4 years later still in limbo
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Hi all,
I'm not sure this is the right home for this post as in our case nothing happened but I'm really struggling again so wanted to see if anyone was in a similar situation.
Brief backstory we had the knock in 2018 told our IP address had flagged up as part of an investigation, all devices taken no arrests or interviews other than questioning at the time. 3 images had been uploaded. Partner strongly denied it. 5 months later all devices returned, nothing found, no explanations. We tried subject access requests and engaged a solicitor to see if we could get more info but we were basically told we had no right to the info as no charges had been made.
So just move on with our lives and pretend it never happened. Try and park it somewhere. Which sometimes I can, I can have a few weeks where it doesn't consume me but then other times like today I just spiral again. I think but there must have been something there, if it was an error they would have told us.
It has sucked the life out of me and I don't even recognise who I am anymore. My youngest started school this year and it brought it all back agsin and the feelings of dread and shame at the school gates.
I would have loved to get involved with some of the kids activities but I am so terrified that something would flag on a DBS (we are not in UK but on our equivalent of police clearance). Does anyone know if this would show - no arrest, no charges but part of an investigation? Is there anyone who can help with this I think I saw someone who had said a charity requested a DBS for them so they could see what it returned? It's causing me huge distress to think I could be considered not safe.
Literally every aspect of our lives has been impacted by this and we can't move forward as we got no closure. Just hoping someone in a similar situation can reach out. I know when I found this forum in 2019 there were a few cases like this but I haven't seen many recently.
I'm not sure this is the right home for this post as in our case nothing happened but I'm really struggling again so wanted to see if anyone was in a similar situation.
Brief backstory we had the knock in 2018 told our IP address had flagged up as part of an investigation, all devices taken no arrests or interviews other than questioning at the time. 3 images had been uploaded. Partner strongly denied it. 5 months later all devices returned, nothing found, no explanations. We tried subject access requests and engaged a solicitor to see if we could get more info but we were basically told we had no right to the info as no charges had been made.
So just move on with our lives and pretend it never happened. Try and park it somewhere. Which sometimes I can, I can have a few weeks where it doesn't consume me but then other times like today I just spiral again. I think but there must have been something there, if it was an error they would have told us.
It has sucked the life out of me and I don't even recognise who I am anymore. My youngest started school this year and it brought it all back agsin and the feelings of dread and shame at the school gates.
I would have loved to get involved with some of the kids activities but I am so terrified that something would flag on a DBS (we are not in UK but on our equivalent of police clearance). Does anyone know if this would show - no arrest, no charges but part of an investigation? Is there anyone who can help with this I think I saw someone who had said a charity requested a DBS for them so they could see what it returned? It's causing me huge distress to think I could be considered not safe.
Literally every aspect of our lives has been impacted by this and we can't move forward as we got no closure. Just hoping someone in a similar situation can reach out. I know when I found this forum in 2019 there were a few cases like this but I haven't seen many recently.
Hi Lee,
The logical/rational part of my brain knows this but when anxiety kicks in all these other thoughts take over. I don't know anyone else this has happened to and I've never spoken to anyone with experience of it either. I guess it's more common for people not to speak about it when nothing happens due to the stigma attached but where does that leave us. And you are right the agencies have no idea the damage caused, one solicitor described us as collateral damage.
I'm in ROI so it's not a DBS but garda vetting and it's a different process I think. The organisation you are applying to requests the vetting, you fill in the e-form and then the results come back to the organisation. There is a section for specified information where anything deemed relevant can be included and this is where I am not sure if it would be included or not. I think they tell you if they are doing this and you can dispute it but I would be so angry having to prove I am not a risk! Also I think ultimately the organisation you are applying to would see it or you would be forced to withdraw the vetting and your interest and this would raise questions.
Apologies for the rambling but this has worried me for so long. I looked at Unlock but it seems to be just UK based. If anyone knows of similar in ROI?
The logical/rational part of my brain knows this but when anxiety kicks in all these other thoughts take over. I don't know anyone else this has happened to and I've never spoken to anyone with experience of it either. I guess it's more common for people not to speak about it when nothing happens due to the stigma attached but where does that leave us. And you are right the agencies have no idea the damage caused, one solicitor described us as collateral damage.
I'm in ROI so it's not a DBS but garda vetting and it's a different process I think. The organisation you are applying to requests the vetting, you fill in the e-form and then the results come back to the organisation. There is a section for specified information where anything deemed relevant can be included and this is where I am not sure if it would be included or not. I think they tell you if they are doing this and you can dispute it but I would be so angry having to prove I am not a risk! Also I think ultimately the organisation you are applying to would see it or you would be forced to withdraw the vetting and your interest and this would raise questions.
Apologies for the rambling but this has worried me for so long. I looked at Unlock but it seems to be just UK based. If anyone knows of similar in ROI?
Thanks again Lee for your great advice.
I'll contact Unlock and also Stopso. I had some counselling last year but it was with someone with no experience in this area and I felt they were more interested in gossip than anything so it didn't help.
I have been carrying this around with me for so long and I think it's taking it's toll x
I'll contact Unlock and also Stopso. I had some counselling last year but it was with someone with no experience in this area and I felt they were more interested in gossip than anything so it didn't help.
I have been carrying this around with me for so long and I think it's taking it's toll x
Hi Paris, seems unusual that you got the devices back so quickly (after only 5 months) it took about 4 years or mayb more before they finished analysing the devices in my husband's case.
Just to reassure you I was garda vetted recently (post husband pleading guilty but before sentencing) and no issue
I know the Garda vetting report goes back to the organisation but I think the guards are meant to contact you first if they are planning on disclosing anything.
I asked my husband's solicitor about it before and he said nothing my husband has done could affect my garda vetting. (whether I stayed with him or not)
Just to reassure you I was garda vetted recently (post husband pleading guilty but before sentencing) and no issue
I know the Garda vetting report goes back to the organisation but I think the guards are meant to contact you first if they are planning on disclosing anything.
I asked my husband's solicitor about it before and he said nothing my husband has done could affect my garda vetting. (whether I stayed with him or not)