Not sure what to believe
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Hi everyone. Not sure if anyone has been in a similar situation, but I found this forum and figured it was a good place to talk.
Adult stepson (doesn't live with us) was arrested for iioc. The detective called us and said they know he has the images, and he's not allowed to be around our children. He's been released and they've kept his electronic devices. They don't have to give us any further info, and unfortunately I don't trust what our stepson is telling People. He's not trustworthy in general but has said he has a cocaine habit and viewed indecent images of 15 year olds while he was high. He's said the if the police find this to be the case there will be no charges. I can't imagine that to be true at all, and given his past attitude and behaviour I feel that he's using the drug scenario to dodge any blame for what he has done. Just not sure what is the truth and what is likely to happen next. Thanks for reading x
Adult stepson (doesn't live with us) was arrested for iioc. The detective called us and said they know he has the images, and he's not allowed to be around our children. He's been released and they've kept his electronic devices. They don't have to give us any further info, and unfortunately I don't trust what our stepson is telling People. He's not trustworthy in general but has said he has a cocaine habit and viewed indecent images of 15 year olds while he was high. He's said the if the police find this to be the case there will be no charges. I can't imagine that to be true at all, and given his past attitude and behaviour I feel that he's using the drug scenario to dodge any blame for what he has done. Just not sure what is the truth and what is likely to happen next. Thanks for reading x
Hi Graze
Sorry you've found yourself here. I can't offer any advice but can say that a lot of the times the person doesn't always offer the whole truth at the beginning but that can be for various reasons. Shame, fear, guilt, denial and many times due to damage control.
When you read some of the experiences here you'll realise that in some cases the family or partners did not find out the whole truth until much later down the line.
It can't be easy for you or your partner right now. This is an extremely valuable place to find support and I hope someone will be able to offer some advice.
Starting point would be to talk to your stepson and trying to find out the truth before deciding anything going forward.
Sending love x
Sorry you've found yourself here. I can't offer any advice but can say that a lot of the times the person doesn't always offer the whole truth at the beginning but that can be for various reasons. Shame, fear, guilt, denial and many times due to damage control.
When you read some of the experiences here you'll realise that in some cases the family or partners did not find out the whole truth until much later down the line.
It can't be easy for you or your partner right now. This is an extremely valuable place to find support and I hope someone will be able to offer some advice.
Starting point would be to talk to your stepson and trying to find out the truth before deciding anything going forward.
Sending love x
Hey Graze,
Sorry you find yourself here but well done for coming to do your own bit of digging! I would trust your gut and be vigilant about what is being said if I'm being honest. If they were 15 year olds, that is a crime and classed as indecent images of children (the age of consent is 16 in UK but indecent images is 18) so he is either misinformed or downplaying the situation unfortunately. Many people do end up down this path due to drugs amongst other factors - drugs are not a defence & in fact the courts consider being under the influence as an aggravating factor when sentencing. If a crime has definitely been committed the most important thing is identifying why and taking steps to challenge and change the behaviour and the only person who can do that is the offender, so if they're not willing then it becomes difficult. How old is he if you don't mind me asking? X
Sorry you find yourself here but well done for coming to do your own bit of digging! I would trust your gut and be vigilant about what is being said if I'm being honest. If they were 15 year olds, that is a crime and classed as indecent images of children (the age of consent is 16 in UK but indecent images is 18) so he is either misinformed or downplaying the situation unfortunately. Many people do end up down this path due to drugs amongst other factors - drugs are not a defence & in fact the courts consider being under the influence as an aggravating factor when sentencing. If a crime has definitely been committed the most important thing is identifying why and taking steps to challenge and change the behaviour and the only person who can do that is the offender, so if they're not willing then it becomes difficult. How old is he if you don't mind me asking? X
Thank you both for responding. He's just turned 23. I don't want anything to do with him. As I stated to my husband, even if the images were of 15 year olds, that's still someone's daughter who has been exploited.
I work in the school my daughter attends and because of the possibility of social services becoming involved and wanting to be transparent, I had to let the safeguarding team know. I feel like this whole thing has affected me and my daughter the most out of everyone (aside from the personal emotional factor the rest of the family are feeling). I'm so disgusted and angry. My daughter is beside herself that she can't see her big brother, although we haven't given her the exact reason why. I haven't stopped my husband from seeing his son, as I've tried to put myself in his position and how i would feel if it was my son (who is 14). I suppose its just a waiting game to see what happens next but in the mean time I feel guilty by association and just feel really uncomfortable at work x
I work in the school my daughter attends and because of the possibility of social services becoming involved and wanting to be transparent, I had to let the safeguarding team know. I feel like this whole thing has affected me and my daughter the most out of everyone (aside from the personal emotional factor the rest of the family are feeling). I'm so disgusted and angry. My daughter is beside herself that she can't see her big brother, although we haven't given her the exact reason why. I haven't stopped my husband from seeing his son, as I've tried to put myself in his position and how i would feel if it was my son (who is 14). I suppose its just a waiting game to see what happens next but in the mean time I feel guilty by association and just feel really uncomfortable at work x
I think you've done the right thing and I'm sure you will be able to support your daughter through this! Once she is 18 then it's up to her if she wants to see him (from social services point of view) and by then she may be wiser to the situation if you don't find him trustworthy. It's absolutely awful for families to go through this and often the woman takes all the flack and is the backbone throughout. Check in with us if you need any support or have any questions and I hope things settle for you xx
Sorry to hear this. If you stepson has a drug problem, there is help. Drug addiction can make anybody become a bit untrustworthy because of the constant hiding.
With regards to this, there must be something more significant for the detective to call you and warn you. If it was cat c or something less, then I don't believe they would have to keep him away from your children. It may be a bit deeper but it will be a good idea to get in contact with a solicitor as soon as possible.
With regards to this, there must be something more significant for the detective to call you and warn you. If it was cat c or something less, then I don't believe they would have to keep him away from your children. It may be a bit deeper but it will be a good idea to get in contact with a solicitor as soon as possible.
I also agree with baffledb. I think he is downplaying the situation.
Hi
My stepson was arrested sept 21 for possession of IIOC and sexual chat about alleged abuse of and fantasies about his half-sister, my daughter.
We have had no contact with him since, and I found out that he is in court next week after pleading guilty to both charges. I am intending to attend as I need to know the truth. He has sworn in his statement that he did not actually touch her.
It's the betrayal that hurts the most and the fact that he put my daughter's face out there, in that forum. He has hurt us in the most unimaginable way. My poor husband is just broken.
As an outsider, I want him punished. I want him to feel some semblance of the pain he's inflicted on his dad and me,.
As a wife and mum, I know that the outcome I want would totally devastate my husband. He's pragmatic about it all, but I know we both want very different results.
Sorry, I've hijacked your post. I just don't see many people in the same situation.
Sending love to all of you in this 'club'.
Xxxx
My stepson was arrested sept 21 for possession of IIOC and sexual chat about alleged abuse of and fantasies about his half-sister, my daughter.
We have had no contact with him since, and I found out that he is in court next week after pleading guilty to both charges. I am intending to attend as I need to know the truth. He has sworn in his statement that he did not actually touch her.
It's the betrayal that hurts the most and the fact that he put my daughter's face out there, in that forum. He has hurt us in the most unimaginable way. My poor husband is just broken.
As an outsider, I want him punished. I want him to feel some semblance of the pain he's inflicted on his dad and me,.
As a wife and mum, I know that the outcome I want would totally devastate my husband. He's pragmatic about it all, but I know we both want very different results.
Sorry, I've hijacked your post. I just don't see many people in the same situation.
Sending love to all of you in this 'club'.
Xxxx