome to the situation mentioned above. I guess similar to how you don't need to be an alcoholic to use wine as a means to deal with life - A glass of wine in the evening occasionally to unwind, becomes a regualy glass of wine, then a bottle - But you don't recognise this, it becomes the norm because you are so use to it, but this is very likely to be damaging in many ways.
I think there is a general misconception that those who watch porn do so to have visual aid to go with someone's arousal (I'm trying to keep it PG as possible...). But many use it for stress, escapism etc- and can become an unhealthy coping mechanism.
When someone is low and going into unhealthy coping mechanisms they are at risk of going deeper into the rabbit hole- this goes for anything like booze (as mentioned above), risky behaviour, self isolation etc.
As you mention your partner felt lonely I would suggest looking for help for those underlaying issues. General talk therapy might work? CBT etc. But be careful that if he wants or needs to disclose the investigation he should get help from someone who is trained in iioc and risky porn behaviour - this is because not all therapist are trained or impartial.
He may benefit from reading the online modules just so that he can show be has done the research of how others slip into iioc- but to get help on viewing and seeking iioc doesn't sound like it would be helpful at this time.
I wish there was better education on how 'easy' it can be to go into dodgey aspects of the internet that are higher risk of 'stumbling' onto iiocs. Before I found out about my partner's offending I assumed to find iioc you needed the dark web and good IT skills. This is not the case at all. My partner described that he realised if he clicked link after link from normal porn sites that it could lead to the darker side.
Chat rooms and forums are also a hot bed for illegal material. You may see the app Kik mentioned alot here. I did use the app, and was in a group that sometimes would share images and GIFs that I found shocking (thankfully nothing illegal)- but people were free to post such images and there wasn't a function to say whether I consented to seeing such things.
Such chats are not moderated. I don't know much about Reddit, I assume they do try to moderate, but once something is posted it is pretty much laying on the internet. Even if a post is deleted it can't stop others saving or downloading.
So even tho it may appear your partner hasnt got a porn addition, he may benefit from getting help to understand his triggers for looking at porn and joining forums to at least prevent him from the risk of exposure to illegal images. (I say illegal rather than iioc because some offenders view animal abuse imagery too)
When someone is low and going into unhealthy coping mechanisms they are at risk of going deeper into the rabbit hole- this goes for anything like booze (as mentioned above), risky behaviour, self isolation etc.
As you mention your partner felt lonely I would suggest looking for help for those underlaying issues. General talk therapy might work? CBT etc. But be careful that if he wants or needs to disclose the investigation he should get help from someone who is trained in iioc and risky porn behaviour - this is because not all therapist are trained or impartial.
He may benefit from reading the online modules just so that he can show be has done the research of how others slip into iioc- but to get help on viewing and seeking iioc doesn't sound like it would be helpful at this time.
I wish there was better education on how 'easy' it can be to go into dodgey aspects of the internet that are higher risk of 'stumbling' onto iiocs. Before I found out about my partner's offending I assumed to find iioc you needed the dark web and good IT skills. This is not the case at all. My partner described that he realised if he clicked link after link from normal porn sites that it could lead to the darker side.
Chat rooms and forums are also a hot bed for illegal material. You may see the app Kik mentioned alot here. I did use the app, and was in a group that sometimes would share images and GIFs that I found shocking (thankfully nothing illegal)- but people were free to post such images and there wasn't a function to say whether I consented to seeing such things.
Such chats are not moderated. I don't know much about Reddit, I assume they do try to moderate, but once something is posted it is pretty much laying on the internet. Even if a post is deleted it can't stop others saving or downloading.
So even tho it may appear your partner hasnt got a porn addition, he may benefit from getting help to understand his triggers for looking at porn and joining forums to at least prevent him from the risk of exposure to illegal images. (I say illegal rather than iioc because some offenders view animal abuse imagery too)
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I guess with assumed age they would have to verify that in order for there to be an offence - they cannot prosecute a crime if the key factor of the crime can't be established. If it's one cat c and they cannot verify it then I would be angry as a taxpayer they are wasting funds prosecuting if nothing else was found.
Hi baffled.
They are unable to prove the age as they can't locate the person 'child' they say that the training is enough to determine that as fact apparently which is what I find difficult to understand.
Bitter bean -
There really isn't support for it. It's almost like they want the person to say yes Im attracted to children so they can get their numbers up on finding and stopping people. Its horrible. They should be helping people to prevent accidently coming across things like this... not prosecuting it and inflating numbers.
They are unable to prove the age as they can't locate the person 'child' they say that the training is enough to determine that as fact apparently which is what I find difficult to understand.
Bitter bean -
There really isn't support for it. It's almost like they want the person to say yes Im attracted to children so they can get their numbers up on finding and stopping people. Its horrible. They should be helping people to prevent accidently coming across things like this... not prosecuting it and inflating numbers.
EA I hear what you're saying. Going for people who accidentally and often unknowingly acquire this material rather than tackling the problem at source is lazy policing
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Daffodil, I know! Plus the fact that they don't even know the age blows my mind. I don't see how all the training in the world can pin point an age when so many people don't look their age. It's frustrating that the law can be based on opinions! I always thought it was black and white... not anymore.