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Ending a great relationship

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Losteverything

Member since
September 2022

216 posts

Posted Sat September 24, 2022 8:33amReport post

Hello, I have decided that I have to end my relationship with my fiancé. I am absolutely heartbroken and it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. His devices are still being checked so he hasn't as yet been charged with anything. I know he has done something and I can't accept that and my family would never accept it even if nothing is found. If we stayed together he could nefer be around my granddaughter and she is a big part of my life.

it's so hard and I'd give anything not to have to be making this choice.

Id love you hear from anyone else who has made this choice and hopefully hear that things have worked out for you and that there is a future!

RIG22

Member since
September 2022

138 posts

Posted Sat September 24, 2022 4:39pmReport post

Losteverything there definitely is a whole new life out there. You just have to take that first step. It's so hard, I know, but one step at a time.
I have thought about leaving my husband too. Recently more so because I'm finding it difficult to cope. 11 weeks after the knock I find myself thinking why am I in this situation? For what and for whom am I putting myself through this? My OH didn't think of me, our family, our marriage or our future together when he did what lead us here so what am I fighting for?
There are days when I just want to pack my bags and leave him to deal with the mess HE has created for HIS selfish needs.
I am going to sound wicked but strangely, it gives me some satisfaction to see him suffering. My children and I are suffering too but we didn't cause it so why shouldn't he be suffering.
However, having said that, I know I still love him (not sure if it is love or the fear of being alone without him) and I end up staying for all the usual reasons especially since the children don't want us to separate. The trust is long gone. Things will never be the same ever for any of us and I think we will just learn to live that way.



Whatever you decide to do, do it for you and you only. Sending you hugs. X

ShatteredWorld

Member since
September 2022

19 posts

Posted Sat September 24, 2022 5:36pmReport post

Hi,

I'm in a similar position, it's been a week today since my partners devices were seized. We were in a good place for the future and we both fully expected to get a house together, marry each other and have children. Even my mother was calling him her son in law and talking about grandchildren. I feel like my world has suddenly shattered and my family would no way in this world support me if I did even stand by him. But with my morals I don't know how I could.

GreenYellow

Member since
July 2022

45 posts

Posted Sat September 24, 2022 7:31pmReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Sun March 5, 2023 9:29am

Losteverything

Member since
September 2022

216 posts

Posted Sat September 24, 2022 11:59pmReport post

Thank you so much for all your lovely replies. I do love this man very much but unfortunately I can not accept what he has done and sadly I feel that he is not the man I thought he was. I am an older woman 57 and was about to take early retirement with the man I was supposed to be marrying in October.
I feel furious that he has selfishly spoiled all our plans and future. We only had the knock in June and it will be at least a year until forensics are completed and possibly a further year till court. I feel that why should I wait all this time especially at my age for a man who I know whether charged or not is guilty of a vile crime!! Although I love him, I know that I could never look at him again without thinking about what he has done. I wish it was all a bad dream and I could wake up to my old life!! I bet you all wish the same don't you? But unfortunately things will never be the same again can they? Their choices not ours!!

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2554 posts

Posted Sun September 25, 2022 5:09amReport post

Lee hit the nail on the head for me a while ago, it made perfect sense (in my case). She said this behaviour 'can' be an addiction and as in any addiction the desire/compulsion overtakes any thought of consequence.

You don't think you'll get caught for a start, you don't think about consequences for yourself or the devastatiion that'll ruin the lives of your family/friends, how it will effect your future / any reasoning as to what you are taking part in goes out the window.

So true, just a shame so many people don't see it!!!!!

Edited Sun September 25, 2022 8:07am

BECCY

Member since
May 2021

61 posts

Posted Sun September 25, 2022 8:42amReport post

Hi Losteverything.

I too was looking forward to and planning early retirement in a few years. My ex told me that he hadn't knowingly looked at children but could have been teenagers who looked older and I decided to stick by him while the forensics were done.

Nearly 2 years for foresics and it turned out it was much, much younger children.

Like you.i couldn't live with what he'd done I'd never trust him again.

I thought we had the perfect relationship and was so looking forward to our early retirement but that's all gone.

I can't afford to retire now my financial situation has changed but 2 another years down the line I feel.like I've found me again. For the first year it was so, so difficult and I thought I wouldn't get through it, that my life was over and everything I wanted had gone. I've now slowly come to terms that I'm not going to have the happy ever after that I had planned but that I can have a new happy. No, it's not what I wanted and planned for but that was with the man I thought it was not the man he actually was. I'm grateful that the knock happened when it did because once I'd retired I would have been very very stuck financially.

My children want nothing to do with him and although I don't yet have grandchildren when I do I know I wouldn't want him to go anywhere near them. I'm very sure that there would be no physical risk but the thought of him being near any child repulses me. That I brought him into my now adult children's life fills me with horror , it took a long time for me to come to terms with the guilt of that and I'd never do it to another child. I've seen the psychological affect it had on my child who was a teen at the time of the knock and I'd never ever subject another child to that. That's not the future I want.

I thought he was my soul mate, perfect partner, I'd had to wait until later life to find him at last and loved him so much. I never thought I could stop loving him but I have. I tried to think of a way to stay friends, support him etc , didnt know how i could live without him but I now have no contact. Im now strangly detached from him and it seems it was something that happened to someone else. I now think of him with a mixture of repulsion and hatred for his crime and also the devastating affect that had on my family. Wouldn't touch him.with a barge.pole. I spend months worrying about him, hoping he was okay but now I don't. He made his bed and he can lie in it. He's nothing to me. Someone who could lie to my face for 2 years, delaying the inevitable isn't worth that- and those 2 years are what caused the most distress and damage to me.

The future I'd planned and was looking forward to was gone and I didn't want a future with SOR and SHOP, probation, social services and most of all.i couldn't deal.with telling more lies and secrets to family and friends. Although the decision was clear cut it was very hard to do. And for anyone thinking that I didn't love him enough to do that, that's wrong , I just couldn't find a way to get passed what he had done, no matter how much I tried.

Not going to lie, it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I thiught my life was over. Lots and lots of crying, talking to a couple of very good friends and a counseller, lots of walking and lots of time. Still have bad days but getting less. Can't deny I feel a huge loss when I think of what I thought I would now have and sometimes I still feel very lonely and Im resigned to that. After about a year, something pinged inside my brain I and I felt that I can let him.destroy the rest of my life or I can make the most of what I do have. Of course I knew that all along but something changed in my feelings.

For now I would recommend you find a counseller, eat as well.as you can, get excercise, talk to a friend if you have one you can trust, get sleep when you can. You are grieving for a huge loss in your life but without the normal rituals and support that go with a loss.

I know it's hard and most women on here have stayed and need that support but that means there isn't as much advice for those who have left.

Sorry for the long rambling reply. Just wanted you to know that I understand some of your thoughts and emotions.

Believe in yourself. I know how hard this is but you can and will get there. No, you wont get the future you had planned but you can still have a happy future.

Sending love and strength x

Edited Sun September 25, 2022 9:30am

BECCY

Member since
May 2021

61 posts

Posted Sun September 25, 2022 8:43amReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Sun September 25, 2022 8:43am

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2554 posts

Posted Sun September 25, 2022 9:58amReport post

What an inspiring post BECCY - I'm full of admiration for you and reading the description of your fight - your one brave lady x

Edited Sun September 25, 2022 10:01am

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2403 posts

Posted Sun September 25, 2022 10:41amReport post

BECCY

My heart went out to you reading your very difficult journey and the decision you have chosen, truly inspiring x

I am not is the same position as you as it is my son who is the offender but reading your journey has given me some valuable advice,

I am mid 50s and thought is this my life now just filled with overwhelming sadness but I can change my mindset and take little steps to change that x

Thank you for sharing xx

Morning Smile hope.you are ok x I totally agree with you on what Lee said about addiction xx

Edited Sun September 25, 2022 10:43am

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2554 posts

Posted Sun September 25, 2022 10:56amReport post

Yes all ok Upset. My son waiting on a few appointments (one being with his key worker) - he's got a list of questions for her! He's doing ok - yours ??????

Yes I agree, we have to 'try' to not let the situation we are in drag us down or take over OUR lives, we deserve happiness.... it's hard but we have to strive to make a 'different' life hopefully have some fun along the way!

I'm finding now I'm spacing phone calls with my son (I use to talk to him daily), it's giving me space and bringing my stress level down and also we have more to talk about after a couple of days.

Edited Sun September 25, 2022 11:04am

BECCY

Member since
May 2021

61 posts

Posted Sun September 25, 2022 11:31amReport post

Upset mum and smile through tears.

We are all strong to get through each day whatever route we decide to go.

To deal with this when it's your son must be so much harder and emotions much be so much more confusing and i admire you for getting through this so far. Smile through tears you are right to give yourself some space to heal.

I'm glad I have helped if only a little.

It's not what I wanted from my life and I will always feel a sense of loss for what what I thought my life would be. I do feel lonely and miss what I thought I had with my ex but I am now mainly happy and do find joy in things again.

X

Edited Sun September 25, 2022 11:32am

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2403 posts

Posted Sun September 25, 2022 12:10pmReport post

Hi Smile,

Were all doing ok thank.you , my son has dropped his calls to around 3 - 4 calls a week now , we have 2 video calls a month and then our visits x

He is more settled in his mindset so that takes away the concern and worry , we have a long road ahead x

Glad you and your son are keeping ok and it's good that he has lots of questions for his key worker xx

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2403 posts

Posted Sun September 25, 2022 12:16pmReport post

BECCY

Glad you are ok and starting to enjoy your new journey even small.steps each day you will rebuild again.

Not one of us could ever imagined to be here and the feelings, emotions and the journey are exactly the same if it's your partner or sons etc that have brought us all to this forum

I wish you all the best for the future, stay strong you are amazing xx

Bitterbean

Member since
December 2021

635 posts

Posted Sun September 25, 2022 7:19pmReport post

LostEverything, I have also felt the anger you're feeling, but it hasn't yet propelled me to leave. I think this is partly because my partner has not admitted to anything and insists on his innocence and from what I have seen of the evidence I am inclined to believe him. I do worry though that one day I will find, like Beccy, that I have been lied too and if so I think that will be the end of us. Also if he does end up being found guilty I don't think I am willing to live with all the adverse publicity, intrusion by the authorities and restrictions on where we can go and what we can do. To be honest I already resent having to be his "minder" to comply with bail conditions

Beccy yours is a very inspiring story, and gives me courage if I end up finding he has lied to me.

I can identify with Rig22's feeling of inertia, while our relationship has not always been good we have a lot of common interests and if we split up I would miss his company. However there are other things I would not miss, so there would be plus points to separating as well.

Greenyellow, I also feel that our relationship has been damaged, I feel irreversibly. I care about him and what happens to him, but I just don't feel the same way about him at all. Its probably more the sort of feeling I might have towards an eccentric uncle. I care about him, want to protect him, but don't condone or want to take responsibility for any of the weird behaviour.

Barb

Member since
June 2022

51 posts

Posted Sun September 25, 2022 9:28pmReport post

Hi

I left the day of the knock, I have grandaughters and I wouldn't see them if I stayed. My heart broke that day and I still cry for my old life.

I believe I made the right decision I couldn't stay with someone I couldn't trust and it would never be that same again.

Sending love and strength x

Losteverything

Member since
September 2022

216 posts

Posted Sun September 25, 2022 10:35pmReport post

My heart goes out to all of you. Thank you for all your thoughts and it is very comforting to know that I am not alone at this awful time in my life. Every second I am grieving for what I have lost, my fiancé, my early retirement and comfortable lifestyle. I am now facing a very different future but at least now knowing what I know I can walk away and hope that at some point I can be happy again. I admire those of you who have stood by your partners, you are stronger women than I. I totally understand standing by a child as the love is so unconditional, but for me I have based my decision to leave my partner on the fact that I'm repulsed by what he has allegedly done and that fact that my grown up children would never accept it.

Beccy, we have very similar stories. Is there anyway we can message privately?

Lost4Words

Member since
August 2022

81 posts

Posted Mon September 26, 2022 12:55amReport post

It is so sad to read all these replies.......what you have been through/or are just going through ????

I am in my early 50's and only been married 2 years (both had previous marriages). I had the knock at the end of August.....I felt like my whole world had collapsed.

I did leave him initially, but then he suffered a minor TIA and I thought I should come back and try and work through all this ***p! But 3 weeks later, and I still do not trust him if I leave the room and return to find him on his phone.



I am so angry and upset as to what he has done to us. He has stolen our "happily ever after". I made the heartbreaking decision that I must move out for good this time, by staying here these last couple of weeks it has made me ill.

Losteverything

Member since
September 2022

216 posts

Posted Mon September 26, 2022 1:18amReport post

Lost4words, this situation is intolerable isn't it? I understand everything you're feeling because I'm going through the same pain. I am annoyed that I have had to leave my home whilst he is staying there in comfort after what he's done. I am moving between family and friends with no permanent base and it's so difficult not to have the private space to grieve. I'm the one who's had to cancel our wedding and market our dream home because he is'depressed' .... well I'm done with feeling sorry for him, I just feel sorry for me and other women who have been put in this horrendous situation.

please stay strong and put yourself first. He made his own choices and has to suffer the consequences.

Len

Member since
May 2021

27 posts

Posted Mon September 26, 2022 3:07pmReport post

Hello, I just felt moved to respond to this thread. I come here every day but rarely post.

We got the knock a little over a year and a half ago, not only for IIOC but it emerged there was also an offence relating to our eldest daughter. Not a contact offense but bad enough. If you had asked me what I would have done about this before it happened the answer would have been simple, to have nothing more to do with him.

Turns out loving a man (and his very prevalent inner child) for nearly 20 years, having 3 kids together, shared values and a beautiful life is very hard to let go of. I have had a year and half of pretty intense therapy, both on my own and with my ex partner. For a long time I found myself being drawn back towards him when things got tough, which they often did! I had firm boundaries on the house and supervised visits though (I knew from the start i would never trust him again). Finally a few months ago after months and months of drawing towards a decision I got a phone call out of the blue from professionals questioning my parenting and I something clicked, none if this would have happened if he hadn't done what he did and I am absolutely not willing to put up with this bullsh*t for the rest of my life. I want and deserve fun and laughter and somebody trustworthy and respectful and I don't have to allow that man to dominate my life and I won't. I feel sad for him, I think I even love him still (or part of him) but I am not responsible for him and his happiness. He did this. I have put up with so much shit, friends and neighbours behaving really badly, professionals questioning my parenting even though it's not my crime, losing so much and I'm drawing the line here. I am working out how can buy him out of the house and divorce him aswell as helping the kids to see him without me having to be there.

We had a very beautiful relationship, it has been very hard to let go of and grieve for a life that could have been, but honestly it would have never been the same again after the knock. I hope that one day I can see him as a friend and to be able to co parent some(although he will never have unsupervised access with the kids). I admire every woman (and the odd man) on here whatever the choices they make and honestly wish I could get us all in a room together to look after one another. Just now though I just want to say that it is ok to leave too, to myself as much as anyone else. It's ok to take however much time at any point it takes to think about what you need and process. It's ok to grieve what's lost and give them back responsibility for themselves, don't you carry that burden. It's ok just to feel what you feel moment by moment but know there is definitely a full and happy life waiting for you whatever you decide when the time is right. All us not lost even though ut frequently might feel like it. So much love x

Barb

Member since
June 2022

51 posts

Posted Mon September 26, 2022 8:52pmReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Mon September 26, 2022 8:52pm

Barb

Member since
June 2022

51 posts

Posted Mon September 26, 2022 8:53pmReport post

Thank you Len .. just what I needed to hear x

Bitterbean

Member since
December 2021

635 posts

Posted Mon September 26, 2022 10:30pmReport post

Len

Thank you for saying its OK to leave. I sometimes get into a mental state where I think I have to mKe sacrifices to support my partner, but, none of this is my fault, and there are times when I have to put myself first. Sometimes I think it is just too much of a sacrifice for me. I only get one life.

Losteverything

Member since
September 2022

216 posts

Posted Mon September 26, 2022 11:06pmReport post

Len,

I cried whilst I read your post. I agree with everything you said and it has given me so much strength. I too had a beautiful relationship but it can never be what it was after such dreadful crimes.
we all deserve much much better..,, honesty and integrity. I still love my partner but I'm not responsible for his actions and I'm certainly not willing to put my life on hold whilst he is investigated and probably charged. It's just not the world I want to inhabit.
so Len and everyone else who decides to leave , stay strong , be clear about how you want to live your life and don't be dragged down by ex partners who possibly don't have the same moral compass and will have to stand on their own two feet.

Woody

Member since
March 2021

10 posts

Posted Tue September 27, 2022 12:26amReport post

Hi, I hardly ever post and only come back on here every now and then to read others stories, feb 2020 my ex was outed online by a vigilante group, this led to his arrest and a complete turnaround to my life, I quickly without hesitation ended a 20 year relationship, my love turned into discust overnight and my motherly protection kicked in for my three children who needed me, I don't regret my decision at all, I kept my home with my children, went financially independent and made life work for me, I hardly have any contact with my ex whom withers away at his parents house still yet to move forward with his own life, maybe he never will but it's not my problem anymore and all the guilt and grief I felt for being able to walk away has slowly disappeared,yes there was a lot of guilt that I was able to end it so firmly but I couldn't compromise on my morals even for love, I'm yet to delve into any new relationship that can wait until I feel ready when ever that maybe as trust will probably always be an issue for me, but I can say I'm happy, my children are happy and growing into fine young adults, my youngest who's 10 now has expressed that she doesn't want her dad in her life and I've respected that with the option always there if she changes her mind, I never wanted my kids to not have a father in there life and for the first 18 months I did all I could to keep there relationship with supervised visits but it was all one sided on my part and they saw threw him, he's never made any fight to see his kids so I have now left it in his hands and my kids expect nothing, they have me and all they need. I have me and the choice I made was the right one, I've found whom I am again, good luck with everything xx

Losteverything

Member since
September 2022

216 posts

Posted Tue September 27, 2022 12:39amReport post

Woody,

What an amazing woman you are. Your children will thank you for being so strong and steadfast about your decision. You are a wonderful role model for your children and thanks to your efforts I'm sure they will grow up to be strong and successful adults. It's hard being a single parent and even harder with the added challenge of having to accommodate a sex offender into their lives.

I have nothing but admiration for you and I'm sure that your post will offer hope to others about to embark on this journey alone.

Losteverything

Member since
September 2022

216 posts

Posted Tue September 27, 2022 12:40amReport post

Woody,

What an amazing woman you are. Your children will thank you for being so strong and steadfast about your decision. You are a wonderful role model for your children and thanks to your efforts I'm sure they will grow up to be strong and successful adults. It's hard being a single parent and even harder with the added challenge of having to accommodate a sex offender into their lives.

I have nothing but admiration for you and I'm sure that your post will offer hope to others about to embark on this journey alone.

Bitterbean

Member since
December 2021

635 posts

Posted Tue September 27, 2022 2:01pmReport post

Woody

I can envisage myself in the future living apart from my partner and enjoying life on my own.

For me the hard part is the act of separating - telling him that's what I want, when I know that's not what he wants so dealing with his feelings will be horrendous. And all the practicalities of finding somewhere else to live, selling our home/buying him out and splitting our possessions, all the while having to deal with the grief and the guilt. It's so overwhelming that it makes staying seem the easier option.

Losteverything

Member since
September 2022

216 posts

Posted Tue September 27, 2022 4:08pmReport post

Bitterbean,

you only get one life, do what you want and do not feel guilty..... this is not your fault, not your doing. He has to live with the consequences of his actions.
And you don't have to be alone forever!!! Who knows what or who!! is just round the corner??

Woody

Member since
March 2021

10 posts

Posted Tue September 27, 2022 11:43pmReport post

Bitterbean

i can completely understand your feelings, it's not an easy decision at all but everything is achievable, life will change and it's up to you what changes you want, both your feelings will be hurt but it's your feelings that matter now, you have to be the one that lives with them, what ever you decide, I have nothing against anyone that stays and standbys there husbands/partners, i understand that some can and move on together and be happy again but this was no option for me I knew deep down I could never have forgiven or trusted him again, I look back now and will say I had a happy 20 years in my prime marride to a man I loved, I have 3 beautiful children by him and I don't regret a moment of it, he chose to do wrong and I had to move on threw my pain and leave him to deal with his own consequences, if anything good came out of all of this is that I'm stronger than I ever have ever been, I have no doubt I made the best decision for me and my family

xx take good care of yourself xx

PurpleRain

Member since
September 2022

34 posts

Posted Wed September 28, 2022 10:19amReport post

This is the hardest decision of my journey so far. I've been left a single Mum to an 11 week old.
So far me and the OH are still together but I also just feel like we're not at the same time, we don't really see him. I love him to death but I don't think I'm strong enough for this.
Police have never spoken to me and my SW is giving me all the information she can tomorrow, so for me, if he's lied about anything, that will determine the relationship.