Frustrations - a rant
Notifications OFF
Hey all,
I'm coming here, not for advice but to offload. I'm doing this as the alternative is to throttle my partner - and that's not acceptable! I'm so frustrated with him at the moment, his solicitors are being a complete waste of space, how many months have we been waiting for them to do the defence statement?! I've told him he needs to sort a meeting with the solicitor I found and make moves to switch to him but he's so disinterested and being funny about paying the £500, I said I would contribute but still!! I understand the unfairness as he is innocent but even so, is freedom not worth the price?! He has the money and I'm so close to just paying it myself but then I think why the fx%k should I? I'm actually starting to get p!$$3d off with him entirely with everything too, I'm so independent and clued up with things, very ambitious and he just does the bare minimum and I'm getting f'ing sick of it. I ask him to sign up to credit agencies so we can sort out his credit score in preparation for a mortgage - he doesn't. The house is mine, the car is mine and don't get me wrong, he isn't lazy and goes to work & helps around the house but for crying out loud you're 30 and you have nothing apart from clothes to your name and potentially the impending doom of jail if you don't pull your f'ing finger out. It worked quite well at first, him being laid back whilst I'm always running at a million miles an hour but at the moment it's not and I'm very close to calling it a day. It doesn't help he's so stubborn either, he's been used to living on his own and doing his own thing so I am probably rather emasculating (as much as I try not to be) but flipping heck, he knew I was different to his usual type when he got with me and he would need to step up but here we are. I also asked if we could go to couples therapy as we really struggle to communicate when we disagree on things, which is a massive issue if you're planning a life together. I don't know. I'm in a good position because I don't need him, he's here because I want to be with him but at the moment he has no idea how the want is dwindling. Why does it feel like we always have to baby men? I didn't feel like this about him at the start and in fact it was refreshing to for once be with a man who didn't need to be told what to do but seemingly that wears off after a while. For once, I would like someone to tell me what to do and add value to my life and help me. Next lifetime, I'm coming back as a man!!!
I'm coming here, not for advice but to offload. I'm doing this as the alternative is to throttle my partner - and that's not acceptable! I'm so frustrated with him at the moment, his solicitors are being a complete waste of space, how many months have we been waiting for them to do the defence statement?! I've told him he needs to sort a meeting with the solicitor I found and make moves to switch to him but he's so disinterested and being funny about paying the £500, I said I would contribute but still!! I understand the unfairness as he is innocent but even so, is freedom not worth the price?! He has the money and I'm so close to just paying it myself but then I think why the fx%k should I? I'm actually starting to get p!$$3d off with him entirely with everything too, I'm so independent and clued up with things, very ambitious and he just does the bare minimum and I'm getting f'ing sick of it. I ask him to sign up to credit agencies so we can sort out his credit score in preparation for a mortgage - he doesn't. The house is mine, the car is mine and don't get me wrong, he isn't lazy and goes to work & helps around the house but for crying out loud you're 30 and you have nothing apart from clothes to your name and potentially the impending doom of jail if you don't pull your f'ing finger out. It worked quite well at first, him being laid back whilst I'm always running at a million miles an hour but at the moment it's not and I'm very close to calling it a day. It doesn't help he's so stubborn either, he's been used to living on his own and doing his own thing so I am probably rather emasculating (as much as I try not to be) but flipping heck, he knew I was different to his usual type when he got with me and he would need to step up but here we are. I also asked if we could go to couples therapy as we really struggle to communicate when we disagree on things, which is a massive issue if you're planning a life together. I don't know. I'm in a good position because I don't need him, he's here because I want to be with him but at the moment he has no idea how the want is dwindling. Why does it feel like we always have to baby men? I didn't feel like this about him at the start and in fact it was refreshing to for once be with a man who didn't need to be told what to do but seemingly that wears off after a while. For once, I would like someone to tell me what to do and add value to my life and help me. Next lifetime, I'm coming back as a man!!!
Apologies to any men who read that as I can understand it's very much giving misandry but unfortunately I cannot help how I feel at the moment, my life has been bittered by men for the last 15 years and I'm tired of it.
BaffledB
Rant away hun, I dont have any advice other than I think men cannot deal with there actions and would rather carry on as normal but deep inside they are struggling with this, yes they caused all of this x
In my case it is my son who is the offender so totally different to your case
We as women pick up the pieces and yes it's so frustrating and how much stronger we are but we get to a point where we think how unfair it all is x
No one can tell you what you need to do only you can decide but just wanted to send you hugs xx
Rant away hun, I dont have any advice other than I think men cannot deal with there actions and would rather carry on as normal but deep inside they are struggling with this, yes they caused all of this x
In my case it is my son who is the offender so totally different to your case
We as women pick up the pieces and yes it's so frustrating and how much stronger we are but we get to a point where we think how unfair it all is x
No one can tell you what you need to do only you can decide but just wanted to send you hugs xx
Hey UpsetMum,
Thank you so much. I totally agree, I think they do struggle with it and surpress what they really think and feel, sort of live in denial. I think we worry like hell and process our emotions and although it's not us going through the prosecution, we actually are and actually, where partners stay and Mums support you are treated worse than than the person whose actually done something which is unfair. It's a very tough journey to be on and I wish everyone in the country could see what it's like and read our stories because living with this on a daily basis is so hard - both before everyone knows and after. Sending love to you xx
Thank you so much. I totally agree, I think they do struggle with it and surpress what they really think and feel, sort of live in denial. I think we worry like hell and process our emotions and although it's not us going through the prosecution, we actually are and actually, where partners stay and Mums support you are treated worse than than the person whose actually done something which is unfair. It's a very tough journey to be on and I wish everyone in the country could see what it's like and read our stories because living with this on a daily basis is so hard - both before everyone knows and after. Sending love to you xx
BaffledB
We feel the pain , we want to be there, I am fortunate that I have not had any problems since my son was sentenced, its been tough I have shyde away from going to local shops etc but now I don't care I have done nothing wrong so I have gone to the places I went to before all of this and at work I have had some conversations with a few people and have been able to open up and talk freely to educate others xx
We feel the pain , we want to be there, I am fortunate that I have not had any problems since my son was sentenced, its been tough I have shyde away from going to local shops etc but now I don't care I have done nothing wrong so I have gone to the places I went to before all of this and at work I have had some conversations with a few people and have been able to open up and talk freely to educate others xx
Baffled
I hope you don't mind me saying but your post made me smile I recognised so many of my own feelings.
Like you, I don't need my partner financially, and mine is also not proactive and I feel at times I might have to actually prod him with a stick to get him to do things, even the important things that will help his case, let alone everyday stuff.
Like you, I feel it would be good to be occasionally taken care of, would it kill him to get of his backside and do something nice for me? Honestly, I am still flirting with the the idea of walking away, at times I think about the little I seem to be getting from the relationship and whether under the circumstances it is worth it.
Still, we supporting partners soldier on, the unsung heroes of this very messy and distressing situation. At least we know from this forum we are not alone.
I hope you don't mind me saying but your post made me smile I recognised so many of my own feelings.
Like you, I don't need my partner financially, and mine is also not proactive and I feel at times I might have to actually prod him with a stick to get him to do things, even the important things that will help his case, let alone everyday stuff.
Like you, I feel it would be good to be occasionally taken care of, would it kill him to get of his backside and do something nice for me? Honestly, I am still flirting with the the idea of walking away, at times I think about the little I seem to be getting from the relationship and whether under the circumstances it is worth it.
Still, we supporting partners soldier on, the unsung heroes of this very messy and distressing situation. At least we know from this forum we are not alone.
Post deleted by user
Evening Smile
Were doing ok thank you, eldest son is getting help and support so is in a much better place, middle son is doing ok, we had a visit last week and have another one in 2 weeks , it's his Birthday next week :-(
Glad your son is doing ok and of course glad to hear your ok xx
Were doing ok thank you, eldest son is getting help and support so is in a much better place, middle son is doing ok, we had a visit last week and have another one in 2 weeks , it's his Birthday next week :-(
Glad your son is doing ok and of course glad to hear your ok xx
That's a coincidence - my sons birthday early October......
Upset Mum, I'm glad you're now confident enough to get out there, you have nothing to shy away for xx
Bitterbean, not at all! I get the jist a lot on here we probably all have similar situations when it comes to proactiveness etc! We do soldier on indeed and tomorrow is always a new day. Some days are worse than others! Xx
Bitterbean, not at all! I get the jist a lot on here we probably all have similar situations when it comes to proactiveness etc! We do soldier on indeed and tomorrow is always a new day. Some days are worse than others! Xx