Absolutely clueless…
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The background of the story, he was in a group on Kik some time ago where people sent files of porn, my partner downloaded a file from the group containing IIOC.
The police came to our door last week and invited him in for interview, they spoke to him privately and I heard the word 'social services'. The police left and didn't bother to sit down and talk to me about what he had done that was so bad that social services were being involved. Our daughter is 9 weeks old. When I heard the word I immediately thought I'd lost my daughter. Partner got the police officer to speak to me and she stated she wasn't concerned about me, my house or my baby, it was the situation. I asked her what I was supposed to do in regards to living arrangements and she told me to leave if I could and keep him supervised when with her. Now what I don't understand is why she never bothered to tell myself or my partner to leave while she was there!
Fast forward a week, I'm living at my Mum's with my daughter. My partner is the only person I've ever loved. My heart is absolutely broken. I know he'd never do anything to hurt our daughter. I've told him I will do whatever SS tell me to do, our daughter is my priority. He continues to see her everyday at my Mum's house with me present, and also my Mum. I believe he wasn't out searching for IIOC.
I haven't heard a single thing from SS, it's ticking around in my head a lot and I'm worried. I know they can't remove her from me as I've done nothing wrong, the police also told me this.
My partners solicitor told him that because I've moved out it makes him look bad, is this true?
I suppose the answers I'm looking for are, how long does it take them to get in contact? Do they call you first? Do they just turn up at your house? Can they stop my partner seeing our Daughter? Can they stop us being together outside of their concerns for our Daughter?
Thankyou for reading my ramblings if you got this far
The police came to our door last week and invited him in for interview, they spoke to him privately and I heard the word 'social services'. The police left and didn't bother to sit down and talk to me about what he had done that was so bad that social services were being involved. Our daughter is 9 weeks old. When I heard the word I immediately thought I'd lost my daughter. Partner got the police officer to speak to me and she stated she wasn't concerned about me, my house or my baby, it was the situation. I asked her what I was supposed to do in regards to living arrangements and she told me to leave if I could and keep him supervised when with her. Now what I don't understand is why she never bothered to tell myself or my partner to leave while she was there!
Fast forward a week, I'm living at my Mum's with my daughter. My partner is the only person I've ever loved. My heart is absolutely broken. I know he'd never do anything to hurt our daughter. I've told him I will do whatever SS tell me to do, our daughter is my priority. He continues to see her everyday at my Mum's house with me present, and also my Mum. I believe he wasn't out searching for IIOC.
I haven't heard a single thing from SS, it's ticking around in my head a lot and I'm worried. I know they can't remove her from me as I've done nothing wrong, the police also told me this.
My partners solicitor told him that because I've moved out it makes him look bad, is this true?
I suppose the answers I'm looking for are, how long does it take them to get in contact? Do they call you first? Do they just turn up at your house? Can they stop my partner seeing our Daughter? Can they stop us being together outside of their concerns for our Daughter?
Thankyou for reading my ramblings if you got this far
Hi Purplerain
My situation wasn't too different from yourself albeit mines was 4 years ago. My child was 5 weeks old when we got the knock and I also moved out in the immediate aftermath.
I do not think it will make your husband look bad you moving out. From a positive aspect it will look from social services view you are being protective of your daughter given the recent information. They need to understand you can mitigate the risk of your husband to your daughter. I would never advise them you don't see him as a risk. I would of thought they would of been in contact by now. I was contacted 3 days after the knock to understand our living arrangements and they came out to see me a few days after that.
I could of actually written your post 4 years ago as it was how I felt in the immediate aftermath our the knock. I thought I would of stood by him but after his conviction I couldn't see a way for us moving forward but everyone's situation is different and the way their partner reacts and moves forward. My ex to this date has had an excuse similar to yours and never took any accountability. Looking back this also didn't go in his favour and had he just pled guilty would of recieved alot lesser of a sentence. He had less than 100 images from two dates. Was given 10 years SOR and 2 year custodial. The judge firstly had given him an indefinite on the register due to his lack of accountability and therefore they couldn't assess his risk.
My situation wasn't too different from yourself albeit mines was 4 years ago. My child was 5 weeks old when we got the knock and I also moved out in the immediate aftermath.
I do not think it will make your husband look bad you moving out. From a positive aspect it will look from social services view you are being protective of your daughter given the recent information. They need to understand you can mitigate the risk of your husband to your daughter. I would never advise them you don't see him as a risk. I would of thought they would of been in contact by now. I was contacted 3 days after the knock to understand our living arrangements and they came out to see me a few days after that.
I could of actually written your post 4 years ago as it was how I felt in the immediate aftermath our the knock. I thought I would of stood by him but after his conviction I couldn't see a way for us moving forward but everyone's situation is different and the way their partner reacts and moves forward. My ex to this date has had an excuse similar to yours and never took any accountability. Looking back this also didn't go in his favour and had he just pled guilty would of recieved alot lesser of a sentence. He had less than 100 images from two dates. Was given 10 years SOR and 2 year custodial. The judge firstly had given him an indefinite on the register due to his lack of accountability and therefore they couldn't assess his risk.
Hi Kate890,
Thankyou for your reply.
Childrens services called me this morning to discuss matters on the phone. Advised them of what I knew, that I had moved out. She asked me if I had ever seen him as a risk, I'm guessing prior to the offence and I said no, she asked me if I thought he would hurt our daughter and I said no, because I don't, not that I don't believe he's not a risk, but I don't think he would. She also asked about our relationship and I told her we were undecided, but there's not much of a relationship you can have when you don't live together.
She seemed to have an issue with the fact that he has supervised contact, he hasn't got any conditions, he has supervised contact because this is what the police told me to do over the phone.
She then said an assessment might be needed but she was going to gain information from them first.
She asked me how my daughter was, I said she's perfectly fine but can obviously be a little unsettled with all her new surroundings.
I've done everything I'm supposed to do and now I'm scared. Just feel like it's coming from all angles for something I didn't do x
Thankyou for your reply.
Childrens services called me this morning to discuss matters on the phone. Advised them of what I knew, that I had moved out. She asked me if I had ever seen him as a risk, I'm guessing prior to the offence and I said no, she asked me if I thought he would hurt our daughter and I said no, because I don't, not that I don't believe he's not a risk, but I don't think he would. She also asked about our relationship and I told her we were undecided, but there's not much of a relationship you can have when you don't live together.
She seemed to have an issue with the fact that he has supervised contact, he hasn't got any conditions, he has supervised contact because this is what the police told me to do over the phone.
She then said an assessment might be needed but she was going to gain information from them first.
She asked me how my daughter was, I said she's perfectly fine but can obviously be a little unsettled with all her new surroundings.
I've done everything I'm supposed to do and now I'm scared. Just feel like it's coming from all angles for something I didn't do x
Hi lee1969,
No, he has no bail conditions. She asked me first if he did and I said no, but the police told me to keep supervising him with our daughter, which I do.
Just a waiting game now to see if they want to see me for an assessment. I'm imagining they are going to do it seems as though I said we're undecided.
I've done lots of reading over the weekend on the forum and I'm so glad I'm not alone in all of this. I've told my Mum and my Sister so I have a support network around me. I'm trying to find another place at the moment so I can get on my feet and get used to it just being myself and my daughter. My partner believes we should be together at home, but I will never let that happen, my daughter comes first, but I don't want to let SS walk all over me either. Fair enough if we end the relationship, but like everyone else on here with children, I don't want my daughter to grow up without her Dad.
No, he has no bail conditions. She asked me first if he did and I said no, but the police told me to keep supervising him with our daughter, which I do.
Just a waiting game now to see if they want to see me for an assessment. I'm imagining they are going to do it seems as though I said we're undecided.
I've done lots of reading over the weekend on the forum and I'm so glad I'm not alone in all of this. I've told my Mum and my Sister so I have a support network around me. I'm trying to find another place at the moment so I can get on my feet and get used to it just being myself and my daughter. My partner believes we should be together at home, but I will never let that happen, my daughter comes first, but I don't want to let SS walk all over me either. Fair enough if we end the relationship, but like everyone else on here with children, I don't want my daughter to grow up without her Dad.
It's so hard to navigate. I definitely said the same things as you in our first visit. Lee gave good advice though. I wish I'd found this before I had my meetings with them. Lately I had prepared myself with all the courses that I could do that are beneficial to show you're a protective parent.
They need to know that you're a protective element and won't minimise risks to your daughter. I had said I was staying in the relationship for the first year we had involvement but after our initial assessment they more or less havent been in our lives since. They know were no longer together now but as they werent in our lives in the between stage nothing changed. We had to attend the meeting where they decide if your child should be put on the child protection register and if not from there what measures will be in place. For me it was monthly visits from my health visitor to ensure my mental state was OK aswell as my baby was doing well. 6 months later or so social work closed our case. I knew I was a good mum although it's hard when you've so many emotions as it is as a new mum. Like Lee also said though, don't make any decisions whilst things are new.
I promise things get easier and you learn to live your new normal x
They need to know that you're a protective element and won't minimise risks to your daughter. I had said I was staying in the relationship for the first year we had involvement but after our initial assessment they more or less havent been in our lives since. They know were no longer together now but as they werent in our lives in the between stage nothing changed. We had to attend the meeting where they decide if your child should be put on the child protection register and if not from there what measures will be in place. For me it was monthly visits from my health visitor to ensure my mental state was OK aswell as my baby was doing well. 6 months later or so social work closed our case. I knew I was a good mum although it's hard when you've so many emotions as it is as a new mum. Like Lee also said though, don't make any decisions whilst things are new.
I promise things get easier and you learn to live your new normal x
It really is difficult.
I'm actually starting to get annoyed with him now for putting me through this. He's not been to see us for 2 days either and I'm sat thinking 'maybe it is easier this way', but like you both said, I'm not making any quick decisions.
I want my house back aswell, which he's in, trying to go about getting it back makes me feel bad aswell, but he's got 2 options of places to stay and hasn't asked either of them.
SS asked for his mobile number aswell which I gave her, she didn't call him though.
He says I have a few things confused with his case and I've told her some things wrong so he can correct her when she rings! Don't know how they can expect you to have a clear head within a week or so... x
I'm actually starting to get annoyed with him now for putting me through this. He's not been to see us for 2 days either and I'm sat thinking 'maybe it is easier this way', but like you both said, I'm not making any quick decisions.
I want my house back aswell, which he's in, trying to go about getting it back makes me feel bad aswell, but he's got 2 options of places to stay and hasn't asked either of them.
SS asked for his mobile number aswell which I gave her, she didn't call him though.
He says I have a few things confused with his case and I've told her some things wrong so he can correct her when she rings! Don't know how they can expect you to have a clear head within a week or so... x
He told me it's been sent to CPS, me thinking he was waiting for a court date, but he said he's waiting to hear if he's been charged, which he 100% will be, didn't know there was a difference really.
SS rang me on no caller ID, gave me no number to contact her on nor an email address and said she'd get back to me..
SS rang me on no caller ID, gave me no number to contact her on nor an email address and said she'd get back to me..
I was desperate to get back to our own home aswell especially with having a new baby. Thankfully my partner at the time agreed it would be best if I lived in our family home and he move out. Social work agreed this would be the best aswell and essentially they need to go to their lawyer to apply for a change in their bail address. I'm sure I was allowed to move home as soon as he notified his lawyer of his new address so its quick.
I still get angry now so I get that. The hardest part for me is finding myself a single parent and coparenting with someone who only has supervised access. My ex doesn't have any restrictions other than SOR as his licence is also now spent. I've heard many on here mention SHPO I think it's called so I don't know how that changes things for families either.
I still get angry now so I get that. The hardest part for me is finding myself a single parent and coparenting with someone who only has supervised access. My ex doesn't have any restrictions other than SOR as his licence is also now spent. I've heard many on here mention SHPO I think it's called so I don't know how that changes things for families either.
Hi Kate,
SS came out to see me last week. It helps that she is nice and is on my side. She said she was contacting my health visitor to see if she had any concerns, but other than that we just chatted about what life may be like if I return home, OH is charged etc, I can't say I'm quite keen on it as I like a quiet life.
I'm unsure what to do about me and OH yet, I'm barely seeing him and he's barely seeing our daughter either, he saw her yesterday for the first time in 3 days and was only for an hour, I told him to promise me he will stay in her life no matter what happens and he says he will, saying and doing are 2 different things though, I keep thinking he's going to walk away.
I've obviously not returned home either. Local authority are classing me as homeless so I have an assessment this week for housing. He refused to get out of the house so I've stopped payments towards it.
I'm slowly starting to settle down, every now and then a spike of anxiety, especially random people coming to the door when someone's delivering things.
Hope you're doing ok x
SS came out to see me last week. It helps that she is nice and is on my side. She said she was contacting my health visitor to see if she had any concerns, but other than that we just chatted about what life may be like if I return home, OH is charged etc, I can't say I'm quite keen on it as I like a quiet life.
I'm unsure what to do about me and OH yet, I'm barely seeing him and he's barely seeing our daughter either, he saw her yesterday for the first time in 3 days and was only for an hour, I told him to promise me he will stay in her life no matter what happens and he says he will, saying and doing are 2 different things though, I keep thinking he's going to walk away.
I've obviously not returned home either. Local authority are classing me as homeless so I have an assessment this week for housing. He refused to get out of the house so I've stopped payments towards it.
I'm slowly starting to settle down, every now and then a spike of anxiety, especially random people coming to the door when someone's delivering things.
Hope you're doing ok x
I understand that you are worried, but you don't need to worry so much about your partner, he did not worry about you when he performed this action. Moreover, he has a solicitor, it's enough for him.